23 WEEKS + I’m going to get all mushy on you for a few minutes if that is okay.

And we are at the 23 week mark this week!

*It’s kind of a strange thing to be sitting down and feeling a bit out of breath.  Walking up the stairs requires a rest at the top because I’m so out of breath.  It’s weird because I don’t feel that way at all with running but throughout the day I get random out of breath moments.

*44 miles last week!  Andrew and I have a 12k this weekend that I’m looking forward to.  I’m just going to keep on running while I can!

*My love of a good hot dog has disappeared (same thing for hamburgers and steaks etc) but Brooke is still going strong with the hot dog love these days.

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*Early (I’m talking early) to bed and early to rise are the key to my levels of energy right now.

*I can still definitely tie my shoes but it just doesn’t feel super great to bend over to do it… thank you Andrew.

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*Grapes and cottage cheese are still a thing, grilled cheese, soup, pancakes, mangoes and tacos are my number one.  I still have no desire for candy.  I had some on Saturday and immediately regretted my decision because I did not feel good afterwards.   Also, I’m starting to feel full a lot faster than normal so I’m just eating more frequently.

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*Almost at the 6 month mark!  Isn’t it funny how pregnancy feels like it goes by so fast when it is somebody else’s pregnancy and then when it is i your own… it feels like slow motion ha.

*I miss stomach sleeping.  My plantar fasciitis doesn’t (I swear that is what causes mine.. I wrote about that here) but sleeping on my left side each night isn’t my favorite.  I can’t complain because I have been sleeping amazingly… I am really lucky!

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We had our big ultrasound appointment (that I already told you a bit about in the previous post) at 21 weeks but I thought I would share a little more from that day.  If anything I want to share this to be able to journal it for myself and hopefully be able to help anyone else that has felt anything like what I felt in previous years.

As I was laying on the table during this ultrasound at 21 weeks pregnant in the dark room with Andrew at my side I was overwhelmed with gratitude.  A gratitude that I can’t even describe because it was gratitude for something that I wanted for years (there are others that go through WAY WORSE but I’m just saying this was hard on me) more than anything else on the planet.  I told you this a few weeks ago but I had a miscarriage when Brooke was about 10 months old and the pain and heartache that comes with miscarriage is beyond painful.  I wish that no one ever had to experience that and it was obviously a very dark time for me.  From there I was separated and then divorced for a few years before meeting Andrew.  During those years I experienced so much hopelessness.   While being married and having children isn’t the key to happiness (I had many lessons to learn over those years about how to love myself and be happy on my own)… being married and having children is something that every ounce of my soul longed for (and it is a beautiful thing that our souls all long for different things… I just wanted to share what I personally wanted more than anything).  I love family, I love relationships and I wanted so badly to be able to have a husband and more children.  With each dating circumstance not working time after time, I grew hopeless for a while.  I just began to think it wasn’t in the cards for me to get married again (and my self-confidence after my divorce didn’t help my hopeless feelings either).  I came to terms that maybe another little one wasn’t in the picture for me.  I was going to love my life with Brookers, and that I did.  Not long after I grew so much love for the life I had, I met Andrew and we got married two months later but there were definitely some years where I struggled with feeling like it wasn’t going to happen.

Picture from before the ultrasound… pretty sure all of my eyelashes fell off during the ultrasound.

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Then as I sat there during the ultrasound and I saw our new little girl’s beautiful lips and nose, the tears started streaming.  I’m sure that the ultrasound tech just thought that it was my hormones causing the tears but there was so much more to those tears.  There were years built into those tears of praying to be able to be married and have more children.  There were tears all along the way (along with many happy days too) to this point with the strong desire to build a family together with a wonderful man all while feeling so alone each night once I put Brooke to bed.  Those tears that day at my ultrasound were full of feeling so incredibly thankful for the chance to experience this beautiful thing with Andrew.  Those 45 minutes or so of staring at our little girl on the screen meant more to me than I can express.  I can’t even imagine what the day is going to feel like when she is born or when I see Andrew holding her or when Knox and Brooke meet her for the first time.

All in all I just wanted to share that we all feel hopeless at times.  We all have situations that happen to us that are completely out of our control.  Life isn’t perfect for anyone but it is beautiful.  I think God knew exactly what I needed to learn during those years (and I’m not saying life is perfect now… there are new struggles of course:).  I think He wanted me to truly appreciate the blessings he had up ahead for me and I’m grateful for the growth that came along the way.  You are never alone even when it feels like you completely are, there is so much good up ahead.

