Well hello, it’s Bangs Friend again! Since my last post, we have all been through a lot. This pandemic has been hard to navigate and it’s especially hard for those who struggle with mental illness.
There is a lot of stigma that comes with mental illness. Some people don’t understand it, and others deny that it even exists. But really, 1 in 5 U.S. adults experience mental illness each year.
1 in 5. That’s a lot of people.
The reason I wanted to share a little bit about my story is because I hope that if anyone else is struggling with mental illness — whether it be major depression, bipolar or something else — maybe my story can help you a little bit on your journey. And mainly just to let you know that you are not alone. It’s ok to struggle and there are actually a lot of people out there struggling too.
My story might be a bit different than some, but I was actually hospitalized for psychosis last year. I don’t entirely know what caused it, but I blame isolation. Shelter in place in California was really hard on me. I had a lot of stress in my life and wasn’t prioritizing sleep, which caused me to have delusions and irrational thinking.
I have zero recollection of the first 4 days of my hospitalization. I had people come visit me, I talked to them, but I don’t remember any of it.
After those days things slowly started to get more clear. I spent a total of 6 days in the hospital and then started a partial hospitalization program, which I would highly recommend. Like highly recommend, for someone in this type of situation. It was a life-changing experience for me. (I won’t get into it all here but feel free to ask me any questions you have about that sort of program.)
I was still recovering 6 months after my hospitalization. The weeks following hospitalization while I was in the PHP program were really productive. I spent the majority of my day going to group therapy; processing past experiences and learning skills to manage my thoughts and emotions. After the program was over, and I was back to “real life”, things got a little harder.
To be honest, everything felt harder. Running was harder, making lunch was harder, everyday tasks just felt overwhelming at times.
I’m now a year in a half out from my hospitalization and feeling so much better. Since then, I had another episode of hypo-mania which made me really have to accept my original diagnosis of Bipolar disorder and take charge. I’m now on a medication that is working wonders and am working to understand and treat my illness.
I feel like one of the lucky ones. My whole family is extremely supportive. My husband has taken days off work, my mom, mother in law and sisters have come out to watch my kids. Not everyone has that kind of support and not everyone knows how to navigate the system.
Mental illness is so hard. You can’t see it, and it’s different for everyone. But just like many other physical illnesses, it can be treated. It doesn’t define who you are, but can add color and experience to your life.
So, take care of yourself friends. Make 2022 the year you prioritize yourself and your mental health. It’s important to be healthy, for yourself, your family and the world that desperately needs you.
Feel free to DM me on instagram @Katie.m.McGann with any questions at all.
Life is a journey, it’s all about helping others stumble along. We got this.
Do you struggle with any mental health challenges?
Do you have a family member who struggles with mental health?
72 comments
Amy
Janae, thanks for sharing your platform with Bangs Friend. More importantly, thanks Bangs Friend for sharing. My college age son is struggling. He has me to help him navigate and find resources, and thanks to mental health not being as stigmatized, he felt safe talking about it to me, to his roommates, close family, accepting help from a therapist and psychologist and taking medication. The more people who share and let people know they’re not alone and there’s help, the better.I’m glad you’re feeling better!
Bangs Friend
Thank you, I’m so grateful to be feeling better too. And I’m so glad your son has you to help him navigate the different avenues you need to take sometimes with mental health. It can be challenging and feel overwhelming doing it on your own. He is lucky to have you!
Nicole
Thank you for being so open, Katie! I’m so glad you have a support system in your family to walk with you on your journey. (Plus, you have this community! :) )
I’ve struggled with anxiety and depression in the past and I know I’m thankful to have a supportive team (husband, family, friends) that give me grace and extra love when I need it.
Kim N
Thank you for sharing your story. Albeit brief – still very impactful. Would love to understand how you got to acceptance since I think that is one area that those with any mental instability/disorders struggle with and hearing what worked from a support perspective. In wanting to be an ally for those going thru these situations, it’s hard to be supportive without knowing what works and is appropriate given the situation.
I really appreciate all these conversations and normalizing this topic because I know I struggle with trying to connect with people who have gone thru what I’m going thru when my anxiety and depression get triggered since I have no friends that can empathize or support me.
