Healthy Food Relationship Talk + Running w/4 Inches of Snow on Your Head.

I LOVE what you are doing to raise such healthy kids with healthy attitudes towards food! I have wonderful parents who I adore, but they didn’t do these things and i did end up with eating issues in high school and college.
I think it gets really hard when kids get a little older and are exposed to media that’s obsessed with weight loss, as they are growing up and naturally gaining weight- I know that was hard for me!
So far it sounds like you’re doing a great job and I’ll have to remember this for when I have kids!

Oh my goodness. That looks WAY too cold!!! Props to y’all for getting out there and running in a blizzard!

I love how you encourage your kids to love their bodies and reinforce that when you’re looking in the mirror, and I’m definitely going to do that with my nieces. It’s easy to see all of our flaws, but it’s so much better to embrace the things that make us uniquely us and find the beauty that God created in each of us. I definitely still have to work on this sometimes (I spent most of my entire life thinking that I was ugly and that no guy would ever be interested in me because of the way I look), but I’ve gotten better about trying to compliment myself when I look in the mirror (in a non-conceited type of way) rather than pointing out the things that I see as flaws.

I love how you talk about being strong! That’s perfect. I know our society is still pretty backwards with food/dieting, but I feel like there is more of an emphasis on being strong right now. I love it!

I track my food, but just to make sure I’m getting enough of the right stuff. I love seeing the percentages for macros line up, ha! Type A personality over here. I don’t think we should tell oursveles we can’t have something. It just makes us want it more and it can give certain foods a negative light. You guys are doing it right!!

Also, dang to that snow run. You’re my hero!

I love your approach to raising your littles with a healthy relationship with food and with body image. I have a big, horrible history with my own body, and I have come a long way. I grew up believing that people were “better” if they looked a certain way, and I grew up with parents who worked VERY HARD to instill in me strong values of IMAGE and VANITY. They still try to shove it down my throat (which is why I do not ever want to live so close to them, no matter how dearly I love them).

But what I have come to is this: there are times where my body does not look or feel its absolute best (right now is one of them), and I know that some of it I can be in control of–movement and eating the foods that feel best in my body–and some of it is very strongly linked to the effects of depression and anxiety. For me it’s important to recognize when I am eating in a way that allows my body to work the way I want it to work and when that other stuff is taking over. For most of the last year, that other stuff took over quite a bit. I may have also allowed myself to enjoy a bit more cake than I normally would if I want my body to feel really capable of kicking butt in front of an RPM class or on the road. I will readily admit this. BUT–at the end of the day–when I know that my body WORKS in all the best ways (it lets me teach spin classes and Body Flow classes, it lets me walk all over the place, it lets me wrap my husband in a big hug, it lets me run and walk, it lets me go out and about and spend time with friends…etc…), then my body is allowing me to fully exist in this world and to fulfill all of the parts of me that are part of my identity and where I feel the most alive. I prefer my body to fit into a different size of pants. But my body is still amazing right now because it can do more than take up space in the world I live in. It can run and teach 4-6 spin classes a week and go on retail therapy trips through Target and teach classes and work in a running store. It can run. It can walk. It can enjoy sunsets and it can drag my husband through Lululemon whenever it wants.

I call that a pretty big win in a world full of so many elements that just want to drag a person down.

:)

PS–my 10K on Saturday didn’t happen. I was upset about it for about 10 minutes, but I spent the rest of the weekend having fun with my husband in a really pretty place and in mild weather and finding a really great place of peace and closure and openness to the fact that I just didn’t run this one race–instead of demonizing myself as a total failure because something felt so incredibly wrong and my body was hurting so incredibly much that the thought of this run was the worst thing ever.

I love what you’re doing to raise your kids – especially in regards to food. I’m a dietitian and there’s a lot of research about eating competence, much of it done by Ellyn Satter. The idea that we eat until we are full, eat when we are hungry, and can enjoy all food without judgment from ourselves. She also has a wealth of information in her website for anyone trying to adopt that type of approach with their kids (any age) or even themselves! Sorry if I’m getting preachy – it’s a topic I feel really strongly about and can’t wait for the day when people stop worrying about weight because health and happiness don’t come from your weight – people are diverse in many ways, including their body types and that should be celebrated.

I had a really healthy relationship with my body until I was about 17 (I did a lot of sports and didn’t think about if it looked a certain way, etc.), when someone told me I should lose 5-10 pounds–I hate to admit it but ever since then it’s something I think about a LOT. I struggle now with loving my body even though I know it’s not “perfect” and never can be–or how to love the body I have now even as I’m trying to get in better shape and feel stronger.