This quote (from a talk I listen to on repeat when things get hard for me) always provided me a lot of strength.

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Have anything mushy to share about life, pregnancy, hope… anything at all?  I love a good story!!

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72 comments

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Janae this was so beautiful! It made me tear up.

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Oh thank you Rebecca, I hope you are having a wonderful day!

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It’s so glad to see you so happy in your relationship Janae. That is truly all that matters…

I have no good stories lately. I’ve been watching a lot of America’s Got talent on TV and I love hearing people’s inspirational stories there. Nothing to do with anything, but truly inspiring.

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I love this. It’s really neat when we are on the other side of an incredibly difficult thing to see how it helped us grow, and then now appreciate the goodness after it even more. My brother-in-law had a massive stroke a few months ago and it’s been such a challenging journey for their family. But I was just talking to my sister today about the miracles they’ve seen, and I know some day they’ll look back and be able to see even more clearly how much they grew. And they definitely appreciate all the little milestones now that normally would just be “regular” things, like eating and speaking. Elder Rasband was able to visit their family in the hospital and one of the things he told them was to remember that Heavenly Father never makes mistakes. He knows what experiences wil help us grow and ultimately help us be who He knows we can, and have the most happiness we can! Anyway, this is too long, haha, but I’m glad you’ve found so much happiness with your beautiful little family!

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Gina, I am so so sorry about everything that your family has gone through over the last few months and I hope so badly that the recovery possible continues to go the best way possible. THANK YOU for sharing what Elder Rasband said, that is so true. Thank you for sharing, keep me updated with how you are all doing.

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I love ALL THE MUSHY! I just had my third baby on Friday and it was the most amazing experience I’ve had giving birth. This pregnancy was a surprise and it took me a while to be excited and not just totally anxious. But as I was pushing, my husband and I looked at each other and just cried. We knew this little boy was coming into our family as a gift from God and this was exactly what we should be doing on our lives at that exact moment. So that’s my mushiness for the day…and now I’m crying, but my hormones are crazy right now so no surprise there haha!!!

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I listen to that talk on repeat too. Like every time I’m feeling down or like life is crashing in on me. I love Him!

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I don’t know you, but I love you! ;) You’re always so genuine and encouraging. Thank you for sharing! Your baby girl is already so loved!

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Wow, thank you so much Kim for your sweet comment… it means the world to me. I hope you are having an amazing week!

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Oh my goodness, I’m in tears now! That was beautifully written and I’m so happy the way things turned out for you.

It took my husband and I nearly a year to get pregnant and then at 10 weeks found out there was no heartbeat. That and the following month were the hardest of my life and the year before wasn’t easy either, watching so many other women become pregnant and have babies (and I know a year isn’t even that long compared to some). But because of that, I feel like I’m so much more grateful for this pregnancy and our baby boy will be loved that much more, because we know what it’s like to pray for and hope for and still not have him. Every time he moves, I smile just knowing he’s there and that we’ll get to meet him in a few short months. He really is a rainbow baby. Life can be dark and painful but the blessing that follows makes it all worth it.

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Yes yes yes… the hard stuff makes us feel even more gratitude! Congrats on your little boy, I’m so happy for you!

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Love that quote and I’m so happy for you and for where you are at! Everyday I pray that my boys will persevere through hard times and never lose hope because I know there will be hard times but I also know that there is good at the other end of the hard times. You are a great example of that kind of perseverance!
I’m not sure if this is appropriate but since you’re talking about the “big” ultrasound I thought I’d share that our big ultrasound for my second kiddo was not positive. He had some issues that they said could be indicative of DS and they said “there’s still time….” And we said absolutely not and he is completely healthy and so smart and just skipped first grade and went from kindergarten to second grade. So I guess I just want to encourage anyone who hasn’t had a great ultrasound that the doctors are not always right. And even if they were right it would still be okay. Please delete this if it’s not appropriate.

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THANK YOU FOR SHARING your experience Ali! I really appreciate it and I am SURE others will too. Thank you. I hope you and your boys are having the most amazing day!