Bangs Friend
Hi Kim, Thanks for your comment. I didn’t want to ramble on… but am happy to share more or answer questions! Acceptance is a hard one. After my psychosis, my psychiatrist suggested a couple diagnosis. One was potentially postpartum psychosis and the other was bipolar disorder. My dad was diagnosed with bipolar disorder and it is often hereditary. Like my dad, I manage pretty well. I’m functional most the time but aside from my hospitalization I can now recognize 2 different periods were I had some hypo-mania. I think there are a few reasons it was hard for me to accept the possibility of being bipolar at first. If it was just a blip or a one time episode I could chalk it up to being stress induced, or hormone induced (I mean, it was during the height of the pandemic) but to accept a diagnosis of bipolar disorder meant there was something “wrong” with me. Something about me that wasn’t going away. Something that I was now going to have to live with and manage. And that was tough.
When I started having some symptoms this last time, I decided to take my psychiatrist and therapists initial recommendation to learn more about my disease. So I checked out a book through the library called An Unquiet Mind. I highly recommend it. It’s a memoir written by a psychologist who has bipolar disorder. Hearing her story, helped me accept mine. It helped me realize that it wasn’t something I needed to be afraid of and that others have come through it and so could I.
I think acceptance comes when we are willing to be introspective enough and see ourselves or our situation for what it is. And we each have to be ready for that and take it at our own pace. It really is a process and it takes time. I think we learn what’s appropriate or how to be supportive along the way too. It’s ok to ask questions and it’s ok to ask “wrong” questions. The key is to care and if it is genuine concern and desire to understand, those around you will feel that and be appreciative.
It’s hard to not have friends that can relate. There are support groups you can find through NAMI or you can always reach out to me! The more you are willing to open up and be vulnerable the more others will feel comfortable opening up too. You might be surprised to find others around you struggling with similar issues. <3
Victoria
Oh Katie, I feel for you so much on this. It’s so hard to talk about so thank you for opening up. I, too, have had psychotic episodes (almost always related to a lack of sleep as well) – mine are visual hallucinations and it’s always weird things like seeing a person who isn’t there when I’m running or swimming. It’s extremely unsettling. Since understanding what was going on and getting on a solid plan to manage the episodes, I’ve only had very few here and there and can get a handle on it quickly. I really hope you are also in a place where you can recognize the warning signs and have a good care plan to keep yourself healthy. It’s a lot of work but it’s worth it. Stay well and hugs to you.
Bangs Friend
Thank you for sharing, Victoria. It is rather unsettling but I’m glad we both have gotten a handle on it for the most part. It does take work. But, I agree, it is well worth the effort.
Bangs Friend
Thank you for your comment. At first it was hard for me to be so open but I really do think it is important to talk about these things! You are so kind to include me in the HRG community. I’m glad you have a strong support system too. There are many who don’t. We are some of the lucky ones!
Leanne
Thank you so much for sharing your story!
I struggle with anxiety and have spent the past year trying to get an appointment to see someone. No luck yet, but I’m still trying, and for the most part doing ok.
I am glad that you were able to get help and have a strong support system!
Bangs Friend
That can be so frustrating! I hope you are able to connect with someone soon. Until then, there are other great resources you can find. Meditation apps tend to have specific meditations for anxiety, and there are also workbooks you can even find online that can be helpful! Once common one is for CBT Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It’s used a lot for anxiety and depression. But I’m glad you are doing ok. Sometimes that’s all we can do. Just be ok. But like Janae always says, the light will come again and I love that you are still trying. Never give up! You got this.
Ali
Thank you for sharing your story!
Bangs Friend
<3
Jacki
Thank you for sharing your story! It’s such an important topic that just isn’t talked about enough.
I have bipolar 2 and also a six month old. I had been in remission for two years when I had my daughter and I thought I would be fine, even though there is a strong connection between bipolar episodes and the post partum period. And that’s even without the added strain of the pandemic. But I did everything right. I have lots of support, worked with my psychiatrist to restart medication, and talked to my therapist often. Yet here I am at six months post partum with a beautiful baby and every day feels like I’m drowning in depression. I worry often about hypomania or post partum psychosis and I’m so sorry you had to experience that. It’s great to hear that things have gotten better and it gives me hope that things might get better for me, too.
