I’ve kept you in the loop with my divorce stuff on the blog over the years so I thought I would give you an update on where I’m at so feel free to scroll through this first part if you are here for running, pics of Brooke and food.

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This last weekend was the first time I saw my ex in over a year.  Whenever he comes to Utah to visit he just gets Brooke from my mom and the last few times I have taken Brooke to California I did the drop-off/pick-up with his mom.  There have also been a few months that didn’t work out for visits over the last year which also meant it had been FOREVER since I did the drop-off/pick-up with him.  PS whenever I see his mom we hug and talk and have a great relationship for the circumstance.  We were always very close when I was married and I’m grateful that I still see her a few times a year.

Back to seeing my ex.  Once upon a time right after filing for divorce my sister told me that at some point down the road, I wouldn’t feel anymore.  She said that it will feel like that marriage with him was a completely different life.  My sister went through a divorce just a few years before me and I’m so beyond grateful for her amazing example during her divorce.  She just gets life and always stuck to taking the high road and doing what was best for her kids.  Okay, back to what she was telling me about my marriage/ex feeling like a distant memory that doesn’t produce any emotions anymore.  She comforted me over and over again that with time, the feelings would disappear and that the brightness of life up ahead would almost be too good to believe.   I literally did not believe her one bit when she first told me that at some point I wouldn’t hurt when I saw him or really even ever think of that time together.  I couldn’t believe this idea because at the time it was an all-consuming situation and so raw that the mention of his name hurt every part of me, let alone actually seeing him.  And then there were a few times that I would see him shortly after the divorce process started and even though it was just for a minute or two (we were nothing but nice to each other) it took me the rest of the day (ehhhh week sometimes….) to feel good again after that.  It just hurt.  Anger, sadness, loneliness, missing being married, frustration, longing to have a family unit again—>  you name the emotion, my heart felt it.

Time kept moving forward and I was able to process more and more and feel more and more for different people that I was dating and then over the last year I never really even saw my ex-husband until this last weekend.  I really didn’t know how I was going to feel when I saw him because it had been such a long time.  More than anything though, I was nervous about how Brooke was going to do and handle saying goodbye to him and going home with me (luckily, she feels super secure with both of us at this point and gave him a huge hug, kiss and then ran back over to me).

And for the 4,593,294th time, my sister was right and I was wrong.  I’m very glad she was right on this one.

I legitimately felt nothing.   I didn’t feel an ounce of sadness over him (I did saying goodbye to Brooke but that will always be a thing).   I just felt like I was talking to anyone.  Just another human.  There was no emotion.  It was weird because I almost braced myself on the drive there to drop her off to feel sad (and to go buy a donut) afterwards but after I dropped her off I was completely fine.  I remember less and less from that time of life and any emotional ties I had in the past have disappeared.

Oh, and to the woman next to me on the plane to NYC just a few months after I filed for divorce, you were right too.  I told her my life story (I need to stop doing this at some point;) and she had been divorced too and since then remarried.  She told me it would take me about 1/2 the time that we were together to truly get over the entire situation and yep, it was about that amount of time for me too.  I have no idea what the time frame is like for other people but she somehow knew how long it would take me.   It just takes time, especially when you pour your entire heart into somebody, to get over it and to feel nothing.

I like feeling nothing when it comes to this:)

So, if you are in the thick of things with hurt, loneliness, abandonment, sadness, anger, whatever after a split with somebody… listen to my sister because she is always right.  It will eventually feel like it was all a dream or a distant memory that you never really think about.  It gets so much better.

Okay, a few more pictures from this weekend! (credit)

Janae bridge 1 1 of 1

Janae ledge 1 1 of 1

And 6 things from yesterday:

*I decided to try out some tempo miles yesterday because my leg was feeling so much better.  It went well which got me excited for my race coming up.

2 miles w/up,  5 miles (6:53, 6:48, 6:44, 6:37, 6:31) and 3 miles c/d

I have definitely lost some of my speed fitness because I was huffing and puffing and really working for those splits but progression is not linear… there are ups and downs along the way to our goals.

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*Had this waiting for me to heat up to eat right after I finished my run.

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*Brooke had a playdate (matching coats!!) and I got to catch up with my good friend of 16 years!

