My dating advice for anyone in the dating world right now + back to this… NOT OKAY!

So, we were back to this for my run yesterday morning—>  LONG SLEEVES.

Our mountains got a lot of new snow which I don’t love but I’m just going to say that our summer is now going to be pushed back to July-October;)

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It was a really cold morning.  I should have worn tights but I think the shorts made me finish the 7 miles faster because I wanted to get home as soon as possible and into a hot shower.

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Who knows what happened the rest of the day until the late afternoon but I’m sure it was super exciting;)  I know that I had a bowl of cereal for lunch because we were all over the place but we took my dad out later for an early Father’s Day present to the movies.  It is one of his favorite things to do and he picked to go see Captain Underpants so the kids could come with us:)

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We bring blankets to the movie theater, it’s normal.  I gave the choice to my niece to have any candy that she wanted and she chose SMARTIES?!?!?!

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Brooke insisted on rocking her rudolph socks with her donut shoes…

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Andrew will be at the hospital for school doing shifts so we snuck in our date night together last night to grab some dinner.

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We went to Happy Sumo (I worked their for two years so I know the menu pretty well:).  We started off with their chicken lettuce wraps and ordered a bunch of sushi.  It has been way too long since our last sushi night.

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We came back to my mom’s house to find two artists very hard at work.  Brooke has changed her profession desires from being Elsa to being a teacher and last night she told me she wants to be an artist.

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And then she fell asleep on the way home.

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Just go ahead and skip this part if you’re not in the dating scene and I’ll be back later today or tomorrow morning with much more running talk!

The other day Andrew and I were talking about the dating years that we experienced (aka the time where I didn’t know it was possible to cry the amount of tears I cried without becoming severely dehydrated) and it got me thinking about my five biggest dating tips that I learned during those years.  I thought I would share them with any of you that might be in the dating world right now.  I often get emails from different readers about what I did during my dating years so I thought I would share some things that helped me.

PS a picture from our dating days (literally days;)… this was right after we put money down on a lot to build a house and then the next day we felt sick about it (anxiety from our head to our toes) so we got out of it and figured out a much better option for our family.

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1.  You are the interviewer.  Not the interviewee. (And the person you are out with gets to feel the same way!!)  I remember for so long my thought process went like this—>  “Oh no, I hope I am good enough for them.. I don’t know if I measure up, they will see quickly that I’m really not that cool.”  Um, no.  Something I learned over those years as my confidence increased (aka going from abnormally low to a normal amount) was that I just needed to be myself.  I didn’t have to impress anyone.  I just had to be me and have my EYES AND EARS wide open during the dating process and watch/listen for any red flags or things that weren’t going to work for me.  Rather than constantly thinking/worrying that I was doing something wrong… I needed to be focused on figuring out if the person I was dating worked for what I wanted!  I no longer went into dates feeling nervous that I wouldn’t be good enough and went into them investigating if the person I was dating could fill the position for boyfriend/potential husband/etc.   Andrew fit the description of what I was looking for perfectly.

2.  You will never settle for anything less than what you had that is causing you so much heartache.  I remember break-ups and feeling so incredibly sad and hurt after them thinking I would NEVER FIND ANYONE AMAZING.  I was sure of it.  A friend of mine reminded me that I would never settle for anything less so from there I was only going to GO UP.  She was right.  100% right.  So if so-and-so had x, y & z qualities that I thought were so amazing, it’s not like I’m going to settle for the person I end up marrying to not have those qualities.  I was only going to date someone next that had those amazing qualities plus some more… until I found the person with qualities A-Z that I was looking for.  Struggling after a bad break-up… just remember you aren’t going to go for anything less next time, you will only date/marry people with more and more to offer:)  The past is to be learned from but not lived in, so keep learning and moving forward!

3.  Now there were stages in my earlier years of dating when I wasn’t serious at all about finding a husband and was just wanting to date and meet people and do whatever I wanted.  BUT when I was serious about getting married again (aka dating after my divorce… I wasn’t just looking to hang out, if I was going to go out it was to find someone that I could have a future with) I was very upfront about my thoughts.  I was very clear that I wasn’t interested in just hanging out… if I was going to get a babysitter, skip out on work for the night (aka when I do most of my blogging stuff) and invest energy into something, it was to date.  Not to hang out.  PS I said all of these things in a very kind way but I was also very honest.  I was also very open with a lot of my feelings such as dating one person at a time if things were progressing.  Some took that well/agreed and some did not (never saw them again ha) but it made it easy for me to weed out the people that were off dating everyone else when I was in a place where I wanted to be serious about dating one person at a time:)

4.  Remember it’s okay to be alone.  More than okay.  I think once I finally realized that and was completely okay with that, I found Andrew.  After my divorce I bounced from dating relationship to dating relationship always nervous that I COULD NOT BE ALONE.  It burned me out, big time.  Some time before I met Andrew I called it quits on the dating world.  I was happy with my life with Brooke, with my work, with my family… I didn’t feel the pressure to be with somebody else.  I enjoyed my time alone and spent a lot more time being still by myself.  I got a Facebook message from a friend telling me about a blind date (and once I found Andrew I was like… SIGN ME UP) but leading up to that I just didn’t date for a while.  I’m grateful for that time because I think I grew more then, than the years leading up to that.  I realized that of course I wanted to be with the right person forever but that I wasn’t going to kill myself off trying to date/meet people/be gone all of the time to do so.  When it was supposed to happen, it was going to happen and it did.

