(leggings, shoes, gloves, I hated the top I wore ((the sleeves were too tight)) so I won’t link it)
A run that ends with bagels and chai is my favorite type of run.
A run where we cheer for friends racing along the way is also my favorite type of run. Beth took 2nd female doing her marathon pace weekend!
I turned my alarm clock off at 2 a.m. (Andrew was up most of the night) when I decided there was no way I could get up to meet my friends for a run, but then I woke up naturally in time to meet them… I’m so glad I did because I needed these miles with them badly.
I did this race last year shortly after St. George, and there is no way I could have done it this year… my body needs time before speed again.
We had our last soccer game of the season, and we were popsicles.
This is Beck’s new favorite seat in the house.
A friend brought over everything needed for the best tacos ever… we had them for breakfast, lunch, and dinner.
So much of this with Andrew. Six people on a queen bed, haha.
In Vienna, as we were eating schnitzel, I told Andrew about how nice it was to travel (AND LIVE) without an eating disorder. At every restaurant we went to, I told the waiter to bring me whatever was their most popular dish (as long as olives weren’t involved). It was amazing to try so many different types of food without a care in the world.
Life was not always like that. I remember the stress that came with food when I was traveling and the feeling of being out of control of what I was going to eat when I was struggling with an eating disorder. It took away so much from my life and my traveling experiences during that time because I was ordering food based on calories. I was not living in the moment, giving my body what it needed and soaking in the culture of wherever I was visiting. Being able to focus on the conversations, people, and unique flavors of what I am eating during meals is something I am so grateful for now because there were thousands of meals in the past where that was not the case.
I wish I had the magic answer for those struggling with it now of how to get out of it. I wish I could take away the pain that comes along with an eating disorder or disordered eating. I can’t do either of those things, but I can offer hope. I can show you that it can get better, that you can get to a point where you trust your body and lose the fear of food. I can promise you that today is the day to start working towards healing. It took a lot of work, a lot of significant changes in my life, and so much therapy… but I promise you, you DESERVE it.
Tell me something fun from your weekend.
Any ways that you have changed that make you proud?
Could you be happy to eat the same breakfast, lunch, and dinner one day?
-Absolutely, when it is tacos.
Scary movies… Your thing or not so much?
21 comments
Jessica
Congratulations on that progress and realization. I’m sure many of your readers can relate.
Caitlin
Got to see my nephew this weekend – he’s 2 and he screamed with delight when he saw me. I think that’s the requirement for all future interactions 😂.
Former eating disorder as well. It’s a hard thing to get out of so I appreciate you posting about it.
No to scary movies. My brother traumatized me with Saw 3 when we were kids.
A sneaky good food for breakfast or dinner — French Toast. Now, I need some.
Molly S
I love your words on ED recovery and am so happy the peace you have with food. Minus olives because same.
And I had the best weekend ever! I feel so spoiled to have had my coach wave me off at the start line and then personally announce me crossing the finish line followed by a long hug at the finish line. Come on.
Happy one day closer to Andrew being healed!
Katherine
Thanks for sharing this reminder that recovery is possible. I struggled with an eating disorder for so long at times I thought I would have it forever. One tool that helped me were free online support groups. ANAD has lots of good ones. To anyone still struggling… you are not alone and you are much stronger than you know!
Jenny
Thanks for this post, Janae! So many people are struggling with food, and it’s nice to see that it is possible to recover. Your caring and compassionate voice really comes through on this post. : )
Hope Andrew is recovering well!
Amber
Janae I admire your eating habits so much! Do you know how you got out of your eating disorder? Would you be willing to create a post (friend to friend maybe?)? I’m so far into it, I envision myself an 80 year old woman weighing her ketchup. We’re going to Italy this summer and my only thoughts have been how to smuggle safe food into my suitcase. Thanks for your vulnerable as always!! How is Andrew doing?
Steph F.
Thanks for being open with your ED/recovery. I used to only eat out at restaurants where I could access the menu online first and pre-plan the lowest calorie option…otherwise, I just wouldn’t go. Now, I love going someplace new and being totally surprised by the menu options – it feels amazing to try new things, and to say yes to social opportunities that I would have missed in the past. Like you, it took me years and a lot of hard work, but it is possible to have a healthy relationship with food even after years of disordered behaviors.
Wendy
I love seeing everyone piled on the bed with Andrew. I’m sure that is key to his recovery.
I have to agree with you about tacos! I could eat them every day. And breakfast tacos! I think that’s what I’ll be making after my run/workout.
I was never diagnosed with an eating disorder, but for sure I had disordered eating in my 20’s. And looking back, I too realized what experiences I missed out on. I love that you are open to sharing things like this, because I am sure you will reach someone.
Best part of the weekend was the neighborhood Halloween party. It’s always so much fun, and being able to catch up with friends, dance the night away, and be silly (and eat fun weird Halloween themed food) is just the best!
Have a good Monday!
Jessy
Big thankful hugs to you from a long-time reader. It must be hard sometimes to publicly share struggles as well as successes; it seems to me that it is a very brave thing to do. So thank you for trusting people like me with your story.