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*We had to run to the mall real quick and when we walked by Pretzelmaker they were giving out FREE pretzels for National Pretzel Day.  We get quite excited over free food.

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*Puddle jumping like a champ.

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*I didn’t have any change with me so Brooke asked to try the machine with my credit card… surprisingly it didn’t work.

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What got you through tough breakups in the past?  

Divorced peeps… what was your experience with this whole thing?

When you do a tempo run… how long do you usually go for?

Meal prep—>  I want to be better about this and would love to hear if you do this.  It was just so nice to have my food ready for me to grab and eat when I got home from my run and would love ideas of things you do each week! 

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78 comments

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Glad to hear you’re in a much better place emotionally with your ex.

I’m not that great at meal prep, but we often make double what we need when we cook dinner so it lasts two nights. Cooking ever other day is much easier than every day!

So jealous of that free pretzel!

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That’s very similar to how it was for me when I went through an unexpected, but very difficult, breakup. It was nothing like a marriage ending, but I just couldn’t imagine my life without him or without his family. But now looking back, it’s like that wasn’t even my life or my feelings. And I am lucky to still be close to his family, but I don’t see or talk to them nearly as often anymore either (which is normal, I think). I’m so glad you’ve hit that point in your relationship with him, it definitely helps to make things easier and good for both of you for always taking the high road!

I haven’t run in a week. Life has been busy and I’m about to go crazy! I can’t wait to get back out there!

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Wow, I can’t even begin to imagine what life has been like for you these past few years, but I’m so happy that things are going better for you and that you’re open to sharing your story with us. It’s probably why you’re one of my favorite bloggers. I love getting to know you and little Brooke and see life from your perspective.

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Time is an amazing thing and I know exactly what you mean about feeling like the past was a separate life. It must have been an incredible relief to just feel nothing and a huge marker for how much growth has happened! On the flip side it makes me sad to think there will be a time where the present feels like a previous life – I love having my kids little and at home!

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Michele – I Sooo know the sadness of what it feel like when having little kids at home feels like a “previous life”! I had 3 children within 4 1/2 yrs, so they were all close together and we did EVERYTHING together. They were my world and the source of my happiness. I know I did not do enough things for “just myself” when they were young, but I never felt like I really wanted to. When they all went off to college and then got married and had lives of their own, I felt so lost. It has been 5 years since my youngest left home, and I finally can say that I have started to be comfortable (not really enjoy) the “empty nest”. Those years go by so very fast! Enjoy EVERY second!

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It took me a pretty long time to get over my first heartbreak. Honestly, I didn’t think I was ever going to not feel the hurt, but your sister was definitely right. Eventually you just somehow move on, and it really was like everything that happened was a completely different life. It’s weird–but I guess in a good way.

I usually tempo four miles or so, or sometimes I’ll do a 3×2, 2×3 or 2×2. I love and hate tempos at the same time. :)

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I really believe time heals all wounds. We gain perspective, the feelings dull, we have new experiences that replace the old ones… life goes on! Having a blog is so nice because you can look back and see all of the amazing experiences you’ve had since then (like the traveling and racing experiences!)

That is SO FUNNY that Brooke thought to try your credit card on the candy machine!!! Haha!

Way to go on your tempo, speedy! :D

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How did I miss national pretzel day? Well Sunday I will have one for breakfast. It’s my pre race fuel always!
I am not divorced. I’m widowed. I would do anything to see him again. But I did have some breakups with long term boyfriends after that. I think running and doing things that were 100 percent self fulfilling helped me most. I would spend my time alone but enjoying doing things I loved. Ironically just when I felt so comfortable being single I met my now boyfriend. Two years later and I am ridiculously happy. with every horrible time in our life we have amazing ones that crush those out. Just gotta appreciate both.

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Thanks for sharing your experience. We never know what’s ahead of us and it’s good to know that we are all strong enough to face things that we never thought we could. My tempo runs during this half marathon training program are once a week (around 10ks) and a little faster than what I have done in similar circumstances in the past. I don’t like it (never have, never will haha) but it is doing the job! Mium Pretzels!

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Time is amazing for healing and I am so glad to hear how well you’re doing.
I love tempo runs and do anywhere from 4-6 miles straight, depending on where I am in training. Or I’ll do 2 x 2 early in training and work up to 2 x 4 before a race.