5.  TRUST YOUR INTUITIONS.  This one is one that my sister taught me and I held onto it (maybe that is why none of my dating relationships lasted very long at all for those years).  She taught me to listen with every ounce to what my gut was telling me and I did and I’m very grateful I did.  Trust those feelings of yours, don’t put up with mistreatment (EVER).  If something causes you anxiety, uneasiness, uncomfortableness… peace out.  That was my motto.

Also, if you are struggling with different hard things right now in terms of break-up, divorce or loneliness… hopefully these different posts might help you:

*Thank goodness for time.

*Post divorce stuff.

*On being a single mom.

*Running really helped me get through a divorce.

*Why the holidays can be really hard.

*Would I do it all over again or skip over the hard part?

*Running makes us better at life.

*When it isn’t convenient.

*10 things that helped me get through a divorce.

STAY HOPEFUL.  It is always darkest before the dawn… I can PROMISE you that.  The sun always comes up.  Always.  There is so much brightness up ahead.

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I’d love to hear from those running in humid areas how you deal with the humidity!  Maybe you can help other runners that are also trying to get through the humid miles!  I’m always interested to hear what helps… HOW IN THE WORLD DO YOU DO IT!?! Would love to hear any of your dating thoughts/situations etc.  I’m a little too invested in your lives probably and want all of your thoughts, not just about running. Last movie you saw in the theater?  Who has seen Wonder Woman?  I really want to see it! Ever worked in a restaurant? What did you like about it?

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89 comments

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I love the dating advice you gave here! I think a big thing that is hard to wrap your head around (especially when every one else is dating someone) that it’s okay to be alone. You need to date yourself sometimes right?!

https://maureengetsreal.wordpress.com/

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Oh yes. Once I was happy with being alone is when I met My boyfriend. And now 3 years later I’m trying to get back some of my happy to be aloneness. Lol. Seriously though I found over the years I started relying on him too much to dictate how I was feeling. If I didn’t get a phone call or text I’d be snippy. I’m only now getting back to the feelings of completeness whether I say goodnight to him or not.

So no matter what your relationship status is you must always show up and care for yourself and just be happy with you.

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I can’t believe you ran in long sleeves! It was in the 90s here yesterday!

And thank you for this reminder. I’ve been single my entire life (like, literally never been on a real date), and it can be really hard. Pretty much all of my friends are married and have families now, and I often end up becoming the third or fifth or seventh wheel at dinners and outings. I’ve tried a couple of the dating apps, and I hated them. I had my heart shattered to pieces by someone not too long ago, and that’s been difficult to bounce back from completely. I have spent years alone and been fine with it, but it’s been more difficult lately, and it’s not the easiest thing in the world to meet someone and fall in love. I’m trying to remain hopeful that there is someone out there for me, but I may end up being the single girl forever, and I have to be OK with that.

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Wonder Woman was the last movie I saw and it was amazing!!

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It is SUPER humid in Iowa right now. To be honest, I sometimes still struggle with it, but the best thing I have found is to stay hydrated and dress for it – sometimes I feel silly leaving my house in shorts and a tank top when it’s only 60 degrees (not that it’s been that low lately), but that humidity is no joke, and it gets especially rough when the sun comes out! Maybe it’s just because I’ve always lived here, so I just deal with it. I do know when I’ve traveled to the southeast, the humidity there can be even more oppressive, but if you are well-hydrated and don’t try to push yourself too much all the time, you get used to it. Oh, and BodyGlide is a lifesaver, because chafing is the WORST.

Ugh… dating… I am the only single one out of my female friends, and it can be tough. However, I am probably the only one out of my friends who is comfortable being alone, so I can’t say that I am in a hurry… I just do my own thing! I own my own house, I have a great job, great friends and family, and an active social life, so I just figure when the time is right, it will all work out.

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You are amazing Rhiannon! Amazing for running in that, seriously. Thank you for the tips for other runners in the humidity! Dating is SO hard… I am sorry Rhiannon but SO happy that you aren’t in a hurry (I think that is when we make bad decisions.. when we are in a hurry). You are doing so well and have so much going for you and you are 100% right… it will ALL work out!

