And on to the next stage

The grieving process sure is tricky.  

I started feeling comfortable and strong in the stage that I was in but then I moved on over to the next stage this last weekend.

It may sound like that is a not so great thing but in reality it is a great thing even if it hurts really bad today.  What it means is that I am recovering.  I moved on from one stage and I am that much closer to feeling normal again. 

So I’m taking a day off.  From trying to be strong.   And taking some time to process where I am at now.  

I’ve got my Brooker right by my side (actually she is usually ahead of me as I am chasing her around) and really that is all that matters. 

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We’ll be back tomorrow with what I am sure will be a recap of my favorite ways to be us:

-A run that makes my heart pump so hard that I feel more alive than ever 

-Eating a bowl of ice cream while sitting on my sister’s floor as I tell her every thought I’ve ever had

-A head rub from my mom as she gives me an awesome pep talk

-Listening to Brooke tell me all about everything going on in her life in her baby language that gets cuter by the day

-and shopping.  I am embarrassed as to how much that makes me feel better. 

Really I am healing quite nicely and as Kristin Armstrong says….’We will label our heartache as a growing pain, and grow up and through the cracks, blooming gloriously on the other side.’  

All I know is that I am better than I was 6 weeks ago and I can’t wait to see my strength in another 6 weeks.   

Thanks for sticking with me.

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270 comments

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Sending you & Brooke lots of love, hugs & prayers……xoxo

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I don’t normally comment in your blog, but this post struck me hard. I’m also going through a very sudden divorce with two young childern (8 and 4). I keep referring to grief as my “fickle friend,” one day I’m fine, and the next day I’m absolutely walloped.

When I hit the wall in running I usually tell myself to just keep putting one foot in front of the other. So shall you, and we will will all come out better for it. Divorce is very much like hitting the wall in running.

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I think about you all the time (which is weird because I don’t ‘know’ you) but know that there are so many of us out here that truly enjoy reading about your day-to-day and catching up with sweet Brooke (also my daughters name :)) and we are all thinking of you. I’m sending lots of strength vibes your way and many prayers up for you! Thank you for being the wonderful inspiration that you are. xoxo

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We all care about you so much. I hope you feel like yourself again soon. Youll get through this.

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What a wonderful, strong, honest woman you are! We are all cheering you on and lifting you up in during this difficult time! Hugs!!

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What a wonderful post…absolutely love it. just keep doing what your donig…youll look back one day and realize what happened was meant to be and that you are much happier. itll come with time.

for now, go on JCREW shopping sprees every week! haha

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God will never leave your side and He will give you strength! Stay positive and keep smiling. I look forward to reading your blog every single day.

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We’re rooting for you, Janae!

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You’re amazing!!!

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You are amazing, and you can do this. xo

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You are such a bright inspiration to so many every day. I am more sorry than you’ll ever know that you are having to go thru such a painful life experience. But I do know from what you’ve shared with all of us in your blog that you have everything you need surrounding you to get thru this. Your awesome family, your darling Brooke, your faith in God and all that is good in life, a great exercise escape, frequent bowls of ice cream. And of course your REAL life friends, and those of us who are only FRIENDS IN SPIRIT thru this unusual blog world where we feel like we know you personally because you have been, and are so open and sharing of so many moments in your life. You are amazing, and deserve only the best to cone Hugs. Tami

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You are awesome. And inspiring. I wish you only the best for the future, and strength to continue to heal. Best of luck,

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Thanks for sharing…..

We are all rooting for you!! I’m much older than you and have been through heartaches and dissapointment, and what I’ve learned is that time marches on and life returns to normal. You have so much in your favor and I have no doubt that the future holds wonderful, exciting things for you.

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You rock – sending love and prayers and strength your way!

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You’re an inspiration and seem to be a very strong woman. Thank you for sharing your life with us! Stay strong, and enjoy that beautiful baby of yours.

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What a strong support system you have! That along with prayer and your amazing personality will pull you through. Just hug that baby girl and keep your head up!