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I’ve never been divorced, but there has absolutely been severe betrayal in my marriage. I’ve been amazed how I can heal independently of the situation and feel peace regardless of whether the situation has changed or not. I am in awe at how the atonement truly takes the sting out of pain in ways that if I hadn’t experienced I don’t know that I could believe. It’s amazing how we can find joy again and again after pain. What an incredibly resilient thing our hearts are!

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I love how honest you are about every situation life throws at you, so I just wanted to say thanks.

as far as tempo miles are concerned, it varies from time to time. It all kind of happens based on how I’m feeling when I’m doing them haha, but I like to do a significant part of my run at tempo pace which can be up to 8-9 miles.

for meal prep, I don’t prep exact meals, but I prep bases of meals. Like a lot of turkey and then for dinner have either a turkey taco salad, turkey and spaghetti squash, turkey lettuce wraps. doesn’t matter, but then I can fit it with what I’m craving and it’s nice to have the bulk of the meal already cooked haha

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Thank you for sharing something so personal! I can understand since I never thought I would move on from my divorce. It’s amazing to look back and feel as though it was someone else’s life or even, to remember how hard and sad it was and to not feel those feelings anymore. If anything, I usually feel for the girl I was who was so upset rather than actually remembering how bad it felt. If that makes sense.

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Free pretzels??? Best day ever!!

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Thank you for sharing your story! I’ve never gone through a breakup to that extent but usually lots of running, wine nights with the girlfriends, and weekend getaways help the process.

By the way … I totally tend to tell strangers on the plane my life story too so not weird at all :)

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hahaha what is it about the airplane that makes us just open up to everyone haha!?!

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I am so glad that you have been able to find peace and that you have been willing to open up and share with your readers. Keep sharing your story!

Love your post-run meal prep. There is nothing better than a big ole sweet potato waiting for you at home!

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I’ve been meal prepping for myself and the hubs the last 4 months or so. I cook an insanely large meal on Sunday :) We typically have family over and I will always take out an extra bag of chicken and cook an extra tray of veggies = lunch for the rest of the week :) I always have canned chicken and lettuce on hand if we want to change it up a bit and not get too bored.

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It took my parents a while to get over the pain of their exes (even when they remarried ) but my mom always tells me that it gets better with time and a lot of effort/therapy/talking it out/outlets.

After I got out of an emotionally abusive relationship, I took to really bad habits to get through it–>fast forward to finding running again and I found a healthy outlet to pour out all the anger, hurt, and sadness (I had to learn that even if the other person is abusive, that doesn’t mean you won’t feel sad/want them back BUT that doesn’t mean you should go back. Hard lesson!) and find all the good emotions God intended me to feel ->love, gratitude, peace.

Tempos are usually 6-12 miles, depending on how much time I have/the snap in my legs/what sights I want to see.

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I agree that time heals and eventually frees us from those tethering feelings of anger, hurt, betrayal, sadness, etc. BUT I think it is SO important to acknowledge and express those feelings as they are happening (by journaling, talking to friends/family/random people on a flight to NYC:) during that time if you truly want to be able to let them go. In our society, it is so common for people (especially men) to be ashamed of these feelings and try to suppress them, but then they just live inside of you, trapped with nowhere to go.

You set a great example for reflecting and expressing your feelings. I am so happy that you are finally free! :)

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I wish I would have known it was free pretzel day. You get lucky happening upon things like that.

Meal prep… Some days I’m really good at it, and some days I’m really bad. On the days that I’m bad, we usually have pasta or grilled cheese sandwiches. On the days that I’m good, I thaw my meat out early in the day so that I can start marinating it or get it ready to bake by early afternoon. Then I start cooking around 5 because we eat pretty early (it seems)

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Thank you for sharing your story and being so honest. I am glad you are in a good place with your ex and have moved on. I am a firm believer it what is meant to be will happen.

I meal prep every once in a while and am so glad when I do. I do pack my lunches for the next day while I am making dinner at night which makes my mornings run very smoothly.

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Thank you for sharing all of this! I feel like it’s such a cliche phrase but it is so true that time can heal a lot of things.

Recently I’ve been trying to plan my weekly meals so that way I can have leftovers and use it for the next meal. Veggies, crockpot chicken, shrimp, etc!