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Thank you SO much for the dating advice! I really needed to hear it today. For some reason today I woke up feeling more lonely and bummed out about it than usual and to read your words was very comforting. You’re amazing and I appreciate all of your thoughtful and insightful shares :)
Hugs,
Amanda
P.S- I am so happy for you and Andrew, it seems like you two fit perfectly together. I hope to find that some day as well!

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Hey Amanda! I am truly so beyond sorry about how you were feeling this morning! You are NEVER alone. Email me if you ever need to talk and I’ll share how ridiculously hard it was for me to deal with loneliness. Thinking about you:)

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I’ve been single for years, however I always had a profile up on a dating site because I was always wanting to talk to someone or be on a date. Ultimately, I just didn’t want to be lonely. Since February, I’ve really made it a point to not date and just focus on what I like to do, when I want to do it, and just be comfortable alone. It gives me hope to see your post and the comments saying that that is when you’ll meet someone. Any day now! haha. I agree with all you had to say and would give that same advice. It take confidence to trust your gut for sure. I’m glad you found Andrew, you both seem to work well together.

I saw Wonder Woman last and it’s a MUST SEE!!!! I also found out she was 5 months pregnant during some of the reshoot filming. That is insane to think about to me! They cut out her suit in the belly and put a green screen on her stomach to cover it up. NUTS!

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Leanne… I think that you have made a fabulous decision! I was in the same spot as you and it just felt so nice to just rely on myself and focus on me and Brooke. I think maybe that attracted Andrew a little bit… I was happy being me! You are doing fabulous and please keep me updated with how you are doing. Okay, that is CRAZY about her being 5 months pregnant for a few shots… WHAT?! That is so cool!

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Great post Janae! I always find your posts outside of running equally as interesting. I’m not in the dating scene but I do believe the advice is useful for those who are. Running has gotten me through a lot of lonely days, also when my husband is deployed. I’ve made so many friends and relationships that way.

It’s so humid on the east coast! I go as early as I wake up. Anytime after 7:30 is unenjoyable.

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With cystic fibrosis, humidity affects me a lot. I do most of my summer runs really early (5am!) and that helps. For anything over an hour I bring a water bottle with Nuun tablets and 1 or 2 little salt packets. Salt is especially helpful when I run a half marathon. I wear dry fit clothes all the time and a hat only if it is really sunny (a lot of heat is stored under). I also rehydrate with a vega protein shake after a hot run. It makes me feel better for the rest of the day. My 7 years old loved captain underpants and I really want to see wonder woman too!

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Great post Janae! Currently not in the dating scene, but was for a while not long ago and man, it’s rough out there. Great advice.

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the humidity here in NY has kicked in and it takes me some time to adjust for sure! I just run early and realize it takes several runs to get used to this weather. also, I go by effort, not pace. dating after divorce has been a huge eye opener for me! I’ve gotten so much better at it though over the years and really have learned what I want, what I won’t tolerate and what I know is right for me, and for my son. I should really write a book just based on the stories lol

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NYC summers are humid. Light sweat wicking clothes help and so do those cooling towels. I fill 2 small water bottles 3/4 full with electrolyte drinks and freeze them the night before my long run. I top it off before my run. Then I have cold drinks available. Pouring cold water on my wrists helps. I go slower and do speed work on the treadmill.

I want to see Wonder Woman.

I wouldn’t trust myself serving food, someone may end up wearing his dinner.

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This post is so timely!! I was dating my boyfriend for about 1 1/2 – 2 years (there were some on and off periods) and finally just ended it (after lots of ugly breakups and makeups). The relationship was super unhealthy and I’m doing whatever I can to stay busy these days. Even though I realize I deserve better and, it’s hard to let go.

One day at a time, right?

Oh … And running in the heat/humidity is the WORST!

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KC is humid. Ugh. Running for me has to happen at sunrise. I can’t survive any other time of the day. Plus, it’s better on my dog, too. I will hike after work. I don’t mind the humidity so much hiking.

I just realized my divorce was final 5 years ago today. Man, time has really flown by. I dated a lot the first couple of years, but the last two I have really taken time out to just be alone. I think I’m much more comfortable in my own skin and really needed that time to readjust my thinking. I am (almost) ready to start trying to date again. We’ll see…

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The humidity today is horrible. The rain in KC and north of KC (where I live) made the humidity level 100%. Where do you like to hike in KC area? We are north of KC about 50 miles and I’d love to get my kids and husband outdoors.

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Hi Betsy! We are in the ‘burbs SE of KC. I hear there are some great wooded trails around Smithville Lake up north. Also, the trail along the Missouri River in Parkville is nice!

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Humidity is evil! I think it feels less intense if you can run in the shade when it’s humid. Humidity + full sun = awful.

I was a waitress for 4 years in high school/early college. It was great money and good hours but it is tough working in the service industry! I wouldn’t ever want to do it again! Kudos to all those who have and still are working in the service industry!