It baffles me, too, how much we praise people who are very skinny–two years ago I lost a LOT of weight after surgery and illness and was very thin and underweight. I wasn’t healthy!! But people would say, “You look so good; have you lost weight?” Well, yes, because I was crazy sick and couldn’t eat anything! I was also so weak I couldn’t even open my own car door. I’m so grateful now for those simple things my body can do.

I also feel the same way about wanting people to stop when they start talking negatively about themselves/food/calories/etc. I can’t stand it when I’m trying to enjoy lunch and people start talking about the calories in their sandwich or telling me that I shouldn’t be eating dairy. I love the way you and Andrew are raising your children.

One more story (sorry, this is so long)–one of my good friends in college said she didn’t like the way she looked so much that she hated looking in mirrors. That made me so sad and I’ve resolved since then to always smile at myself in the mirror, even if I’m having a bad day or have just woken up and look awful! It’s made such a difference and I’m so glad you do it, too. There should be a campaign for that . . . #smileatthemirror or something. :-)

This is such an important topic and I love the way you are handling it! My daughter is 15 months and learning body parts. She loves to lift her shirt and say Belly, then lift mine and point to my belly. At first this made be super uncomfortable, but I realized she just sees me, her mom and she loves me. So I let her do it and smile. Then we point to our eyes, ears, and nose.
It is going to be very important for me to talk positively in front of her in the future. I have struggled with body image my whole life and don’t want that for her. She sees mom and dad eat healthy, but have treats. And do Crossfit and run, to be healthy not to look a certain way. Keeping all of this in mind while raising kids is so important! Thanks for touching on this subject.

One million percent yes on your nutrition approach!! Dietitian approved ;)

Okay…sorry for the double comment, but this post is really resonating with me! :) As I’m reading through other comments, it’s making me think – I am curious to hear your thoughts or your readers, about what is the best way to be a positive influence of healthy body image even outside our own families. Sometimes I worry that when I post running photos etc. on social media, what people see is pressure to get back in shape quickly. I SO do not want to perpetuate that message at all! Do you think it’s preachy to write in a caption about how I run because I love it, and I eat in order to give my body what it needs to do the amazing things it allows me to do (feed my baby, train for a marathon)? Or do you think that comes off as an *eyeroll* “easy for the skinny girl to say” sort of thing? Better to save the soapbox for the 1:1 conversations with friends etc.? I guess since you are an “influencer” it is sort of your job to talk about these things and share your thoughts, but maybe for the average person their friends/family don’t really want to hear it. So for us who don’t have the platform, what do people think is the best way to make a positive impact (or at least not contribute to the disordered thinking)?

I don’t have kids yet, but I think about body image stuff all the time as a teacher and aunt. My family is (now) pretty open about what parts of our upbringing contributed to some pretty negative food relationship issues for me and some of my family members. We’ve figured out what NOT to do…. which is to make negative comments about weight gain/body types, label foods as good/bad, talk about weight loss efforts and programs in front of kids, comment on what others are eating (“ANOTHER piece of cake?!?”) or what they are/are not doing and how that can impact their appearance (“you need to go out to play or else….”). With my students and nieces I try to encourage healthy eating. When I am caring for kids I require them to eat at least 1 fruit and 1 vegetable every day, but beyond that there’s tons of treats and fun foods available and I try to model a balanced diet. I frame exercise as something fun, and something that we need to be our best self.
In other news, New England is COVERED in ice and snow:(

Did Andrew when at New Haven? I’ve already thought he looked familiar and could never quite put my finger on where I knew him from. I worked there for about a year in 2000.

YES! I love love love the message you are sending to your kiddos about food being food and exercise for health! I have 2 boys who eat all the time. I cringe when my mom tells me my 8 year old is getting chunky. I, like you, change the subject. I don’t want him having a complex around food. When he asks if something is bad to eat, I say everything is fine in moderation and leave it at that. We don’t own a scale, I never talk about weight loss/gain, they see me going to the gym and doing PT exercises every day for my health and because I want to be strong, we talk about our strong muscles, have push up contests etc.
I’m very fortunate that food has been a non-issue for me and i think it’s from playing team sports and surrounding myself with strong/positive females – then and now. My crew of friends focus on distance, speed, strength etc.
My mom has always had a complex around food and her body image. She’s been dieting my whole life and it’s sad that she has that sort of relationship with her body. When every she complains about her weight, I remind her how strong she is by walking across a country, running 10k’s, backpacking, kayaking all in her 60’s and 70’s!
Ok. Ramble over.