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OMG girl. Love me some meal prep. I do it every week & it’s pretty much the only thing that saves me from eating out all the time, or eating chips & guac for dinner every night.

Big pots of soup & chili work wonders for me during cooler months. During warmer months I make some chicken or pork in the crockpot every few days. Usually cook it with hot sauce or BBQ sauce & then it tastes good with anything. On a salad, on a sweet potato, on top of pasta with some sauce. Or just on a bun.

I’ve learned with meal prep that a lot of it has to do with personal preferances. I don’t mind a cold breakfast…usually a greek yogurt parfait, or overnight oats, but I’ve made breakfast sandwiches in the microwave at work before. An egg cooks really well in your coffee mug in the microwave while your english muffin is toasting in the toaster. Or I’ll make a lot in advance & heat them up at work.

I like to mix up the same thing for a week. So, I’ll make chicken. Then use it for chicken parm, chicken tacos, chicken salad, plain ol’ chicken & veggies & then maybe the rest goes into chicken & gravy over rice with lots of broccoli. Or a savory twice baked sweet potato.

^Longest comment ever.

P.S. Jealous about the pretzel. And FOR FREE!? Soft pretzels are my favorite food group.

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Hi Janae, you are so right!! I was on the same boat after my divorce and I didnt believe any one when they were telling me the same thing! and they were right!!
As for food prep I do it as much as i can and the weeks that I do it makes a huge difference!!!

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janae- i’m going through the early stages of the divorce process and wow, this is what i needed to read. i had a panic attack last night from loneliness, uncertainty for my future, regret, just everything. thanks for posting this. i can already feel myself having a better day!

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Heather, I am truly so sorry for what you are going through. I understand those feelings so well and I wish I could take this all away from you… it is the absolute worst. You’ll be in my thoughts and prayers and I’m here if you need an email pen-pal.

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Heather, it gets better! I had panic attacks at the beginning stages of my divorce as well. Seeing a (good) therapist really helped me with that. After a year it will be so so much better! Even three years later though my friends still feel the need to tell me exes whereabouts etc and I always shut them down bc I do not need to hear it and it bring back the hurt. Also, helpful and funny books: Nora Ephron Heartburn and Tracy Shorn The Chump Lady Survival Guide (only thing that had me laughing at this point in my life) Hang in there!

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I know this comment was long ago but THANK YOU. I needed to hear this today, and especially read these books. Ones that will actually make me laugh about divorce, not cry and worry. :(

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Hang in there Heather….I am in your position. I have to say I am slowly getting better. It is hard because I see my ex all the time so it is hard to move on. But the pain is getting less and less. The pain of divorce is something so hard to describe. I almost feel like I have PTSD from after those first 6 months. Please don’t ever minimize what you are feeling or question your timeline on healing. I would do that alot, like what is wrong with me that I am not over this already. We can do hard things.

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Janae,

I’m incredibly proud of you. You’ve been so open about everything and I can’t imagine having to everything you do. I’m glad you don’t feel pain and hurt now. No one deserves that.

I like to do 6-8 tempo miles. I find that’s the perfect sweet spot for me.

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I love that you’re so candid. You don’t have to be, but by sharing your experiences you inspire others. I hope you know that. I’ve never been through a divorce, but can imagine the pain from some long term relationships that have ended. My advice would be to be cautious that life changes in the other person (them getting married again, them having kids, etc) can trigger emotion, even after you’ve reached that “nothing” phase. You’re so strong, though, that you’ll get through it again.
That pretzel looks amazing. Soft pretzels are my favorite food.
I like to make diners that I know can turn into leftovers when I’m working nights and my husband is home alone, or when I’m packing his lunch for the next day. It just makes things easier.

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Two years ago I went through a horrible breakup. Found out he had been cheating on me for three years. I swear got an entire year I just cried. I felt so betrayed. I still haven’t been able to date anyone regularly because I don’t trust them.

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Dating again is the worst! I have been 2 years out from a 10 year marriage. And I feel like I should be dating, but it is so hard. I feel you.

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I rarely comment (while I read everyday:), but this is something so close to home I feel it’s something people who have been through need to share for others going through it.

My ex left me before our wedding 5 year ago and I remember crying so hard I thought I would die of anxiety, seriously. That shell of a human being feeling where you’re just going through the day like a robot is a feeling I wouldn’t wish on anyone.