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YES the $ was awesome (I used to make way more per hour as a waitress than I did as a teacher?!) but the hours/stress adds up big time! I agree with you:) I hope you have plenty of shade for your runs this summer Torrie!

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I’ve been following your blog for years, and I think I speak for everyone when I say I’m so glad you got though those dating troubles and found Andrew!

For your questions… I live in NC and the humidity is already out of control! I prefer to go early morning, but if I have to go in the evening I make sure to drink a LOT of water. I also make new playlists almost daily, so I have something to look forward to! Have you listened to “Hamilton”? It’s my new running music obsession!

Wonder Woman = Amazing! I can’t wait to see it again!

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Christine, that means a whole lot to me… thank you so much! Oh North Carolina… I can’t even imagine and keep rocking those early morning (and sometimes evening) runs! I’m cheering for you! Okay, the Hamilton soundtrack is amazing. Hooked. Good to know about Wonder Woman! I hope your Wednesday is a great one!

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I live south of Houston and it was over 100 degrees yesterday with the heat index so I’m super jealous of your long sleeves. I carry water with me year round, even on short runs. I’m so sweaty by a half mile to a mile in that having water with me is essential. I also just make myself run slower in the summer months. We have such a short winter here and it is always humid all year long (I ran a half marathon at 100% humidity in January) that you have to stay hydrated which means water all day everyday (at least for me). Mainly I just have to make myself get up early and get in my runs before the sun is up otherwise it’s miserable. Oh and light sweat wicking clothes are necessary BUT I love Houston so even though humidity is the worst I’ll stick with it!
I’ve been off the dating scene for about 7 years now but I was a single mom for a while and everything you said is 100% true-great post!

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OVER 100!?!? WOW! I’m glad you carry that water with you all year! I cannot believe 100% humidity in January! What the heck? Come run with me in Utah:) Thank you for your sweet words and for the tips for humidity runners, I hope you are having a beautiful day!

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Ugh, we are very humid right now. And it kills me to run in it, so lately I’ve decided not to. I change over to lots of bike riding. A nice change of pace and great for still working the legs. I did 26 miles in the last 2 days. Last movie we saw in the theater was Beauty & the Beast.

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Ugh Utah! I feel like we are missing a big meme opportunity. I keep hoping to find one that is of the beauty and the beast scene where the dad is telling everyone about the beast and he said “it’s already winter there.” And they reply “but it’s June.” I don’t know if that made sense but oh well haha.

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My best advice for working with humidity is to check your weather app constantly and try as hard as you can to work your running around the weather! If I see it’s going to be 85 by noon with 70% humidity, I wake up super early and run before the heat gets too bad (heat+humidity=the worst). I try to arrange it so I take my longer/harder runs on the days that are coolest and have the least humidity.

These are actually really great dating tips- I’m in the dating phase now and it’s so hard. I feel like all my family and friends are waiting on the edge of their seat for me to find someone, which is SO MUCH PRESSURE. It’s been really important for me to remind myself over and over that my comfort and my instincts are more important than being able to tell my third cousin that I’m in a relationship (..with someone who is not right for me) at the next family barbecue:) I naturally put others first, and want to make my family and friends happy, but I’ve realized that relationships are not something you should get into for anyone else but yourself.

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Good call on working your running around the humidity %!!! Seriously, that has got to be so hard. Oh the dating phase… yep, the pressure is UNREAL and I am so sorry you have to go through that. I could not agree more, I remember feeling all of the pressure from being online that I should be with someone… NOPE, comfort and your instincts come first! You are doing amazing and keep me updated with how you are doing Kerri!

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Although I am not in the dating world anymore, I have to tell you that your blog and posts and honesty really helped me get through a super difficult breakup from a long-term relationship a few years ago. You had such kind words and really made me feel not alone when I was going through a really hard time. And you’re right – as soon as I said “I am good on my own,” my now fiance stepped into my life! Patience really does pay off.

And on a totally different note, not sure if you have Red Robin where you live, but it’s a burger place and their mascot is obviously a robin…..I was the robin in high school haha. I stood out on the road with a “buddy” and waved at people while I was in the costume. That was something.

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YOU WERE THE ROBIN… that is awesome Allison!!! Thanks for sharing that, I’ll always think of you when I see a Red Robing Robin out:) Oh I am so happy I was able to help a bit. Breakups are the WORST. I am so happy about your now fiance and the amazing things going on for you now!

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There is no sweating like that from running in humidity. Yuck! I really dislike humidity, but my absolute least favorite condition is WIND. Bleh.

I don’t technically bring a blanket to the movies… but I do bring my yinyasa scarf (lululemon, it’s awesome) and use it as a blanket. BTW, Wonder Woman was amazing! You definitely need to go!

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Good to know! THANK YOU BLAKE!!! Good call on the scarf! Oh I can’t even imagine the sweat that comes with humidity running! Enjoy your Wednesday!

