Birthdays are a huge deal to me and they are especially a huge deal when it is my favorite person’s birthday.
On Friday Brooke will turn 2 years old but I won’t get to be with my little girl on her birthday. She leaves today to spend the rest of the week with her dad and it completely breaks my heart that I won’t be able to be with her on her birthday (once again, not because she is with her dad because that relationship is extremely important but just because I will miss her like crazy. I can’t even go into her bedroom when she is gone because it makes me miss her too much).
I honestly feel like I am pretty much over the divorce and cause for divorce but the pain that comes when saying goodbye to Brooke is still too deep. I hate the idea of not being with her on such an important day and knowing that over the next 16 years that is going to continue to happen at different times.
So, this year I am changing Brooke’s birthday in my head to next Monday. I am going to keep myself busy by running and eating breadsticks (they just sound really good as I am typing this) and try to stay optimistic on her birthday. BUT, at the same time I am going to take time on Friday to reflect, to feel and to allow myself to process things. Keeping myself busy and on the go all of the time only works for a little while and eventually all of those feelings explode out at random times. I am working on slowing down, writing how I feel in my journal and crying when I need to cry.
We are going to have a crazy awesome week of celebrating when she gets back and I am counting down the minutes until then.
We definitely had a good night together last night and found our new kitchen table! Yes, we also had matching hair.
We ate what Brooke chose to have for dinner—> Mickey Mouse nuggets and roasted broccoli.
And we watched Daniel Tiger and ate popcorn while she had me hold onto her foot.
I hope you have a great Tuesday and thanks for listening to me every day as I tell you all of my thoughts:)