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Sometimes you need to allow yourself to cry it out. I give myself a time limit and then cry away, then move on. It helps. So does ice cream… Stay strong lady. It gets better. :) The rain helps too!!

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You’ve got this.

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We are all thinking of you Janae!! And you should absolutely take all the time you need to digest and reflect, we will always be here. I also wanted to let you know how much these deeper posts have added to your blog. Not that I would EVER wish such a tough situation on anyone, but the way you are dealing with it and sharing – to the extent that you feel comfortable – on your blog is not only admirable but adds a real depth and makes it even more fantastic and relatable (in my opinion). Hugs to you and Brooke, hoping you speed right through this stage and onto the next one. See if you can hunt down the Peanut Butter Rolo flavour of ice cream..sounds like just the day for it!!! xo

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I’ll continue to keep you in my prayers!!

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Ditto what everyone else said. :)

Any my two cents…it takes recovery time when you get the rug pulled out from under you. You didn’t build the life you had “before” in just a few weeks, you won’t suddenly have your “new” life in a few weeks. It all takes time, huh? No one can tell you how to grieve and if you flop around in all the various stages…it’s YOUR way, so that makes it the right way.

Hang in there…

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I’m so sorry for your you and your pain. I started reading your blog because I love to run, but I can also relate to your divorce. I was married way too young and was divorced 4 years later. It was the hardest time of my life. I’m happy to report that my life is SO much better. I’ve been married to an incredible man for 5 years now and I’m happier than I could have imagined! Hang in there…I promise that it’s worth it:)

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We love you Janae! Your strength and positivity are incredible!

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Pain is weakness leaving your body. Love the your previous post. Hugs and prayers to you. I’m sorry you’re going through this, but you certainly have strength and support. And of course the cutest little girl in the world!!

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Many hugs & prayers for you. You are VERY loved, Janae!! <3

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It sounds like you have family exactly where you need them and that they will always be there for you. You will come out of this so much stronger than it may seem like right now. Sending you and Brooke healing hugs!

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Praying for you and how amazing that you have the best support system all around you!!! :) The grieving process really is a crazy thing, but it’s amazing to see yourself get a little bit stronger, especially when it can sometimes feel like you never will. Hugs to you.

xo

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Thanks for being so honest and transparent. One day at a time…one hour at a time…one minute at a time. Kinda like running :-)

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Janae – I don’t comment often, but I just wanted to let you know I’ve been thinking about you lately. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. I’ll be sending positive thoughts and prayers for you now & in the days to come. You are amazing — such an inspiration <3 Take the time you need to reflect & heal… You've got this, girl.

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I don’t usually comment, but I ALWAYS read, and I am so proud of and inspired by you. You are so loved and so strong. Do not forget that ever!

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Janae you are one amazingly strong woman and have an amazing daughter! You are loved by many, remember that!

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Thinking of you and sending you lots of hugs in this trying time. :)

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I am so sad for you during this time. I don’t usually comment but I always look forward to your posts and like so many others have said before, this difficult period you are in has somehow affected so many people you haven’t ever met! I’m wishing you all the best and I hope that during the bad times you are able to keep an eye on the light at the end of the tunnel. You’ll come out on top!! It’s like that country song, “every storm runs out of rain”. Best wishes to you and little Brooke! <3

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You are held and lifted by so much and so many. It is so healthy to allow this process. You are so smart and aware :) All my best.

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Divorce takes you through so many emotions you never knew you could feel. It sucks, no matter what the reason. Once you make it to the other side, life will be good. You still have all the memories but that was a part of your life that got you where you will be. You are young, beautiful and strong…let yourself feel what’s going on and know you will make it!! All the best

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I also normally don’t comment, but I’ve been following you for a long time, and I have been deeply affected by what you are going through, like many others who read your blog. When I have gone through dark periods in my life that consisted of immense pain that never seemed like it would ever end, one quote always seemed to help me out, so maybe it can help you too. “This too shall pass.” Keep pushing through, and just like a bad run, once you push through it, you will realize that the pain has passed and you are much stronger because of it! We are ALL rooting for you, girly!

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I’m praying for you to get stronger and stronger every day and every week. You will blossom on the other side! Thanks for being real.