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The humidity during MN summers can be awful! I have to keep reminding myself it takes time to get acclimated to the heat and humidity! Definitely make sure you’re hydrated, invest in a lot of body glide, and try to get out and run as early as possible to avoid extra heat and sun later in the day!

Last movie I saw was Moana! I really want to see Wonder Woman too!!

I used to work at a Houlihans. It was a love hate relationship. I loved the variety of working in a restaurant. No two days were the same.

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Oh I bet body glide helps a ton in the humidity! YES, it takes time to acclimate. Just think you are amazing for running through those summers where you are! YES, the variety of working in a restaurant is amazing… my hardest part was always working when everyone else wasn’t working (like weekends, nights and holidays)! I hope you have a great day Kori!

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The last movie I saw in the theater was Wonder Woman. Loved it!

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Good to know Lynn… thank you:) I think we are going to go see it for our next date night! I hope you are having a wonderful day!

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Although I’m not dating anymore, I still have many friends who are in this tight spot. And it’s true, once you’re okay with being on your own, you’re more likely to attract that people that will make a good companion for you! And being single is just as full of a life whether or not you’re paired off :-)

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This post hit close to home with me. I just got out of a 3 year relationship with a manipulator that constantly lied and cheated on me and everything was always always always my fault. If he cheated it was because “I wasnt nice to him or said something that made him mad., if he lied its because he loved me and didnt wanna hurt me. You name it. The last 3 years were hell but I still find myself missing him. What the heck of all hecks is my problem. Its been two months since I kicked him out.. but its soo hard. I have tried dating and it almost makes me more depressed when I dont connect with someone.. So gosh!! Thank you for this today. It really helped!! xoxo

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Oh Mandi, I am so beyond sorry about everything you have been through and what you are still going through. You were in an incredibly abusive relationship and that is normal to still miss that person but you deserve SO MUCH BETTER. Take the time to grieve and process and take care of yourself. One of my biggest dating mistakes was dating so soon after my divorce… I was not ready and should have taken the time to grieve properly (because I ended up hitting the grieving process hard later). Something I realized over the years was I would MUCH RATHER BE ALONE than to ever be with the wrong person again. Things will improve, there is so much brightness ahead for you and if you ever need to talk… I’m here!

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Thank you! I really appreciate it! I am learning that now that I am no where near wanting to date.. I can relate to you in so many ways.. im a PE and health teacher and in ollege I too had an eating disorder so as you can imagine, my self confidence is at a 0!!! I mean after being cheated on so many times i constantly compare myself to the girls.. ugh!!! Im just trying to take it day by day, hour by hour and doing my best focus on being busy! Which isnt hard in the summer when summer school is only 5 hours long and Im off a lot more… booo! Thanks for the quick reply! U are a sweetheart!

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WOW, we really do have SO much in common… so much! Yes, one day/hour at a time and with time you will get stronger and stronger. You will NEVER be in that situation again (I’m not letting you;)!!! You deserve so much more Mandi!

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GO SEE WONDER WOMAN! When Brooke is a little older, take her. It’s the movie 6 year old me wished for (and also 22 year old me.)

I was friends with my boyfriend for a year, where I was dating someone else, before we started going out. He’s an amazing person and I definitely agree that you just keep getting more good qualities until you get them all.

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Thanks for the dating tips…sometimes I need a reminder that there are brighter days ahead. I’ve lived on my own for 5 years, been completely single for 3 since my college bf and I broke up for good, and some days it seems like I’ll find that happy/giddy/carefree side of myself again. It’s easy to play the comparison game with all of my friends who are engaged/married/with kids, but I have to just practice some self love, stop wishing my life away, and focus on being a better me now. Your story with Andrew inspires me and gives me that smidge of hope that I may randomly meet my guy when I stop focusing on the negatives of single life :)

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Hey Danielle, thank you so much for sharing your story with me! Keep practicing that self-love, you are doing amazing! There is so much brightness up ahead and I look at those single years and the growth that occurred then and I’m so grateful now (even if that meant I cried way too much during those years;) You’ve got this. God’s plan is perfect… it’s just usually a lot different than the plan we make for ourselves!

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I used to live in St Louis and I remember running cross country in high school at 3PM… hottest part of the day and it gets HUMID there! I honestly am not sure how I did it… I know that our coach would have water bottles for us during

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whoops my comment got cut off… anyways, our coach would bring water bottles for us during half way points on longer runs. Now i live in Denver, so I’m very spoiled… Similar to SLC, we have very low humidity typically, so I try to run in the morning or in the evening. Every now and then i’ll travel to kansas or Austin and to be honest, the best thing is to wear a headband, or even better a sweat band (they really do work) and lightweight tanks and shorts. And when you are done stand in front of a fan or air conditioner.

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Thank you so much for the bits on dating at the end– it was encouraging and exactly what I needed to read right now!

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You are so welcome Liz! Let me know if you need anything and I hope the rest of your day is amazing!