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I have had multiple miscarriages and I honestly handled them with ease until our last one which hurt so much. We used injectable fertility meds to conceive my oldest and then when we tried for my youngest we lost 3. At the time I just felt like each loss was leading to something else. I think I was disconnected. When we decided we were done trying and that one was enough, I was 6 weeks pregnant. I found out when I was almost 8 weeks. She is our little miracle baby. We lost another a year ago. It was an “oops” and completely unexpected. We never planned for another child but it was very hard. I felt like miscarriage was so hard too because no one talks about it. I wish more people talked about it.
Seeing that baby after a miscarriage is very powerful.

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Oh Carrie, I am so beyond sorry about everything you have been through and another loss a year ago. I am so happy that you had your little miracle.. what an amazing story. I do think we need to talk about it more. I am sure it would have helped me when I experienced it but I was just too afraid to talk about it with anyone but my mom.

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Janae, I’m a relatively new reader (I found HRG in February) but I went back and read some older posts while hopping around and exploring your blog. It’s awesome that you met Andrew and are fulfilling the longing that you’ve had for so long!!

Have a great night :)

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I don’t know if you’ve tried it yet but if you haven’t look up the Strassburg sock. I’ve been using it a month now and my pf is basically healed. Granted I’ve stopped running completely because it was that bad. There’s more info on their website. I learned about it at my local running store. It might help!

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I haven’t tried it yet!! I sure need to… thank you so much Caitlin!!!

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All the feelings! So happy for you and your journey!

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Hey Janae-first long time reader and so many congrats heading your way! I have a question for you that I thought you might have some insight on. We are currently struggling with secondary infertilty. After countless doctors appointments and fertility treatment we finally got a positive-only to lose the baby early on. We are going through treatment again. My question is: how do you mentally calm yourself for it “being ok” to run? Maybe that never happened to you, but no matter how many times the doctor says I can run, I am so terrified it might cause something bad to happen early on. I ran all the way to labor with my first (almost literally ;) ) , but if i am ever blessed again with a pregnancy, I am so nervous to run-even though I’d want to do badly! Any suggestions for calming those thoughts?!?

Again-only happiness for you!!! Best best best!

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Oh Kelly, thank you for commenting and I am so sorry about what you have been through. I personally haven’t struggled with this part of feeling ok to run while pregnant but I can totally understand how hard that must be. I rely a lot on prayer when I feel a lot of anxiety. I pray about something and really pour my soul out and if I still feel anxious about the situation then I consider that my answer… if I feel at peace then I continue forward with that feeling and stop letting myself think about something. This is just what I do personally and I’m sorry it’s not a more ‘official’ answer. Thinking about you Kelly and please keep me updated with how you are doing.

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You’re the best! Taking time to reply to a stranger (although I feel like I know you…does that count?!?). So appreciate your thoughts on this one. Heaven knows my anxiety sure does get to me! I will keep you updated on this one if we are blessed with another babe in the future! Again-all the best!!

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Thinking about you kelly!!!!!!!!

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As always, I love it when you go deep and talk about stuff like this, and how your faith has helped you. You’re just one of those permanently positive people, so I can imagine that it would be hard for you sometimes to keep smiling, almost like everyone expects you to so you do, but man oh man you have been through some hard times. But your ability to hold onto hope is inspiring, and gives us hope too. <3

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Beautiful story:)

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I have to say, this was one of the most beautiful pieces you have written, very in awe of your storytelling and your journey!

Also, you have a “Brooke”, I will pay you 1 billion dollars if you name the next girl “Launch” “Ghost” or “Glycerin”. I am not kidding. I will start a go-fund-me. ;)

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HAHAH I LOVE IT… I’m going to have to go ask Andrew!

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While I’m not pregnant, nor do I think children are in my future (something I am very okay with) this post was really touching. I’ve experienced some loss on a different level, over the last few months, and that coupled with a challenging last 3 years has left me with that hopeless feeling you speak of, quite often.

Thanks so much for this post Janae-I think it may be one that I come back to from time to time when I need the lovely reminders you mention.

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Olivia, I am truly so sorry about the loss you have been experiencing and for a hard three years. If you ever need to chat I can be a great email penpal:) You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers.