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Lots of good vibes being sent your way. Keep up the healing!

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You’re such a strong woman, keep on focusing on what’s important!

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You’re dealing with a tough time so gracefully. Please take care of yourself, and know that all your readers are rooting for you.

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This post made me cry…..I can only imagine the process and the energy needed to get both you and Brooke through each phase. I am so glad you seem to have such a great support system surrounding you. Good to hear that you are letting yourself go through the process – whatever that may look like each day.

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thinking and praying for you and brooke! you don’t always have to be so strong. sometimes a breakdown is exactly what you need to move forward. [[[BIGhugs]]]

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You and Brooke are definitely in my thoughts and prayers! If you ever need a good trail run in Park City – come on up! It’s nice and cool up here too!

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Oh Janae. I love what you said about seeing the progress you’ve made in six weeks. In six more weeks, you will be that much more healed and peaceful. Massive hugs.

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You are in my thoughts! It can be so hard to “not be strong” sometimes, but I agree with you that it’s needed! I hope that you’re feeling more on your feet tomorrow. Lean on your family and love on that sweet little girl!

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My heart is with you Janae.

And thank you for writing this post. I, too, am going through a very sudden divorce and woke up this morning feeling hopeless and unable to face a day of ‘faking’ it at work. This post was a nice reminder that there will be incredibly hard days, and that those days don’t make me weaker, but stronger. You help more people then you could ever know with this blog. Remember that. :)

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Praying for you and I am always here to talk!

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Yes – do ALL of those things you listed to help you through this. We’re all sending good thoughts your way…and you WILL get through this stronger, just like you said!

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Hard to imagine what you’re going through, but you are in my thoughts and prayers! XOXO.

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Good to hear from you! My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult time.

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very long-time reader, first time commenter. just wanted to say that you are such an inspiring and “real” person. i’m going through a difficult time also and reading your blog and seeing how you’re fighting through this tough time and making the most of every day is very helpful to me. big hugs to you and brooke and know that so many people are cheering you on and hoping for the best for you. keep being real and keep being you.

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Janae, my heart breaks for you.
You are so strong, keep moving forward.
Love and prayers are sent your way,
Linda

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Get well soon!

http://therealfoodrunner.blogspot.com

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You’ve been heavy on my heart for several weeks, and I sincerely hate that you are in this pain! Please know that you’re blends all over are wishing you well and praying for you!

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Thinking of you now and always. Sending you warm thoughts and hugs. <3 You are so brave.

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I am happy to hear this because you’re right– it means that you’re healing and acknowledging the pain. I’m thinking of you and kiss that little girl as much as you can. No matter how dark life may seem, she’s your shining light in it. Tacky, I know but true. Thinking of you girl! Xoxo

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I am really really sorry that the only thing I know to say is that I’m sorry. Sending prayers towards you and Brooker

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What doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger!!!!

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We will always be here for you Janae! Stay strong <3 <3 <3

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Praying for you and Brooke.

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Hugs and prayers to you and Brooke. I think of you often and completely understand the pain of divorce. I have survived with my wonderful son by my side for the last seven years. It’s not easy and doesn’t make sense. We formed new rituals and traditions and have been a very happy family of two!

Cling to your family. They seem like the best and will carry you through this.

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I rarely comment, but always read your blog. Thinking of you <3

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You are a model to all of us going through something, thank you for sharing with us!

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you know my #. text me if you need me or call. Praying for strength to get through this stage and lean on GOD. <3

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You’re great! I only just found your blog and I love it (and I’m very critical/picky of blogs). I love your personality. I also admire your honesty and openness during this hard time. You are really keeping things classy. It’s such a hard thing to go through and you are really handling it beautifully. I like that you share your triumphs and good days but also a bit of your struggle. Brooke is lucky to have you! Know that we all care about you and are wishing you the best. How has your faith helped you in this?

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I’ve been there and one day you will wake up and find it easier to breathe. You will find that your smile will come back and your heart won’t feel quite so heavy. Then you will notice that you are living again. It does happen slowly so allow yourself time to feel the pain. Joy comes in the morning. Much love and prayers to you and Brooke.