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If I want to survive the humidity in my region, I need to get up early and at least beat the heat! Running in high temps and high humidity is so hard! Another thing that helps is staying super hydrated, not only during runs, but throughout the day as well!

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THANK YOU FOR THIS POST!

First to start with the question about how to run in humidity, simply put I just don’t. My sinuses and allergies are really bad and Florida humidity is also really bad. The last time I ran outside this month with all this humidity I felt so out of breath and my sinuses hated me!! It really really stinks not being able to run outside during these summer months since I live right by the ocean and I envy people who can! When I see people running outside in Florida right now at like 2pm I really applaud them. That would be SO HARD.

Also, I really appreciate you writing about how you used to feel like you were not good enough in a relationship. I constantly have to remind myself of this. My boyfriend loves me for who I am but sometimes my self-esteem tells me that he’s TOO good for me. That I don’t deserve such a perfect boyfriend! But I’ve come to realize that I just need to be thankful that God gave me him :)

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I cannot even imagine dealing with sinuses + allergies + Florida humidity. I can’t even imagine running at 2 pm there… wow!
Kiara, I STILL do that too at times with Andrew! You are not alone but those thoughts are not true and we need to realize our worth and you are so right… be grateful to God for these amazing men! I hope you are having a beautiful day!

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Thank you Janae. I really needed to hear this today❤️

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You are so welcome Mary and please let me know if you ever need to talk (I’m just an email away)!!!

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That’s so great that your Dad is going to the movies… he is getting back to normal now? (sorry, I haven’t caught up with your blog lately!) Hope everyone is doing well!

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Hey Lisa!!! He really is doing so much better now! We can’t find any side effects from the fall anymore:) Thank you, I hope you are having an amazing day!

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Hammer Nutrition Endurolytes are my go to for running in the humid Hawaiian heat. They have capsules (regular and extreme) and Endurolyte Fizz that goes in my water bottle. Anything over 3 miles, I carry my own water. Expect your pace to be a little slower at first, but just like any other weather condition, your body will adjust. There are FAST runners in Hawaii!

I haven’t been in the dating scene for more than 25 years, but I remember reaching a point where I stopped listening when people said, “You’re just too picky.” No. You can never be too picky when you’re looking for a lifetime commitment with someone. Sure there are compromises, but there are also things that just aren’t okay. I met Les when we were both 25 and I’m so glad I didn’t settle!

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I totally agree with you on trusting your intuition. While a guy and I were writing each other back and forth I got a feeling. I decided to ignore it and still meet up with him (I was safe about it though, we went to a super busy coffee shop), and once we met I knew it wasn’t going to work. I learned my lesson and from then on I listened to my gut.

Thankfully I’ve been dating my awesome boyfriend for the last three years.

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I’m a longtime reader and your kind words helped me through a lot of sad/lonely times after my divorce when I thought I’d be alone forever. You assured me it would happen one day and after 5 years it finally has. I’m with an amazing guy that shares the same interests as me and treats me so well and I’m loving having someone to share life moments with.

So happy for you and your new blended family and thanks for speaking on these topics in a way that makes people feel hopeful that it can happen to them too. :-)

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Oh Mary, I am so glad that things have gotten so much better for you! It gave me goosebumps to hear about your new man… keep enjoying every second! Thank you for taking the time to comment… It means a lot to me!

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As far as running in humidity you just have to do it……..wear as little clothing as possible, carry water with you, find shade when possible, and wear a bandana around your wrist to wipe away sweat. I have 6-8 miles today and it is 90 and humid…….yikes! And we saw pirates last in theatres and loved it!!!!!

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These two quotes are my favorite when it comes to dating and relationships:

“He’s not perfect. You aren’t either, and the two of you will never be perfect. But if he can make you laugh at least once, causes you to think twice, and if he admits to being human and making mistakes, hold onto him and give him the most you can. He isn’t going to quote poetry, he’s not thinking about you every moment, but he will give you a part of him that he knows you could break. Don’t hurt him, don’t change him, and don’t expect for more than he can give. Don’t analyze. Smile when he makes you happy, yell when he makes you mad, and miss him when he’s not there. Love hard when there is love to be had. Because perfect guys don’t exist, but there’s always one guy that is perfect for you.” ― Bob Marley

“What worries me is, what if this guy is really the one for me and I just haven’t had enough therapy yet for me to be comfortable with having found him.” ― Carrie Fisher

I love the first one because it reminds me that life isn’t the movies. And it isn’t social media. There are ups and downs and things aren’t perfect. So stop analyzing everything and just be in the moment, communicate, and love!

The second one I love because I got burned pretty hard by one of my relationships and so I had a really hard time finally letting someone back in. And so it just reminds me that you have to be happy with you and who you are and love yourself, before you can really let someone in to love you back.

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I LOVED Wonder Woman and now want that outfit! Girl power!
I’m in AZ and dying from the heat so all running is treadmill running for now. :(
Have a great day!