We got dumped on! It’s also very cold here, which is tough for the kiddies who wanted to play in the snow over the weekend. My little guy and I, and my husband, basically hibernated all weekend. But I definitely have a picture or two from a couple years ago when I braved a storm for a 15 miler. It builds character ;)
Your philosophy on body image, exercising, and eating, and how you try to set an example for your children is just beautiful, Janae. I, too, struggled with an eating disorder and was hospitalized numerous times in my 20s. I have long since recovered, and feel that my experience, though tortuous at the time, really taught me lifelong lessons that I now try to impart on those around me, including my son. As a family, we balance delicious vegetables with treats, exercise for fun, and take pride in what our imperfect bodies can do, rather than what they look like. Thank you for spreading that message of body love!

Along with not talking negative about my body in front of my kids (ESPECIALLY my 12 year old daughter) I also don’t let my kids see me try on multiple outfits – I don’t want them to see my insecurity about how I look in things. Also, I always make sure they know that I exercise as a mental release and so I can hopefully be strong and active for a long time – like when they have kids! I tell them I want to be an active grandma, so I have to be active now!

How did I not know Andrew worked with inpatient teens at an eating disorder clinic?! You two are such a dynamic couple and have done some amazing things in addition to marriage and parenting! I think it’s time for a post on your past careers/jobs/volunteer work/etc. :)

I have had body image issues since age 5. Yup. 5. I remember being totally uncomfortable in my own skin. To make it worse on me, my mother was a competitive masters runner and *very* thin. I remember catching a glimpse of myself around age 13 or so while I was bending over grabbing something and was horrified by what I saw. My mom said “I was your size once.” I think she meant it to be reassuring because she’s the most motivating kind person ever but it came across really negative for my already fragile mind. I’m only now accepting my body and all it’s characteristics-mainly because I’m 49 and bodies naturally make changes at this age, too! It’s interesting to me and makes me want to tell all people younger than me to embrace themselves NOW!

My son is now sub 14 years old and he’s self conscious. It’s just so hard to hear kids say harsh things about themselves. Especially since kids are amazing and incredible no matter what their size! Bodies in general are amazing when you think about all the things a body does just to walk, run, sleep, etc!!! It’s always working somehow!

Have a super week! You are a great family and it’s fun to catch a glimpse of your happenings!!!

My relationship with food is rollercoaster. I recall being VERY strict, testing my body fat percentages DAILY, and counting calories for everything that passed my lips. I’ve also been that person that used food as a coping mechanism to deal with stress. It is a process that I continually work on. I felt for a long time that it was either unhealthily strict, or unhealthily willy nilly. There wasn’t a middle ground. It really has been having kids that made me aware of how much I was thinking/talking about my body/what I was eating. Kids pick up on everything. When my oldest (8) was smaller he heard his dad tell me that I looked nice any time we were going out on a date, or I dressed up, or something of that nature. I always replied, “I look chubby.” As a result he and his little sister thought that chubby was a compliment. When they thought they were looking particularly good they said, “Look, Mommy, I look so chubby.” which I kind of loved that they didn’t have a negative connotation to it, but I kind of hated because I was the one who had a warped perception that they misinterpreted. More and more I’ve just had to be kinder to myself and that helps with the kids. We have treats in our house and snack foods, but the kids know that they need to eat their vegetables. I try to avoid most sweets because I LOVE them way too much, and know that about myself. My doctor actually said that living and 80/20 method is healthy and good. 80% of the time a person should strive to exercise hard and eat healthy. 20% of the time they can relax and eat the treat if they want to. That’s been good for me.

I LOVED the snow yesterday! I got home from the gym around 7:00 AM and it really started coming down after that. So my daughter (6) and I went out to shovel the driveway and sidewalks. We also shoveled the neighbor’s driveway and then my kids played in the blizzard for hours! 3 hours was enough for me! :)

I grew up always getting a tiny treat sized chocolate bar or wee snack bag of potato chips in my school lunch. On weekend afternoons my family would have a fizzy drink and some chips together. As a result those sorts of ‘treat’ foods were never special or overly exciting to my brother and I and we both have very healthy relationships with food as adults.

My husband and I also have a treat shelf in the pantry and, just like you, because it’s always there we usually forget any of it is even there. I’ve got a few friends who were never allowed treats as children so used to sneak off to buy and binge on them. I 100% believe you’re doing the right thing taking away the novelty of those foods and making sure that fruit is just as exciting and delicious to them as chips and candy :)

I ADORE this post! As a women who struggled with bulimia for nearly ALL of my 20s, I wish I had some of what you are providing to your kids when I was growing up. You may not be able to save them from everything, but major kudos to you for putting the thought and effort into this. Accomplishments over appearance!