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You really are incredible, Janae. You’re always in my thoughts and prayers. xoxo

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I truly admire you for being able to admit to your gazillions of readers that you, too, are human. I am sending love your way and I am so glad you have your entire family (especially that beautiful little girl of yours) surrounding you during this difficult time.

I remember when I moved from the denial phase to the anger phase. I took a pumpkin that we had picked out together and threw it as hard as I possibly could in my driveway. It didn’t break. That made me even more mad. So I threw it harder. I think your ways of coping are much healthier than mine were. ;-) You are amazing.

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Everything heals in time, as hard as it is to remember that sometimes. You are so incredibly strong. Try to keep your chin up, girl.

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Hugs to you… you’re stronger than you know. :)

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Aw Janae, I can’t even imagine what you are going through. There’s not much we can do but tell you we love you and are praying for you. Big hug.

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I am so glad to hear you are doing so well. I have been thinking about you alot as I have been by my best friend’s side as she too goes through a separation with her husband. Just remember to take it step by step, it’s not something that you will get over, over night. And never forget how strong you are and that amazing support system that you have! Hugs and prayers coming your way!

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Stay strong, girl! Remember that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, and no matter how hard and impossible things seem in the moment – you always come out stronger having learned how to push yourself through. Always remind yourself, it’s just like a race! Once you hit the wall, you know you still have to keep pushing before you can cross that finish line.

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You are stronger than you know. Sending hugs :)

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People often liken grief to a roller coaster ride, with so many ups and downs. My experience is that its more like walking along a street and falling into a pothole. Just when you feel like you’re on level ground, you fall hard and have to climb out again. Over time, the potholes become fewer and fewer, but the strength you gain from climbing out will remain. The cuts and bruises from the fall will fade, and though you will always carry some scars, time will diminish the severity of the pain. Hang in there, and remember to just focus on one step at a time.

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Just want to say how much I love the way you put this! So, so true.

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Your blog and positive energy was a source of strength to me while I was grieving over my miscarriage…you put a smile on my face every day and inspired me to keep running. Running toward a beautiful future. Thank you! Almost 1 year later I’m running in my first marathon. I’ll be dedicating some of my miles to you and Brookers :).

Kristin Armstrong referenced a quote in mile markers that I love…”the cure for anything is salt water, sweat, tears, or the sea”. Cry and sweat until your heart is content :).

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Sending you lots of love and support!!

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thinking of you and Brooke!

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You are such a beautiful person in so many ways. I know we only ‘know’ you from what you share on your blog. But I think you exclude such grace and class no matter what you do. If ever you are caught in a dark place during your day, please remember that for me (and most others I’m sure) no matter what is going on, reading your blog sheds a light of fun and happiness on my day :)

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omg I meant exude***not exclude :/

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((HUG))

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I think about you all the time too Janae, even though I don’t even know you. My heart is breaking for you and I just wish you didn’t have to go through this. I wish there was more I could do or say but I will keep sending my prayers your way.

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Janae, you are strong and you will get through this. Just focus on one day , one hour at a time. Prayers to you, Brooke and everyone involved :)

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Just a little note to say I admire you so much for being so honest. Life can be so hard. Hoping sunshine comes your way in the coming months, and that you start to feel like yourself again… an even stronger “you”.

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God’s grace continues to shine through you and your life story. Thank you for sharing. It helps so many to know they are not alone.

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Janae, I sincerely am so sorry that you are going through this extremely difficult time right now. I’ve been thinking about you so much over these last few weeks and my heart just breaks for you! Stay positive in any way that you can, and shake off those negative, downward-spiraling thoughts that try to bring you down when they come. I don’t know you, but from religiously reading your blog, I can definitely tell that you are a strong and wonderful woman and mother and you deserve to be so so happy! Keep pushing forward through the darkness sweet girl.

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We are all here for you. I hope you know you can reach out to me anytime.

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what a great outlook. strength and prayers!