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Another Houston runner here! I agree with all these tips but wanted to add one I haven’t seen mentioned.

Take a salt pill before you leave for your run. (I use Salt Stick, but there are many options.) It has made a world of difference on my long runs in the humidity. There is no escaping it. I can usually ring out my shirt while I run – and A LOT of water comes out! Run as early as you can in the morning. The evenings are the worst here, it just doesn’t cool down. I also pull all my hair up into a bun so it doesn’t touch me AT ALL. I have found a refrigerated water fountain on one of my routes. It is amazing how awesome cold water can feel to drink, wipe your face and neck with. Also, most gas stations will let you grab a cup of ice for free. Pour that ice into your sports bra and hold a cube in each hand. That helps tremendously.

I ran that 100% humidity marathon here in January that another reader mentioned. That was a tough one!!

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I totally know what you mean about being comfortable being alone before you can find the right person. I was not looking for a relationship before I met my boyfriend and I was happy with my life and with myself, which created the perfect conditions for when we did (very randomly) meet. It’s been almost two years and I couldn’t be happier!

Indiana is usually pretty humid, but I’ve been in Florida for the past week and it has taken humidity to a whole new level! I ran a 5K yesterday morning which was mercifully scheduled for 6:30 a.m., but it was still super muggy! So, so sweaty! I tend to run on a treadmill in the summer, but I’m making a point to get up earlier and get outside while I’m half marathon training this summer. It’s only going to make me stronger when I finally toe the line in September. I figure the more I do it, the more I’ll get used to it!

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Hi Janae! This was a beautiful post.

Humidity in Florida is something crazy right now. My best tip for runners is to: 1. Train in the early morning or after sunset. 2. Double up their hydration routine. This is what helps me during summer in Florida.

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Living in Central Florida, running in humidity is just normal for me. That being said, it still sucks in a major way and especially sucks when I have to run with the stroller. The biggest tip from me is to get up as early as possible before the sun comes up and do your run then. It will still be humid, but at least you won’t have the sun beating down on you! I usually run around 5:30 in the morning or so, doing loops in my neighborhood, and this is when I do my speed/tempo work. Then I save my long runs for the weekend and typically have to do these with the stroller (my husband is a police officer and works constantly). My best advice for these runs is still to leave as early as possible, wear a hat, freeze the water in your water bottle and bring a lot so you can squirt some on yourself, and don’t put pressure on yourself to run fast because you won’t be able to. Oh and hydrate like CRAZY the day before and morning of so you don’t get any heat-related injuries.

We’re moving to Rhode Island in a month, so I’ll be trading you for some cold weather tips here in just a few months. But I’m SO excited for some fall running!

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Yes, as a long-time reader–it’s been SO nice to see you SO happy! Andrew must just be a good name, because that’s my husband’s name also. I live in Greenville, SC and have been swapping outdoor runs for shorter indoor runs and weightlifting because I really can’t handle the heat down here unless I’m by the pool or ocean!

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Humid running – hello Illinois! Haha! It got super humid here this week after a very cold sprint. I hate running in the humidity (I will take 90 degrees and not humid over 75 and humid any day!) But my bit of advice would be to drink water all day long! I got myself a few cups/water bottles that I take to work and keep around the house. I also recently got a Britta 18 cup dispenser for my fridge which I LOVE and has helped me drink more water at home! My sister had one and encouraged me to buy it, so kudos to sisters!! Also, my other advice is to bring a water bottle on the runs with you, just a little extra boost to keep going. And of course a cool treat when you get done (frozen fun size snicker bar for me)

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I’m with Emily up here ^ in Illinois! It is DISGUSTING out but thankfully, a storm is coming my way so hopefully that cools things down!

I am sooo glad I am not in the dating scene! But I totally agree that being content with being alone + confidence = KEYS! Really, those two things are so important even just for day-to-day life.

Last movie I saw: GUARDIANS OF THE GALAXY 2! Loved it. I think I’m renting Beauty & the Beast tonight though ;)

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Kids LOVE smarties!! It’s so funny. I’m a teacher and we passed them out as incentives all the time this last year and my kiddos always got excited.

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Thank you for this well-timed post! The “you’re the interviewer” point really resonates with me– such good advice! Have a great rest of your week, Janae!

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Great advice on dating….I hope to never have to use it.
To get through humidity, I drink abnormally large amounts of water the day before, go out as early as possible, run shady routes, and follow up with more abnormally amounts if water and watermelon. Sometimes thinking abut that bowl of watermelon is what gets me through.

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Fab dating advice Janae! Thanks for sharing. I’m juuuuust warming up to the idea of dating post-my marriage falling apart, and these were great reminders.

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Cait! I am truly so so sorry about what you are going through Cait. Things will continue to get better and I hope the absolute best for you! Thinking about you!