Then I read “It’s called a breakup because it’s broken”. Fast forward, I landed my dream job 6 months later (something he is painfully aware of;), and met my now husband a year after that. Two days ago oddly I found out my ex got engaged (with the girl he had been cheating with), and I was shocked to find myself only being sad I couldn’t tell him congratulations! Glad it’s not me!
My sister just recently got dumped by her boyfriend of 9 years, horrible. I Feel it with her. But I assure her while it won’t be easy, eventually no matter what, her heart will heal.
Thank you for sharing your story and being a positive role model for channeling that heart break. I’m sure in this time you’ve learned more about yourself than ever. And if any thoughts of “but will I ever meet someone else”? “Will I ever have more kids?” creep into your mind (not that they have to if its not something you want!), I promise you, things workout as they should to good people. I’ll be Sharing your blog with my sis:)

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It’s so good to hear that you are in a better place. You are such a strong role model for women everywhere going through something like this. It shows people that those feelings do not last forever and that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. My parents got divorced while I was really young and seeing you be a single mom with Brookie really makes me appreciate her so much more.

For meal prep, I usually make two to three meals on Sunday night and eat it throughout the week. I get some ideas off Pinterest I want to try. It’s so nice to make a quick lunch for work and to come home and eat right after a workout. I workout at night after work and I usually never want to cook.

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I’ve often thought that the opposite of love is indifference. As long as someone still invokes and emotion in you (even very negative ones like hate and anger), they have some hold on you and you’re not over them. I’m glad time is doing its job.

I am in awe of those tempo splits. I think I could use some treadmill time, as I just cannot control my pace at all when I’m running in the wild (as it were). I could do with pre-programming my legs on what a certain pace feels like – or failing that (if they’re too stupid to learn!) just doing a tempo run on a treadmill once a week. Hmmm, I wonder if I could fit a treadmill into my flat….I mean, I don’t need a sofa – right?

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I just read this today & it totally applies! Thanks for being open with your trials & what you’re learning!

https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/04/more-than-conquerors-through-him-that-loved-us?lang=eng

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Okay, that was amazing. No pain that we suffer, no trial that we experience is wasted—> all that we endure builds up our characters, purifies our hearts and makes us more tender and charitable.
UMMMMM that was PERFECT! Thank you and I just shared this talk with a few of my friends!

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I cook extra pretty much every time I cook. And then I change up how I eat it. I’ll roast a chicken and we’ll have that with potatoes and vegetables. It becomes soup, chicken tacos, topping for a salad or filling for a sandwich in my husband’s case. I’ll roast extra veggies so that they can be used during the week. I’ll freeze soup or broth, chili and such so that night’s I don’t have time I can just defrost and heat dinner.

The other thing that makes life easy is just to wash your produce at once. Then it’s ready to go and you can just grab what you need.

I’m working on the length of times for my runs, slowly upping the length of runs during the week. I’d been doing my long runs more or less at race pace for a while but that was killing me. I’m going to try the Hanson’s method for the NYC Marathon, although I may switch 1 easy day of running to the elliptical machine.

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I have some nostalgia but no pain from my divorce . It was 12 years ago. The nostalgia is remembering my children as small not for the marriage. But the painful memories are just like a movie with no pain anymore and I am thankful for that it also helps me to keep in mind and not repeat the same patterns/mistakes in my current marriage. All of life is a lesson some are just more painful to learn.

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The time it takes to get over someone that the lady on the plane said is too true!

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Thanks for sharing, Janae. So sorry you had to go through this, but I always try to focus on the positive…like knowing that without your ex, there would be no Brooke!!! I am so happy you are in a place of peace and know that you have moved on!

A few years ago, i was going through an extremely difficult time — all of the emotions you mentioned…hurt, anger, frustration, sadness, loneliness. I also never thought I’d see the day where I did not ‘feel’ these things or obsess over certain aspects of what was going on. But I’ve got to hand it to your sister — she WAS right! I look back at that time and feel like a completely different person.

I am vegetarian, so meal prep for me is usually a slew of grilled veggies. One or two days during the week I will chop up and oven roast whatever I have bought…Brussels sprouts, asparagus, broccoli, cauliflower, summer squash, carrots, green beans…I store them in glass containers in the fridge so I just have to heat and toss on top of salad, pasta, or rice/grains. I will also oven roast winter squashes, sweet potatoes, beets, and eggplant and freeze them so I have them ready to go at anytime.