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I’m so glad I read this post! I catch up here and there on your posts throughout the week but THIS ONE. Girl, you truly touched my heart. We have been trying to conceive for a few months and we haven’t had any luck. There’s been many family emergencies along the way as well but I know that I still have hope in God. One day when we finally get that positive test, all the tears and sadness will go away and it will make sense. I think I relate to you in that my soul longs for a family too and just to be able to feel that life growing inside me as well. Thank you so much for sharing this and letting us peek into your life!

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Oh thank you so much Virjinia! I am so sorry about all of the hard things that have happened with your family lately. Please keep me updated with how you are doing and your story!

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Holy cow… I haven’t even started typing out the story and my eyes are already watering… Jeez! My sweet baby boy is 3 months old so pregnancy is fresh on my mind. This always gives me the feels.

I have a long commute (1 hour) each way to work so I spend a lot of time listening to music. The last trimester I always listened to “Lightening Crashes” by Live on Itunes. If you don’t know this song, listen to it immediately. It is about the beauty in the circle of life and birth and death. I just daydreamed about the day I would give birth to him and would rub my belly and sing to him.

Anyways, this song never comes on the radio. Super rare. When we were driving home for the first time after I gave birth, the song started playing on the radio. I had chills. Its like I had dreamed and dreamed of my baby boy being here and now he finally was in my arms.

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Okay, I LOVE THAT SONG SO MUCH! Love it. I am going to go listen to it now, thank you for reminding me! Thank you for sharing, that is amazing that the song started playing on your way home… wow. I hope you and your little boy are having a wonderful day together!

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I experienced infertility for 8 years before I got pregnant with my daughter via a combination of clomid and IUI (artificial insemination). I was so grateful to have my daughter, but I also wanted more children. I prayed for years that I would get pregnant again. My daughter started begging for a sibling around 3 years old. So she started praying too. Years went by, and I still wasn’t pregnant. Due to the infertility treatments, I was denied health insurance. (This was before Obamacare)
My Dr discovered a large cyst on my ovary. But wouldn’t operate since I didn’t have health insurance. It was a very difficult time.
Then one day I started praying that I would get pregnant without the surgery. I also started praying for my future child by name. I had a very strong prompting a few years earlier about a boy named Mackay. So I prayed for him, by name.
By now Obamacare was available, and there was only a few days left to sign up. My husband and I took some convincing, but we decided to sign up on the last day. Our insurance was effective the following month. The month our insurance went into effect I got pregnant. At about 24 weeks I asked my Dr if he could remove my cyst at the time of delivery if I had a C-section. He agreed, so I had my baby and cyst removal at the same time. Everything came together in the end, and it couldn’t have been better.

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Wow, Katie… thank you so much for sharing your beautiful story. It gave me goosebumps. I am so happy for your family and how things have worked out. Thank you.

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Thank you so much for writing this, I really needed to read it today :)
Hugs,
Amanda

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Thinking of you Amanda!!! Let me know if you need anything!

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Love this!! I had tears in my eyes by the time I was finished reading. I totally agree that our disappointments and struggles make us stronger. When something doesn’t go my way, I tell myself that everything will work out in the end and might even be better than I expected. Attitude has so much power!!

We are never to old to learn and grow or experience new joy. I think this is one of God’s greatest gifts if we are willing to accept it.

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Thank you so much Elizabeth! I hope you are having an amazing day and you are so right about attitude!!!

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My husband and I dealt with infertility for many years before we got pregnant all natural. We tried everything when they told us we had a 0.1% chance of getting pregnant naturally (meds, hormones, procedures, tests, IUI, IVF). It was a very dark time for us because nothing worked. I questioned myself, my husband and even my faith. When we found out that I was pregnant and carrying our miracle baby I broke down. The tears just kept on coming. The first trimester was tough because I was on pins and needles that it was a fluke and I was going to loose this baby at any point. When we got a call from all our genetic testing saying that everything was normal I lost it. Even when we had done IVF, all of our embryos had come back with genetic anomalies that were not viable so hearing that everything was perfect with our little blessing just made everything finally feel real. I knew that this was Gods plan all along. I just needed to have patience and faith. I was born for this…to be a mother. I am at the end of my pregnancy as tomorrow is my due date and I couldn’t be more excited yet scared for our next adventure.

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Daisy, thank you so much for being so open about your journey. I am so beyond sorry about everything you experienced but congratulations on your biggest miracle ever. I am so happy for you. Please keep me updated with how you are doing and good luck (hopefully tomorrow;)!!!!