Lots of sympathy to Andrew. I had knee surgery in 2019 and the recovery was tough. For me, the first few weeks were so hard with the pain but once I hit the fourth week, the pain intensity significantly dropped. The worst is soon over ❤️
Liz
I could not agree more about the benefits of food freedom when traveling. I never had a diagnosed eating disorder, but disordered eating patterns for years and I could enjoy Europe so much more when those years were behind me. Christmas markets in Vienna were a good example – full spread for breakfast, hearty lunch in a coffeehouse somewhere, seasonal treats whenever we saw something enticing, hot chocolate AND cake AND mulled wine in one outing – it was all an option and a delicious one. I’m so glad that you could also experience this! Hope Andrew’s leg is getting better bit by bit…
Loribeth
I got to enjoy our new house and 77 degree weather this weekend! We had been out of town for a week and so it feels like we’re finally getting to enjoy the new place:)
I could eat tacos for every meal. Every meal.
I am proud that I don’t dwell on what others think when I have to make a decision they may not like. I am proud I don’t let guilt overtake me because they aren’t worrying about it. Example: a girl who comes to running group but then constantly bails on volunteering and leaves me doing everything on my own at work. It makes it awkward at run group but I have learned to just not worry what she thinks…………I am looking out for my sanity!
I absolutely love horror movies. My husband got me hooked on them when we started dating. Scream is my favorite series, and I can quote them all! If Andrew hasn’t seen Willy’s Wonderland (Nicholas Cage) he definitely should.
Cynthia
My favorite thing from the weekend was seeing Killers of the Flower Moon with friends. I’d read the book previously, so I was dying to see the movie. (It’s long, so try to see it in a theater that serves food!)
Jess Mann
I appreciate your transparency so much about ED recovery. I started following your blog almost thirteen years ago (WUT) when I first started running, and I wasn’t aware but I was still deep inside my ED, only just accessing the orthorexia section. It took two pregnancies, an injury, and many false starts for me to finally get right with food, and now, at the ripe age of 41, I am finally getting back into running, and I came right back to your blog, because I found you so inspiring back then, and lo and behold you are still so inspiring! And in all kinds of new, wonderful ways! Anyway, this is a longwinded way of saying thanks for healing, because it’s really awesome, and thank you for always posting about food and running in a way that doesn’t make someone like me (someone who just spent three months training to run a 10K) feel welcome and not excluded even though your speeds and distances are goals I will never be able to achieve. It’s still so wonderful to read your thoughts. <3
Carly
I am so happy that you no long have eating disorder thoughts. I would love to hear more about HOW you got there.
Beth
Poor Andrew, I hope he moves past this quickly!!!
I am so happy you have moved past the stress of an eating disorder. It really can steal the joy from life.
Wishing you a peaceful week!
Colleen
This post truly hit home. I am in the “messy middle” of recovery and feeling uncomfortable in my body. I was in RED-S and did the work to get out… now, I am hitting milestones like going out to eat without worry and guilt. It is truly inspiring to know you did the work and are living proof the other side is worth it.
Warren Footz
same food for every meal, or same day after day? Breakfast for sure (oatmeal) and anything with the word stirfry and chicken and Thai and I’m all in…
three foods that I love, beets, red peppers and cherries….the three foods my GI does not approve of, beets, red peppers and cherries…
a change…I pretty much quit drinking….at one time Ithat was a daily part of my life, I wasn’t an alcoholic or anything, but it’s just what we did…..then I started moving away from that group of friends, and now, wine once in a while….
Erica
I have often wondered , too, if I could give people the magic advice to change their ED’s. Like you, not sure there is. There were plenty of people offering their 2 cents to me, and although I was not dismissing it, it was not what led to the change. I cannot agree more with your attitude of hope! Thank you for being that beacon of hope for me years ago!
Chelsea
One thing I did not anticipate after being 10+ years free from disordered eating and 20+ years away from an eating disorder, was how my aging and changing body still had the potential to mess me up. As I turned 40 this year, I noticed myself starting to re engage in unhealthy patterns and thoughts. While it’s mending right now, it was a frustrating experience to realize that my body still had so much power over my happiness when it was going through things I couldn’t control (aging! Changing shapes! Perimenopause!)
Stacey
I haven’t had time to check in for awhile and am catching up — so I’m late to the game for commenting on this one. I still had to, though. I have the same thoughts, especially around this time of year. Holidays used to be filled with anxiety — how to avoid eating, what foods would I allow myself to eat, finding time to burn off the food I ate. Nothing was fun and I dreaded the season year after year. Now, it’s my favorite time of year. I have no residual hangups about what I eat, or when (or if) I exercise. The holidays are so much more enjoyable when I’m actually present to enjoy them.
I’m so glad you (and I) recovered, Janae. I wish the best to all your readers who are struggling right now.
house of hazards
Sharing an anecdote from a past trip where food anxiety dominated could further highlight the contrast with your present.