Boston Jen
Bangs Friend, thank you for having the courage to share your story and to help remove the stigma of mental health. I have struggled with anxiety and received a LOT of help from counseling and working on my though patterns. I can’t say enough about encouraging anyone struggling in any way to get help. You are not alone and there is hope in better days. Janae, you are a great friend to your readers! Life is hard and having support front his community really helps!
Bangs Friend
It seems like it should be so easy to think positively or change our way of thinking but it is TOUGH. And it takes work. Thank you for your comment and your encouragement. <3
Bangs Friend
I’m so sorry Jacki, that is so hard. It can be so frustrating to feel like you are doing everything right but it just isn’t enough. Try not to get too down on yourself and look for the good when you can. Positive thinking can feel so hard. I hope you like your therapist and that you can find things to give you hope, comfort and feel joy again.
Caitlin
Thank you for sharing you story!!
Bangs Friend
<3
Jan J
Thanks for sharing your story! I’m glad that you have so much support! My husband and I don’t experience mental illness but our gene combination must have been ripe for mental illness because 3 of our five children have various forms. The last 6 years have been quite the journey as we’ve worked through many hospitalizations and treatment center stays, therapy visits, etc. I’m also glad that you’ve found meds to help. That can be a journey in itself.
It’s good to see you here. I’ve followed Janae for a long time and I remember you were a great support to her as she went through her difficult time. Take care and thanks for being awareness to this important, tough topic.
Bangs Friend
Thanks for sharing Jan. I’m sorry your kids are struggling. That’s rough. And I’m sure it’s hard to relate or understand at times. You are awesome for being so supportive. Best wishes for you all!
Kristi
Janae, thank you for using your platform this way.
Katie, thank YOU for sharing your story. My mom had bipolar disorder and psychosis, and it was not until adulthood that I heard of any other cases.
No matter what form it takes, mental health challenges are incredibly common, and every person brave enough to share their story helps lessen the stigma for others.
You are both wonderful ❤️
Bangs Friend
Thanks, Kristi. That must have been so hard to see your mom go through that. When I first went through it I had no idea what it was and hadn’t heard of others experiencing it either. I agree that the more we talk about this kind of stuff the better we understand and can help others who might be experiencing it for the first time too. <3
Jamie
Thank you SO much for sharing your story! I struggle with anxiety & depression and I needed to see this today more than you know.. it’s nice to know that others struggle with mental health too and we are not alone. You are so brave for sharing ❤️
Bangs Friend
That makes me happy, Jamie. You definitely aren’t alone. Hang in there and reach out anytime. <3
Elizabeth
Thank you so much for sharing your story! ♥️
Bangs Friend
<3
steph
I have always been a proponent of reducing the stignma. My confirmation saint is actually Dymphna – patron of mental illness and anxiety. I also completed a PHP program after a psychosis and it changed my life. I was diagnosed with bipolar II and, while it was definitely brought on by PPD, I could see threads of high functioning hypomania throughout my life. Even things that seemed positive (excelling academically, running) were symptoms. I have had to work hard to learn to work through issues and seek help when needed. The deck is stacked against me – I lost my mom and got divorced while raising a toddler in the pandemic – but I am doing my best.
Thank you so much for sharing and helping others see it is okay to seek help.
Bangs Friend
Isn’t it interesting when you can see the good or somewhat positive things that have come from your illness? Thank you for sharing and I’m sorry have your mom and divorce. Two very hard things. Glad you are doing ok. Hang in there!
Mariah
Thank you for sharing, Bangs Friend. I’m so sorry you went through all of that, but your positive outlook and gratefulness for your support system is amazing! Mental illness affects so many people, especially with the pandemic :( I know it’s not the same, but at the beginning of the pandemic, I would cry all the time- I worried about people’s health, jobs, safety. And being isolated during that time definitely made it worse. Finding ways to cope and prioritize my mental health was crucial. It’s helped a bit, but I still feel down sometimes. I’m glad we can all share our experiences and help each other to feel better!