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So glad your visit wasn’t saddening and hurtful for you! Time is an amazing and crazy thing! For meal prep I love to bake tons of sweet potatoes, and a veggie usually broccoli. Then I will cook a cup of rice and do crockpot chicken w/a jar of salsa Verde (so delicious & juicy). Super easy and lots of options I just put all in containers and prepare per meal or throw a lil of everything on a salad or burrito style with hot sauce. ??

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Thank you for sharing I have never been through a break up of that degree but I know several who have and it was incredibly hard for them.
As to meal prep, I meal plan which saves me so much time and prevents me from walking through the door with no idea what’s for dinner! I like to make a big batch of muesli to keep in a bowl and then just measure some out into my mason jar for breakfast, just add milk and walnuts and it’s soft by the time I get to work and ready to eat! I try to get up much earlier than I need to so I can make sure to throw together SOMETHING for lunch so I don’t have to eat out.

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I loved hearing your story and I’m so happy for you that you are in such a great place with your ex. I was in a serious relationship for 9 years and after we split up it was like this freedom washed over me. I ended up marrying the next person I dated but I think it will take some time before the 9 years of memories disappear. There are no feelings of love or of missing my ex, but when you make memories with someone for 9 years of your life it’s hard to just erase those. I just send him a little love and a little light (a-la Julia Roberts in “Eat, Pray, Love) and then continue to make new memories with my husband.

Meal prep is amazing. I like to buy a whole rotisserie chicken from Costco on Sundays and shred it up, put it in a tupperware and eat it throughout the week. The same thing for frozen veggies. I usually take some shredded chicken and veggies for lunch to work every day. It’s easy to pack lunch when everything is already prepared and all I have to do is put it in a smaller container in proper proportions. I also like to buy food that’s pre-packaged into portions. Like Larabars, individual packages of nuts or trail mix, and fruit is always a go-to. Things that don’t require a lot of effort to grab and throw in my lunch box but are still 100% wholesome and “real” food.

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My parents divorced after something like 30 years together and it was definitely very hard on my mother but things slowly heal! They’re actually kind of friends now, she still spends time with his family and we can all attend events together, etc. It’s so great that you’re willing to share your personal perspective on this kind of thing :)

To answer your questions – meal prep is my jam! I like to take it a few days at a time and prep things that keep well in the fridge for 2-3 days. I also tend to cheat with chicken and just buy a whole cooked chicken from the grocery store and split that up into a few servings :) I’ve written about it a few times if anyone is interested in my take on how I do super easy meal preps :)

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I think for exes with a good relationship, there is even one more step. After all of the emotion is the the lack of emotion, but after that comes a new, redefined relationship. I think of my ex as a cousin or brother. He’s a person I’ve known most of my life (20 years since our divorce), and we have children and grandchildren together. We will always have that connection and we’ve always made our family a priority. I’ve grown to care about him again as a family member of sorts. I care about him in the same way I care about An in-law or cousin. I want good things for him – both for his sake and my kids.

You have done awesome in making your support of his relationship with Brooke such a priority.

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You are so brave and strong and amazing! And I don’t know you in real life, but I love you! I have so much admiration for you and you are a true inspiration to me!!

I hope you have a wonderful day :)

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So glad to hear you were feeling ok after seeing your ex!

Love your SF pics!!!

I would like to get better with meal prep as well. I love when I have food in the house when I get home like after a run.. but it’s usually if I have Chinese or thai leftovers. not because I have been cooking. :)

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I totally agree with you. My divorce/past marriage doesn’t even seem to exist in my head. I always thought I would constantly be recalling what happened in my past, but I’m not. I am now remarried, and had a baby this past year and wouldn’t change what I did for the world. Not saying divorce is the best thing, and I know you aren’t either, but in both of our cases, it was for the best personally and emotionally. Glad to hear you are in a good place! I haven’t seen my ex in over a year and I would hope that my interaction would be the same. LOVE your blog, Janae! I had emailed you back around the time of my divorce (and you emailed me back) and I have loved following your journey. I have wanted to start a conversation/blog about some of my experiences but never know how to address this the best. I am in awe of how you have done what you have done and am SO happy for you!!