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Just read it, Such a great post! I remember all of the fun times we had when you were going through your divorce. I know that time was so hard for you, but you were always so positive and happy. I loved all of those fun memories of running and lunch dates and eating pounds of Fro Yo! It was a rough time for me too with my PPD and I’m so glad we had each other and good friends to get through the tough times. I love you and am so happy for you! Your baby girl is lucky to have you and Andrew!! Love you friend ? -Heather

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LOVE YOU and thank you so much for being there for me over those years! We sure had fun… let’s have fun again!!!!

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What a beautiful post, Janae. It is clear that you are so thankful for all that you have, and I think that’s a fantastic attitude. I’m so happy for your family!
My husband and I tried for several years to have a baby, and after many negative tests, thousands of dollars, and multiple losses, I am finally 28 weeks pregnant. I got to the point where I never thought it would happen, and started trying to be ok with my life if we didn’t have children. You say that your pregnancy is moving slowly — I wish mine would slow down! I’m scared that this is the first and only time I’ll be able to experience it, and want to savor every moment.
About sleeping — I feel so lucky that I’m a natural side sleeper. I seriously haven’t had to change a thing as far as my sleep position goes. I hear about other women’s struggles with getting comfortable to sleep and it makes me feel almost guilty!

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Stacey, thank you so so much for sharing. You have been through SO much and I am so beyond happy that your little one is almost here!! Don’t feel guilty about the sleeping… enjoy it!!! Thanks for your comment Stacey, I love hearing from you!

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Thanks for writing this today. It made me cry! I’m getting married for the first time in October. I’m 31.. so I definitely get you on the whole waiting and being lonely part (as I’ve watched practically all of my friends get married/have babies). The past few months I have really began to understand how much love Heavenly Father has for me, because he made me wait for the perfect person for me and gave me my fiance; I couldn’t be more grateful :)

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CONGRATULATIONS COURTNEY on your engagement. I’m so excited for your wedding. Oh the waiting and loneliness is so hard but it sure makes us strong! I want to hear all about your wedding:)

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Thank you for sharing! So much truth to that. We had our first little girl shortly after you had Brooke, We waited a little while before trying for #2, and then struggled for 2 years, 2 miscarriages later, we finally are expecting again, and now I get to be pregnant with several of my best friends. I’m so grateful for how things turned out, even though many times throughout those 2 years we didn’t think we’d get another baby!! Everything happens for a reason!

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Oh Stephanie, I am so sorry about the miscarriages you had… that is so hard. CONGRATS on your pregnancy and keep me updated with how you are doing!!!

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I always used to say that batting .400 was a great baseball stat but not so hot for having babies. I’m up to .500 now but with almost 12 years inbetween #2 and #3, including 6 years of the doctors saying “I guess you can’t have any more”, I totally agree with you about the little miracles that pop into our lives. Sometimes great sorrow leads to great blessings – it’s just hard to have patience and foresight when you’re in the midst of grief.

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I am truly so so sorry about what you have been through over the years. You are so right about the importance of patience and perspective during those crazy hard times. Thank you for sharing, you are amazing.

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I’m still crying happy, understanding and reminiscing tears right now. When life gets hard or even if we just forget how much we DO have it can be debilitating. I think so many people feel disconnected from a supportive community (even if they actually have one) and feel the hopelessness that you did (that we all do). It is easy to fall into despair and give up. You are SO right that we need to grow and change, readjust and literally fight our way out one day at a time. Happiness is a choice.

I am so very happy for you, Congratulations! :)

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Karissa, thank you so so much for your comment. You nailed it! I hope you are having an amazing day Karissa!

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This is beautiful <3 <3 <3

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I’m so happy for you, Janae! I’m a long time reader, so it’s so nice to see you come Through everything and meet a wonderful man and marry him. I’m divorced after a long marriage and while I don’t long for someone in my life (and luckily have 3 wonderful kids), every so often I wonder if I will ever have a significant other or a husband again. So I understand that hopeless feeling. It makes me so happy that you, Andrew and the kids are so happy! (and it gives me a little hope too!!) Such a beautiful post!!

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Melissa, I am so so sorry about your divorce and the hopeless feelings that you have. I am SO glad you have 3 amazing kids and if you ever need someone to talk to… I’m your woman! Just email me. Thanks for sharing and I hope you are having an amazing day!