Bangs Friend
Yes, the weight of it all affected me a lot too. I’m glad you have found some good coping skills. It’s ok to feel down sometimes. I think we all do at times. I’m a big proponent of allowing yourself to feel the feels and then move on. Sending good vibes your way.
Jenny
Thank you for this post! It’s very kind of you to reach out so you can help others in your situation. And it’s nice to finally know your name, Katie! Especially since you don’t have bangs anymore : )
Bangs Friend
ha! I know, kind of a silly nick name. But it’s stuck. ;)
Lisa
It amazes me that there is still a stigma around mental illness. Why is is it so hard to grasp that the most complex organ in our bodies – the brain that literally runs everything- can suffer hiccups? I’m glad you were able to get the help you needed and that you have such a good support system. Best wishes!!
Bangs Friend
<3
Andrea
KATIE!! (We finally know your real name, haha!)
YOU ARE AMAZING!! Thank you so, so much for sharing. We hear a lot about anxiety and depression but not so much about other diagnoses. My brother-in-law had first episode psychosis two years ago and a lot of people don’t understand what that means and find that term very scary and frightening. When really it just means that you have lost touch with reality a little bit. You are so brave!! You have done so much hard work. Keep going!!
Bangs Friend
You are so sweet, Andrea. Thank you for your encouragement! I hope your brother is doing well.
Taylor
Thanks so much for sharing! I am also so happy to hear you had the support you need from family and friends. It’s been a scary time for a lot of people and stories like this help dismantle the shame and hiding a lot of people feel in regards to mental health. Thank you!!
Bangs Friend
<3
Stacey
You are a wonderful, kind, thoughtful, brave woman for sharing your experience! I’m a teacher. Right now, mental illness is an aggressive animal attacking people and the stigma some feel is holding healing back. Your story, your situation, and your openness to share WILL SAVE LIVES. Thank you for making our world better!
Bangs Friend
Stacey, you are so kind! My mom is a teacher and I have nothing but respect for people in your field. YOU are one of the ones doing some of the toughest and most valuable work. It breaks my heart to think of kids and teens struggling with mental health but I know it is so prevalent. One step at a time hopefully we can get rid of the stigma and get them the help they need. <3
Libbie
Thank you for sharing. This conversation is so important. The more we talk about and normalize mental health, the more people will be able to get the help they need and not feel so alone. We all live on this planet together and are meant to love and support one another through all our challenges and accomplishments.
Bangs Friend
Agree completely. Thank you!
Erica
It is a beautiful thing when someone gets to the place in their journey to share their story. Thank you for this post.
Enjoy your day, Bangs friend.
Bangs Friend
Isn’t that the truth? When you come out of it and are able to look back and see it for what it is, embrace it and move on. I love the way you put that and I appreciate you.
Jamie
Thank you so much for sharing! I needed to read your post today. ❤️
Bangs Friend
<3
Annemarie
Thank you so much for sharing your experience. I am sure it’s not easy. I am a social worker who worked into a psychiatric hospital in the year leading up to, and the year of, the pandemic. I worked with many people who came to us because of psychosis and the first few days to a week it was very difficult to tell what was happening on their end. The days coming out of psychosis were such a relief and so hopeful. I always wondered what it was like for them. They never remembered any of it. We typcially referred them to PHP and then never saw them again. Hearing your story gives me a better understand and brings me hope for how things transpired for my patients.
On another note, I also have a history of depression and eating disorder, for which I did PHP and IOP and it literally saved my life. It is actually the reason I became a Clinical Social Worker. I still have difficulty sharing my story and I am hoping I am brave enough to do so one day.
❤
Bangs Friend
Thank you for sharing, Annemarie. It takes a special kind of person to be a social worker and I admire you tremendously! Thank you for being there for people when they can’t be there for themselves. You are awesome. I am extremely grateful to the people who helped me ,as I’m sure your patients are grateful to you!