Hmmm, the craziest weather I have ever raced in – this was more than 5 years ago, I was living in Alberta, where the weather routinely is – 20 degrees celsius or more during winters. I had signed up for a 10 mile (in April I believe) race knowing I would be running in snow. But the forecast for race day was so bad that I believe around 50 percent of the people signed up didn’t end up running/picking up their packages. I thought I would at least go and pick up my package and go from there. Well, the day of the race, I pulled up, opened my car door and nearly toppled from the wind, and snow. But I thought what they heck I will start. I ran the race, slipped (not injured) and it was so cold and this steady snow coming down every body just had their heads tucked down, no one was talking and just kind of surviving haha. And at the end my fingers were so numb (even though I had gloves) that a volunteer had to untie my shoe laces for me. And to top it off, part of the post race treats was ice cream! I had to use the blow dryers in the bathrooms to warm up. Even my friends who grew up in Alberta and were used to the cold thought I was insane. One of my friends told me that I was crazy and that it would have been a good day to settle for a warm cup of defeat hahah. She may have had a point.

I love how you help your kiddos develop a healthy relationship with food. In college, I had my share of struggles with an ED. Running was a huge part of the healing process. Ironically, I didn’t run to lose weight etc, I ran because I loved it. And the more I ran, the less obsessed I became with how I looked and more what my body could do. Some days, I still can’t believe the things my body can do and the distances it can cover. And ironically I am probably most happy with my body now. I eat what I want – some days it is a lot of chocolate. But food became fuel – because lets face it you, can’t fuel ultra marathons on junk alone. And the day I overheard my sister tell my 3 year old niece look how muscles on Auntie’s legs are made me so happy :). I got those muscles and strong legs from years of running – that wasn’t a goal but an end product. Our bodies were made to move.

We don’t have kids, but with my nieces, I hope as they get older, that I am able to go hiking, running, etc with them and they learn to appreciate what their bodies are capable of rather than focus as much on what they look like as we all are built differently. I tend to show my older 3 year old niece a lot of photos of mountains and hiking so she has started to say that she wants to go to the mountains.:) When I don’t have to carry her and she can hike on her own we will go!

Thanks for sharing Janae and I hope you have a fantastic day! And happy running in all the snow :)

Hi Janae,
Thank you for your comments / suggestions on keeping things balanced. I am 54 and have a 15 yr old competitive swimmer. When I was your age I was overly obsessed with running and food. I did not give myself enough breaks? Fast forward 20 years, I am seeing life thru the eyes of my daughter and giving her the tools she needs to be successful in the water and in life. We have raised her much as you do your children with balanced meals and a pantry full of snacks, both healthy and not so healthy. She makes her own choices based on her needs and it works out very well. We have never denied her anything in the way of food and are primary focus is that she eats. She has been exposed to several teens with eating disorders and that is a very scary road for many families to travel. Thank you for your uplifting posts.
Enjoy the snow, it looks beautiful.

I LOVE your approach to teaching your kids a healthy relationship with food and body image ?? Sounds perfect to me!

My mom and dad are great, but this is one area I think they just never thought about (to be fair I think relationships with food weren’t a thing/buzzword as much when we were kids).

Growing up we ate a lot of fast food, frozen chicken tenders, pasta and sweet treats. My friends loved coming to my house because my parents never stopped us from eating ice cream or cookies! We are vegetables sometimes but never really talked about how much of different food groups we should eat.

After I went through puberty I think this caught up with me because I got a little chubby and definitely practiced emotional eating. The WORST memory I have from high school is the morning after my senior prom. My mom sat me down with her digital camera and basically said she didn’t think my dress had been very flattering and made me look at the pictures while she pointed out why. I genuinely don’t think she realized how damaging this would be and probably just wanted me to pick more flattering dresses in the future. But my recommendation to all moms would be to be VERY careful what you say to your kids about their appearance because I will never forget how awful I felt that day.

In high school my parents occasionally told me I needed to exercise more/alluded to my chubbiness. I obviously didn’t like being chubby, but I didn’t really get how I could exercise if I wasn’t on sports teams. My dad was a runner and tried to encourage me to run, but I hated how I felt trying to keep up with him.

For me, it “clicked” when I went to college 800 miles away. I finally had total control of every meal I ate and for me, this was a good thing. I learned that I could eat hummus and vegetables and feel a lot better than if I ate five cookies from the dining commons. I had access to a gym on campus and started figuring out how to use it. I wasn’t perfect and definitely had my fair share of early morning Taco Bell runs, but I was learning. By the time I graduated from college, I’d run a half marathon and lost 10-15 pounds comoared graduating from high school, putting me in a healthy weight for my height.

Now I feel like I do have a healthy relationship with food where I eat mostly healthy but still have treats and don’t feel bad about it. I exercise but not because I have to burn off food. Etc.

When I have kids, I definitely want to focus more on health and how to be healthy than my parents did. But we are all doing our best!!