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You are doing amazing!! Lots of good thoughts going out to you

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I so admire your strength in all this, Janae! Despite the pain you are feeling, you are handling this with so much dignity and grace…classy! Hang in there…we are all here for you in whatever way you need us! Sending much love from Maui. xo

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A million ((hugs)) to you and your little lady!

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You are an AMAZING mother! Continued prayers for you, friend!

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Janae, I have been thinking about you a lot and just want you to know that I am cheering for you! I am so sad for the difficult process of healing you have to experience but I believe you are strong and you are so blessed with support all around you. Love you and wish you the best!

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Thinking of you and Brooke. You are an amazing role model for your little girl. Its okay to hurt. This too shall pass. (((((Hugs)))))

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You are so strong and you will make it through this. You are an amazing mother to Brooke. :) Hugs to you!

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Hugs…

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Admitting you are facing harder times will only make you stronger. You are absolutely an inspiration and a bright light in this world. Sending you lots of hugs. Hope tomorrow is a better day. Kisses from Brooke will help. :)

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You can do this….. You have all you need sitting right next to you.

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Janae- I think of you and pray for you often. You are such a beautiful, strong person. I hate that you have had to go through this heartache. I am in awe of how optimistic you are throughout this grieving process. You are an inspiration. I hope you shop, run, and eat to your hearts content!!!

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My positive thoughts are with you and Brooke : ) You can do this!

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Cry as often as you need to. I am sure what you are going through hurts like heck, don’t feel like you need to be strong 100% of the time. Cry like a baby, punch some pillows, run hard, eat ice cream, shop, shop shop, hug Brooke, have a spa day, scream at the top of your lungs, do whatever you need to get through the day. You will make it through this.

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Thank YOU for being you. Hang in there friend. And yes, I can’t wait to see where you are in 6 weeks also. LOVE YOU!

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Sending lotsa hugs and prayers your way! Hug that baby-girl and your fam! Your “happily ever after” is somewhere out there ahead of you, and it will be better than you imagined. In the meantime, know there are lots of people in the world (crazy lots!) rooting for you Janae!!

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Sending good thoughts and prayers to you and your family. We all deal with grief in our own way and it is okay to not be strong at times. Time does heal all wounds.

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Remember You are loved and appreciated by many.

“Divorce isn’t such a tragedy. A tragedy’s staying in an unhappy marriage, teaching your children the wrong things about love. Nobody ever died of divorce.”
― Jennifer Weiner, Fly Away Home

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You are amazing. Full stop. Sending lots of good thoughts your way, and I *know* you will be even more amazing in 6 weeks time.

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sure we stick with you!!!

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Huge, huge hugs and can’t wait to see you in October! (Which is so soon now!) xo

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You are awesome and really are such a strong person!! Brooke is lucky to have you as a mother.

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You are so strong and Brooke is lucky to have such a strong woman guiding and teaching her. You will prevail over all of this!

*Expert Brand. Where I get all of my running and yoga gear. http://expertbrand.com

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Sweet janae, hang in there! You are so strong to do what is best for your daughter and yourself. My heart goes out to you two!

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Sending love and hugs. You are already so strong. It’s okay to give in and let the emotions go. They make us stronger.

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Grief is such an odd thing…it comes in waves and leaves again, only to return sometimes unexpectedly. The most important thing is that you embrace wherever you are that day. You have lots of family and friend support which makes all the difference too! Hugs and wishes for peaceful days ahead.

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Janae, my friend, I was gone for a little while and came back shocked by what I found. Just know that we love you and you are wonderful. Often what seems like the end is just the beginning of something better. Allow yourself all the time, ice cream, and candy needed. :)

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you can do it!

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I just want to come to Utah and hang out with you and SuperBrooke. I’m healing too and could use some girl time and a good distraction. Like ice cream and running and a head rub from your mom. :o) A huge hug and continued prayers from your BFF in Florida.

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Sometimes you have to hit rock bottom, to build your life back up and to make it better. You are amazing, and I can only see you getting more amazing as you recover.

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Sending big hugs your way. You are absolutely right, no matter how much this hurts and sucks it is a step in the right direction. Here for you!!

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