Diane H
Thank you a million times over for sharing your story. You are definitely not alone! I struggle with major depression. In 2019 things spiraled down worse than they had for over a decade. It really forced me to acknowledge my situation in a new way (as I am in a completely different phase of life as the last major bout) and seek appropriate treatment. The combination of a great therapist, medication, and EMDR therapy has been absolutely life changing. I feel better prepared for future lows and so thankful that I can enjoy life again. May both of our progress continue!
Bangs Friend
Thank you for sharing, Diane. How did you like EMDR therapy? I’ve thought about trying it myself. So glad you can enjoy life again!
Diane H
EMDR was life changing for me. I have had great success with talk therapy in the past, but EMDR took things up a notch and allowed me to reset some pathways in my brain to process traumatic memories in a more productive manner. It is an intense process, but the rewards are absolutely worth it.
In an odd side note to the EMDR, after I finished the process I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. There were some pretty rough moments during diagnosis and treatment and I used coping mechanisms learned in both talk therapy and EMDR to get through. It really made a difference in my ability to handle the emotional aspect of cancer (of which I have completed treatment and am in good health)!
Bangs Friend
I’m so glad you had such a good experience. I really do think I might benefit from it. Maybe some day. And I’m glad you are in good health! Therapy and the skills learned in it are super helpful. I wish more people utilized it!
emma
I have so much respect for both Katie (aka Bangs Friend) and Janae for publishing this!! Thank you both so much.
Bangs Friend
<3
Rebekah
Thank you for sharing your story. It can bring someone so much hope to know that things get better.
I developed postpartum OCD after my daughter’s birth in 2019 (my first panic attack was literally the day after she was born haha). Luckily, I got in with an amazing therapist right away and have spent the last 2+ years working on it. At first my progress was slow. In fact, it was slow progress for a long time. I’m sure it didn’t help that within a few months of her birth we bought our first house (so stressful anytime!) at the height of shutdowns and moved away from family to a new state where we knew literally no one for my husband to start law school. I work from home full-time while also being the mom full-time since my husband is in school, which is its own daily challenge. Fortunately, I finally felt like I’d hit a turning point around the 16 month mark. It was a like a breath of fresh air and things have continued to get better and better since then. I truly feel like myself again, though maybe a little bit of a different self than before. :) My daughter is almost 2 and a half now and we’re starting to think about growing our family next year when my husband graduates. It can be intimidating or even downright frightening to think about potentially going through everything all over again, but my daughter is the most beautiful, joyful gift to us and it would be a privilege to bring another precious child into the world. I hope that it won’t be so bad the second time, but I’m not going to count on it and end up disappointed if it is just as hard haha. Because I’ve lived through it, I know that there is hope and that things do get better. Sometimes it just takes a long time and a lot of work.
Bangs Friend
Rebekah, you have been through a lot! That all sounds extremely challenging; new baby, moving, buying your first home, law school… that is rough. I’m so glad you hit a turning point and are feeling better. I know what you mean about being a little bit of a different self than before. It takes some getting used to and one thing I’ve learned as I’ve gotten older is that life really is about change and how we handle it. I’m excited for you to potentially have more kids. They really are a huge blessing (and a lot of work!) But I’m glad you aren’t putting too much pressure on yourself and are taking it in stride. I hope things go more smoothly this next time but can tell you got it no matter what comes. Best of luck!
kelly
Hi Katie Bangs Friend (that has a fun ring to it!)
You are so eloquent with your words. I could *feel* your emotions and how you experienced such a scary time. I admire that you see signs now and seek support. So often people are quick to say “just go for a walk/take nap/pet a puppy” and move on, when in reality many need therapy, medication, intense treatment. I bet you help someone every day just being you-whether it’s direct to a struggling person, or perhaps a friend/loved one of someone struggling, or anyone who just needs to hear they are not alone. Thank you for sharing your story and being so direct and non-judgy. May you seek that sunrise everyday, and also know that a bunch of us are cheering you on.
Bangs Friend
Thank you, Kelly. You are so kind. And it’s true, sometimes we think we can manage it all on our own but it’s important to get help when we need to. Thank you again, I appreciate your encouragement!
Ali
I feel compelled to leave you a note and say THANK YOU for your honesty and vulnerability. We need to be talking about this more! Thank you so much for sharing your story.