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I once envisioned us both being at a school play or something, sitting separately due to hard feelings, and our kid having to choose who she would go to first after her performance. I would never ever want to put my kid in that situation. While I decided not to tolerate the things he did and took my kid and left him, I do miss the love we shared, and I will do what I have to to make sure he always feels comfortable coming around. SHE needs him–and she needs him not only every-other-weekend.

My own parents are divorced. You’d think they’d be an example to us, but sadly they’re terrible. They won’t show up to parties, graduations, etc if the other person is going to be there. It’s horrible that we have to choose who to invite to events.

I would absolutely hate to have zero relationship with my ex. I love that my he and I can have dinner together when we exchange the kid and sit together at our kid’s performances, practices, etc. I love that she sees us interacting in a caring and friendly manner. I love that she knows it’s not “awkward” for us both to show up somewhere together. He still has his “issues” and I’m sure I wasn’t always a delight to live with, but for her sake we keep it sane.

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Your sister is so right. Even the most excruciating pain will eventually fade. For years someone I desperately wanted to accept me, just simply did not. I was extremely hurt, and the pain felt so deep that I thought it would never heal. Eventually (…looong eventually…) the pain dulled. I might even say that I’m a better person for having gone through it. I’m so happy for you that you weren’t emotionally affected by seeing your ex. It sounds like both you and he are doing a good job with Brooke too. Keep it up Janae :)

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You are on point. In my heart I think I was divorced long before it was ever filed. It didn’t take me any time to get over it emotionally, but, I was surprised that after a while it felt like the marriage never existed. I have friends and ‘family’ from that time. I have memories, stories, pictures (with other people), and experiences. Things I remember, and still like, but the thought that I was married to that person, a wife to him, lived with him, shared my life with him…that seems like someone made it up! It is so …..surreal? God is good to sometimes let us ‘forget’ things. Our mind may not, but our hearts do have the ability to forget. And that is very, very good.

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The end of my marriage was slow and I was mentally and emotionally done with our relationship by the time we separated, so for me I don’t experience the feelings of grief over the end of the relationship. But because of the circumstances, there is a lot of frustration with his behavior, lack of respect for me or the schedule, etc. I’ve had perfect strangers text and call me and tell me I’m selfish- friends of his who think they know everything about the situation lol. He leaves voicemails threatening to take me to court, or he calls continuously until I block the number. Recently, I got an email that I am “officially the worst person ever” and then the next week he wanted me to be nice to him. I’m so glad you are in a better place and you have that relationship with his family!

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God, I hope your sister is right :(

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I have had that feeling too – I left someone that I was in a relationship with (and was engaged to) for over 5 years. That was almost 2 years ago now and I definitely have experienced feeling as though that part of my life was a separate life. Granted, for me, the relationship was over a few months before it actually ended so that helped me too. But that’s great advice from your sister and many readers! I’m so glad it helped you!

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I’m glad to hear you are healing… I truly have no idea how you do it! Praise God for the healing in your heart! Brooke is such a sweetie.

Thursdays are tempo days for me and I usually go for an hour (7 to 8 miles). Tomorrow I either have to run that tempo workout from 5 am to 6 am or later in the day with the double jogging stroller. I’m not sure which would be more pleasant at this point!

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I am so glad that to hear that you are in a better place when you see your ex! You are amazing and deserve to be nothing but happy. :) I have never gone through a divorce, but you seem to have taken the high road and remained positive just like you say your sister did. You really are awesome Janae! As for meal prep, I will be reading the comments because I am terrible at it ha!

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I am so happy to hear that you have healed, Janae! I recently got divorced and definitely the hardest part was letting go of my dream of having a family with him. I will listen to your sister and believe that it will soon be a distant memory. Time, running and lots of prayer have been the biggest factors in healing! :)

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Excellent heartfelt post. Thank you for sharing your divorce/post-divorce feelings with us. I’m so glad to hear you are in a happy, positive and peaceful place!