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Thanks Janae!! I appreciate that!

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I was a single mom from the time my daughter was six months old until she was 7. I relate to the feelings you expressed quite a bit. That hopeless feeling of thinking I would never meet someone to share my life with was no fun. But I agree that they prepared me to really, truly appreciate my “new” husband (we also got married quickly- four months after our first date). He is the greatest man and it is SO FUN to share a life with someone you really like hanging out with. :) And the help around the house isn’t bad either. After we first got married, people would ask how it was going and I was like “It is amazing, I don’t even know what day garbage day is any more.”

All that to say, I’m thrilled for you, Janae! It is great to see you so happy! :)

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Melissa, THANK YOU for sharing your story… we sure have a lot in common and I love it:) What you said at the end about garbage day was amazing hahaha! So happy for you and thank you:)

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My son was born at 23 weeks, weighing 1lb 6oz. He spent three months in the NICU before we got to take him home. Despite all of the doctors telling us all of the terrible issues he was likely to have, he’s now a completely healthy almost 2-year-old. While I would have given anything to keep him inside of me longer, to skip that whole NICU experience, my husband and I have discussed that we’re almost glad that we went through it. The lessons that we learned, the way we had to rely on God and each other, the strength we saw in our son, the miracles we watched God do, and the NICU parent family that we’re now a part of are all valuable pieces of our story. I wouldn’t wish the NICU on anyone. But now I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

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I hate to sound too cheesy, but the miracle of life really puts it all in perspective, doesn’t it. – I spent what felt like way too long feeling lonely and hoping to find my partner in life. Like you, for me I only found that person after finally realizing I would be okay on my own. I got married when I was 32 -about the time we started talking about having children I got sick -like not just sick where you get over it a week later, but I was sick to the point where I couldn’t eat for over a year (that’s a different long story), but eventually I started getting better, but still had such a long list of foods I couldn’t eat that I thought I probably couldn’t/shouldn’t get pregnant so my husband and I pursued (international) adoption. We were prepared for it not to be easy, but after 3 years of waiting and hoping, I was feeling completely healthy and we thought maybe having a family would mean me getting pregnant. So then the pregnancy journey began -I had no real issues actually getting pregnant, but suffered 3 miscarriages before I told my husband I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was destroyed both physically and mentally and I just couldn’t face the thought of more loss. So, we decided to go back to the adoption route and within 6 months were matched with a little 3 1/2 year old boy in China (this is a very very long story that I could talk endlessly about), but I’ll leave it short and tell you my moment where the thankful tears just came streaming was 3 days after he was put in my arms for the first time. It was my 40th birthday and my husband and I were brand new parents in China. I was sitting at the breakfast table drinking my coffee not even remembering that it was my birthday when my brand new and full of life son trotted over to me and handed me a birthday gift. It took a moment, but I looked up at my husband standing next to my son and he reminded me that it was my birthday and then my son (who obviously didn’t speak English) reached out to give me my present again… In that moment I felt thankful in a way that I had never felt before -it was a feeling so complete and so full of love that I just couldn’t hold back the tears. I will never forget that perfect moment in my life and I will never stop being thankful that I GOT to feel that thankful. -If life had always been easy and I had always gotten what I wanted I would not have experienced that one perfect moment in my life, so in a weird way I am thankful for all of it, heartbreak and all. -I’m so happy to read that you are also lucky enough to have your perfectly thankful moment, thanks for sharing!

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Kim, this is an amazing story. THank you for sharing. I adopted as well. It’s an amazing journey. What a privilege it is to become a parent this way. I believe my daughter was made and matched just for our family. All the best to you!

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I’m so happy you’ve found a wonderful man to love and support you because you’re such a beautiful person inside and out and you deserve the happiness you’ve found with Andrew.

Miscarriage is heartbreaking and something I’m all too familiar with right now. We lost our first pregnancy last October and we were so excited when we got pregnant again in June. When we went in for our first ultrasound we were told our baby had no heartbeat and we were devastated. I had a D&C yesterday morning.

I feel like I’m never going to get to enjoy going through a pregnancy and I’m afraid of becoming pregnant again. It hurts. It aches. Life can be so unfair sometimes.