My mother had a psychotic episode and my family never really talked about it. Things would have been so much better with more open dialogue.
Bangs Friend
Thank you for sharing, Ali. It’s easy to sometimes want to brush it under the rug. I too feel like my family doesn’t really talk about the struggles my dad faced. I hope to be more open to help my own kids (and those around me) feel more comfortable opening up and talking through some of these struggles. It’s kind of you to leave such encouraging words. Thank you!
MD Runner
Just want to say thank you to Katie for being so open and honest and thank you to Janae for opening her platform so that Katie was able to share.
It’s so frustrating to me that there’s even still mental health vs physical health as a distinction. (Thinking about stigma and insurance coverage and treatment accessibility). Health is health and it’s so interconnected.
Sending hugs and well wishes your way.
Bangs Friend
100% agree. Health is Health. <3
Sasha
I also have the same diagnosis and am healthy and fully functional on meds. Better living through chemistry. Years of counseling also helped teach me coping skills. I appreciate more people sharing their struggles, especially on platforms where the majority of posts are about day-to-day things that are happy and positive and seem perfect (which is great and I love to read about). My family also has a long history of individuals with Bipolar disorder and my symptoms started early in early childhood. I am so happy that you are doing better and continue to give yourself grace during his new stage of your life. Thank you again for sharing this part of you and helping reduce the stigma.
Bangs Friend
Thanks, Sasha. I’m so glad you have found meds that work well for you too. It’s nice to hear of others who are able to manage their illnesses and live a fully functioning life. <3
Kathee
You are amazing! I saw it so much in the ER When I worked there and families and patients in denial. It’s very scary but thank you for putting a face and experience to BiPolar disease. Congratulations on being so strong and getting help. What would we do without Bangs Friend?
Bangs Friend
haha what would we do without Bangs Friend? ;)
Alana
This was a great post, thank you for being so courageous in sharing! I am starting an Occupational Therapy fieldwork rotation in mental health and really enjoyed reading your perspective on group therapy. If you read this/ have the time/ or remember any specific topics that helped most, please feel free to share. I would love to pass it along :) wishing you all the best!
Bangs Friend
Hi Alana, That is a great question! I really did enjoy my group therapy and found it really helpful. At the beginning of each session we submitted mood reports and often wrote down 3 strengths. The Social Worker or Therapist would also read a meditation to start the session. I really enjoyed that and kept one of my favorites about transcending judgement. The conversation always just kind of went and didn’t really need much directing. It was really great to sit and process past experiences or feelings with other people in similar situations. Helping others through their own struggles can be really beneficial for ones own healing. Best of luck in your rotation!
Carrie
My husband has severe OCD ( undercontrol now) and anxiety. Not many people understand that OCD manifests it so many different ways. For years his OCD dictated our lives. He sought therapy and medication that was not helpful, it wasn’t the right kind. My youngest daughter has selective mutism ( severe but treatable anxiety disorder). When we sought intensive treatment for her the psychologist who specializes in OCD explained to him that he needed exposure therapy and what he was doing was not working. He switched to someone who specialized in it and 3 months later was discharged. He accomplished more in 3 months then in 5 years of talk therapy. He works hard every day though as does my daughter, exposure therapy and medication was also her treatment. She is so brave and doing awesome. It’s important to find the right treatment. Right now it’s so tough, I would love for my oldest daughter to see someone but I can’t find anyone! Luckily it’s not critical, I just would like for her to get some support. It’s hard watching someone go through mental illness, the caregivers also need support. It’s really hard for us to explain the situation too.
Bangs Friend
Thank you for sharing, Carrie. I don’t have anyone close to me that struggles with OCD and don’t really understand it completely. I think a lot of disorders are misrepresented and/or misunderstood. I’m glad you husband has been able to get his under control. I hope you can find support for your oldest and for yourself! You are so right, caregivers need support to. I hope you can take time for yourself and take care of yourself while also tending to your loved ones. <3
Marianne
I was reminded this week that our feelings (or hard things) only have power when they are a secret. Thank you, Bangs Friend, for helping everyone see that our mental health is NOT a secret!
Bangs Friend
There really is a lot of healing that comes through acceptance and openness. <3