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I believe that the universe takes care of us really well, and often presents things to comfort us when we need it, we just have to pay attention to the signs. This post and the others you linked to are very timely for me. I left my wife (a 15 year relationship) one month ago tomorrow. She was emotionally abusive to me and I see that more than ever now that I’m out. We’ve filed for divorce and I expect it to be a rough process, so much so that I’m ignoring all contact from her and not telling her where I am staying. I can’t stand that I’m not in control of when this is over but you give me hope that one day it will be and I will be better than ever!

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Nora, I am so beyond sorry about what you are going through right now and the abuse you have experienced over the years. That completely breaks my heart. You will be in my thoughts and please let me know how you are doing and let me know if you ever need to talk!

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To get used to humidity, run often. Run early in the morning and hydrate well afterwards.

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You’re the best! Seriously- I look forward to reading your blog everyday! And…I needed that dating advice encouragement. Post divorce is lonely and I do feel like I’ll never meet anyone. And, I’m killing myself going on date after date. I needed to hear your advice today! :) Thank you!

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I am so so sorry about your divorce Angie, if you ever need to talk/email I’m here. There is SO much brightness up ahead, you’ve got this!

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Your niece looks SOOO much like Brooke in the picture of her and the smarties candy.

Totally agree with all of your dating tips! Now, my boyfriend and I are pretty settled and head over heels in love (still in shock that he loves me AH), but I totally resonate with these tips. Once I gave up trying to be good enough and decided to just be me, things became so much smoother.

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You should probably write a post-divorce novel :) <3 love all your thoughts on that topic! I want you to know how helpful these posts are for me! <3 So THANK you for sharing!

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Love your dating advice :) It’s all so true! I’m the opposite of your experience, where instead of always dating I’m almost always alone. So I know I’m really good at being alone and I’m comfortable there (don’t get me wrong I still get lonely and do still want to find someone haha). But sometimes that scares me, that maybe I won’t be able/willing to open up and let someone in. I just hope and pray when the right time comes I’ll be brave enough to do what I need to do to be with the right person. Until then, keep trusting my gut, saying lots of prayers and read all the Brene Brown so I can work on vulnerability ;)

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I wouldn’t choose Smarties either- caramel m&ms all the way!! I totally agree that when I was content with myself, not chasing after a relationship, that’s when I grew the most. And that’s when I met my husband! We were on the same page :) Great advice!

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oh man did I ever need this! I’m so content alone… I have an amazing house that I own on my own, a fabulous career & the best furry sidekick. would I love some company from time to time? absolutely. but it’s not the right time. your first point is something I will definitely take with me forever. I AM ENOUGH–the question is are they?!

<3

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Excellent advise on dating!! As a 2x divorced woman in my 40’s, it has often felt like I’m fishing on the island of Misfit Toys, having to settle for the least broken thing out there–in other words, settling for an imperfect fit, and feeling like I won’t possibly find someone who meets all my needs. But of the tens of thousands out there, there only needs to be one who fits me. I have refused a second date with dozens of men, just because they cause this weird anxiety/uneasiness in my stomach–you HAVE to trust your gut feeling. And it’s totally ok to be alone. Learn to love being in your own company.

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appreciate those reminders. dating is something I’ve never done (long relationship to the next) & I’m currently figuring it all out. later in life than I’d like :) but learning that where I am right now is where I’m supposed to be right now.

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I love your dating tips! The one about being up front with taking it seriously was validating for me. I’m 33 and I have a full life, but I seem to continually meet guys who are in their 30s and 40s who just want to “hang out.” I’m sure that works for some people because that’s where they’re at in life, but that’s not me. I went back to grad school for a degree while working full time, bought a house, and traveled the world- there’s nothing casual about how I live life (except for PJs as soon as I come home from work).
I’ve found that it’s other people in my life that are uncomfortable with my singleness. There’s a lot of assumption that I feel awkward (I don’t) or am secretly gay (I’m not, but good to know they’d still love me). I’ve had a few friendships fade away because everyone in the group is coupled up and will do dinner parties or weekends away all together without me and seeing the pictures show up on social media hurts. I’ve tried telling them that I don’t feel weird at all being the only single one in a group setting, but it’s like the more I say I’m fine the more it sounds like I’m not fine to them.
Until I find the Andrew to my Janae, I’m just going to enjoy making all household and financial decisions unilaterally (although the dog does get a say in toy purchases) and sleeping like a starfish in my bed.

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loved this post and really needed it today. truly, i love all the running posts–so motivational and just GREAT!- but these ‘real life’ posts are just as good. you have a variety of readers :)
I’ve been feeling really alone lately, like i’m going to be single forever. for the most part, it doesn’t bother me at all. I’ve been single for years and am really comfortable w/ my life, but some days, i would just love to meet someone and date and finally find a forever. all in good time i guess. anyways, this was a refreshing read and much needed, so thanks!
ps–dying to see wonder woman!

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