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JANAE! This post spoke right to my heart. We emailed back during your divorce being finalized and mine beginning, and just about all that goes along with it. I have NO DOUBT in my mind that God truly provided for you – for both Andrew/Knox – You/Brooke – at just the right time. And then the gratefulness of having a new life growing inside of you – what a blessing!

My now husband and I met shortly after my divorce – and I remember as I was trudging through my divorce and the awful situation I was in, that i may never have kids – and I was okay with that (as I did not have kids when I was divorced) but deep down the ache was pretty deep. Well, shortly after my husband and I were engaged (we did things a bit differently the 2nd time around for both of us) we found out we were pregnant with a little girl (who is now almost 2!) and we are about to have a baby boy now in October! Add on to that my husband’s 7 year old (his late wife/mom passed away) and I can’t feel anymore blessed then I am. I cry thinking about it too – and your tears at your ultrasound remind me of the tears and hope I still have every time I look at my precious daughter – who I call, my redemption. God has always been faithful to me and has redeemed me out of a horrible situation -and he has done the same for you. Just all the praises! I am so happy for you my dear and am so blessed to call you an internet “friend!” :)

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This was so sweet to read! I don’t have babies but I read your HRG Baby posts anyway because I like reading pretty much anything you write – you are just so REAL. I totally understand the hopelessness (I don’t feel it for the same reasons, but I get it nonetheless) and it can be so very hard to pull yourself up out of the darkness. I am so happy that things worked out for you like they have!

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My wife and I had 4 miscarriages after the birth of our first. Two of them in 2011. We resorted to some medical help to finally get out 2nd child. I was done with two but my bride still aspired to a boy – which she had had dreams about. Our third was a boy and a real ‘surprise.’ I love the lad of course, but be careful out there! (The kids are 11, 3, and 2 and that’s a bit, shall we say, challenging).

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Oh my, I can so relate to this post! I was a single mama to my two big kids for 3 years before having my littlest one and getting married again. I loved being a single mom, and I really treasure the time it was just me and my two kids-I feel like I grew a lot as a person and my relationship with my kids really flourished with our unit of three. And now that I have my husband and newest baby in my life, I just feel so incredibly lucky to have gotten to experience this newest stage of life as a wife and as a mother of three, especially in such a healthy and happy relationship this time around.

Congrats on your newest little girl and your whole beautiful family!

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Beautifully said Janae!!! Never give up on HOPE! Since my husband and I got married, 5 1/2 years ago we have been able to experience so much together! God has blessed us more than we will ever know and we have now been on a journey to start a family. It has been more of a struggle than we would have ever thought. But we know God is good and through so many hopeless feeling months, we know God is in control. Thank you for the encouragement!!

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Loved reading this Janae! You have such a beautiful soul and I love how much you open up to your readers. It is one of the main reasons I love and have always loved your blog ❤️

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Sometimes I just look at my husband, my two dogs, and my two cats and think how lucky I am to have such an amazing home life and family. My mom, dad, and sister are great, too, although I don’t see them as much as I’d like. My husband is so awesome and supportive. My family has always supported me. I don’t know what I’d do without them. I get teared up when we have just regular moments like watching tv or at the dinner table and I just look at them all and feel happy in the moment and never want it to go away. I’m gonna go snuggle with them right now! And listen to that talk you mentioned. Do you have random moments of happiness like that?

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Oh Janae! This is such a beautiful post. It’s been awhile since ‘we’ve chatted’ but it’s so nice to be back in touch, i am your friend from New Zealand.
I split up with my x fiancé and father of army soon to be 3 year old boy Max a year ago, we gave it another go and then split up officially this past March. I jumped straight into another relationship just to have my heartbroken. It’s only been a couple months and I long to be married and find my soul mate and also have the opportunity to have another child with the man I plan on spending my life with and I honestly believe sometimes that’s just not going to happen for me and it is heart breaking. I feel so lonely especially since I live in New Zealand with out any of my family, as they live in Los Angeles. I don’t have the same support as I would in NZ, so it’s just Max and I here and is incredibly difficult and a very lonely experience for me. It was so nice to read this blog post because I do hope one day I feel the same feeling you experienced at your 21 week ultrasound appointment , I long for that feeling.
I guess for now, I need to focus on myself and my beautiful son and everything else will come together as it should.
Nice to be in touch again xxx

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loved this so so much!!! thank you for sharing!

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