Wednesday night was miserable. I was up for 4 hours in so much pain that I was doing that thing when you feel so awful—> you reevaluate your whole life and what you are going to do better when you get a chance to feel well again (I’ve got a long to-do list now).
Later on in the day I finally got to make an appointment with a Gastroenteroligst. I was sick of being sick and the urgent care doctors guessing based on symptoms and then filling me up with medicine. It was really nice to meet with a specialist that knows this stuff really well and what tests I need. This doctor was awesome and spent a long time with us asking every detail possible which was really nice.
To be honest, I have no desire to run right now. I’m too weak and too sick. That doesn’t mean I am not ridiculously bummed (there have been a good amount of tears) about missing this race. I know at this point that if the idea of driving 3.5 hours to the race is too much for me there is no way that 26 miles of running would be okay. Plus, I’m not looking to run a marathon for fun right now, I’m looking to run it at a 6:48 pace.
Even though I know my body isn’t in a place to run a marathon I still asked my doctor his opinion (so I didn’t feel like a wuss) about the race and he said absolutely no. He said that it would make the problem worse and set me back even more. I agree.
So… he wants me to get a scope today (I am just excited to not feel sick for 4 hours while I am under;) and blood work. I can’t live off of rice forever and feel nauseated all day so I am very grateful to be working with someone that is just as eager as I am to get me feeling better. It will all work out.
I have a lot of thoughts about the whole thing and I have no way to organize them into a paragraph so bullet points are where it is at:
-I am even more hungry now for that sub 3. Once I am better and running again this whole situation will motivate me even more. It will make the finish line of my next marathon that much more special.
-Even if all of this training goes to ‘waste’ I’m not mad about it. I would be mad about the last four months of training hard without the opportunity to race right now if I hated training and I was forcing myself to do it… but I actually really love the process. I love pushing myself, I love how training makes me feel, I love seeing the growth and I am stronger mentally because of the last 16 weeks. So, those early morning runs/yassos/tempo miles weren’t a waste at all because it was all work but it is my favorite kind of work.
-I have the perfect race lined up and I will tell you all about it once I sign up and it is for sure. My coach is ready to adjust things accordingly so when I get sad thinking about St. George I think of the new race.
-Speaking of my coach, a quote from him when we were talking on the phone yesterday: “Shiz (I think he said a different word though;) happens.” Yes, yes it does.
-I killed my half-marathon in August and I am just going to keep feeling proud of that 1:21 race.
-I definitely think that stress has a big part to do with whatever is going on. When I was telling a friend (a friend that knows the details of my past marriage/causes for divorce/post-divorce situation) about how big of a wuss I feel like for just having a bad month and my body going nuts because of it—> she reminded me I have had high stress (with some breaks in between) for the last 2.5 years straight and maybe my body just had enough. Megan D is always right.
-This quote though:
-There are a lot worse things going on in the world right now and my heart really breaks over those things.
-Before seeing the doctor I kept worrying about ‘what will my blog readers think if I don’t race’ and then I realized it would be irresponsible for me TO race. I would be a bad example to put a race above my health and I won’t do that.
-The downs in life make us grow. I’ve got a lot of growing to do and I have the choice how to react.
-What elite Tina said when I asked her before seeing the doctor. Running will always be there for me when I am ready again. PS she might stop texting me since I always take screenshots of what she says and post it.
-This little face. She’s my world and I’m so beyond lucky to have her. She gave me 50 hugs yesterday. My family is ridiculously good to me and I am really blessed to have them.
Just a few more things:
-I think we both have 101 Dalmatians memorized by now.
-After the doctors we stayed at my sister’s and I had a pretty great view from the couch.
-My nieces played with Brooke for hours and made this for me so yeah, they are the best.
-I’ve got an incredible recipe for you (it will probably be pinned like crazy;). Rice and broth. I can’t stop making it.
-This quote that my sister sent. It’s a real good one.
-I can’t thank you enough for all of the sweet comments yesterday and emails. You guys really are the best and I hope I can be a support for you too WHENEVER you need it.
What are your weekend plans?
Last movie you watched?
-101 Dalmatians… 101 times.
Ever had to drop out of a race? Which one(s)?