I am a little over 1 month post-breakup with a guy I was dating for 2.5 years. I thought he was my forever, unfortunately he doesn’t know what love feels like (never has said it to anyone in his life, can you imagine?) and there was just no moving forward with that. I am completely heartbroken and…yeah…he lives in the apartment upstairs from me. It’s very difficult to be ripped away from friends/family you have met; interestingly enough I have received numerous emails/texts from his friends/family…but I am not ready (and may never be) to see them again. My therapist has been helping me significantly and she recommended putting affirmations on post-it notes all over my apartment and office to help cope (and to try to control myself from contacting him). Sigh; so hard.

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I had ALL the feelings reading your post. I went through a divorce many, many moons ago (17yrs ago). I remember it as being one of the toughest “moments” of my life. I did get past it. I remember the year after the split being the roughest. Each year got a little easier until eventually, I had completely moved on. That being said, I’ve been re-married for 13 years now and have 3 children. Almost 2 years ago now, I got a phone call from an old friend telling me that my ex husband had passed away. I was shocked, heartbroken and guilt-ridden. Unfortunately he made a lot of poor choices with his life in the years to follow our divorce. I could not help but to wonder if I had only worked on our marriage harder, given it another chance ..that maybe his life would have taken a different turn and the outcome would have been better. I went to the funeral and it was rough. I have to say that it probably took me another year to get past his death. He had not been in my life at all and I had not spoken to him in probably 12 years, yet I felt like I was right back in that low, low point of my life. I did get past it and I am lucky enough to have a very understanding husband who was supportive and gracious during my struggle. Anyway, I am past the guilt and I now know that God had closed that door for a reason.
I’m not sure why I just shared all this except that you kind of asked? LOL.

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THANK YOU BOBBIE for sharing with me (us). I really appreciate it. Wow. I can’t even begin to imagine everything that you have been through and I am so happy you are in such a better place with your marriage now and three kiddos. You are amazing and thanks for opening up… it helps a lot of us.

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Janae, thank you so much for sharing your story. I agree with your readers, you are brave and strong and an inspiration to us all! I am so glad you are finding freedom from that time in your life.

I left an abusive marriage 7 years ago. It was the hardest thing I have ever done, ever. I was scared, embarrassed, anxious, depressed, full of guilt and shame. How did this happen to me? I had a hard time facing every day. I moved back in with my parents (at 28!), I started counseling and I did my best to go to work each day. I could see no light at the end of the tunnel, it was a dark time.

Fast forward to last week as I crossed the finish line at the Boston Marathon with my new husband and family there cheering me on and supporting me. It was one of the best moments of my life! And it was in that very moment I found myself grateful for experiencing that divorce. Grateful because it was due to the divorce that I found the freedom to become the best expression of who God created me to be. Grateful because I don’t recognize that girl and that time in my life anymore. No feelings. Grateful because I have been blessed with a wonderful husband and we just celebrated 3 years of marriage.

I also had some pretty bad memories of places, or songs, or moments yet by God’s grace I have experienced new and wonderful memories with those same exact places, songs or moments. It is almost like the slate has been wiped clean and those old memories are gone, a truly amazing gift.

And I agree, if anyone would have told me during that dark time, ‘Don’t worry Jen, 7 years from now you will be happily married, with a great job, with an amazing circle of family and friends and you will experience things that you never dreamed possible. You will travel, backpacking across the country and climb Mt. Whitney, the tallest mountain in the US. You will also complete a full marathon, 26.2 miles! You will share your story and volunteer with survivors of abuse, just like yourself. Most importantly, you will gain wisdom and have renewed strength and peace.’ I would have look at them bewildered as if they were speaking another language. Seriously.

Time can heal.

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Your story gave me goosebumps. Thank you for sharing Jennifer. Congrats on Boston (and with your husband!!) Thank goodness for time and all of the new memories. Thank you.

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I have been divorced for a little over 10 years now, and I agree that time heals. It took me awhile to get over the bitterness, heartbreak, and feeling of betrayal. The time has allowed me to learn who I am as a person, and have a great relationship with my boys. My ex is now re-married, and has a little girl with his wife. We can now talk civilly, even though there are still some disagreements. I can say that those feelings I had for him are gone, have been for a long while, and like you said, it is like talking to someone you would just run into. I am so glad to hear you have found this peace :)

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Gosh, you are one lucky girl! I wish I had someone to tell me those things- but I eventually figured it out! I will say, there is nothing better than the feeling of being free from those feelings. I’m so happy that you have found peace! <3

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So happy for you, Janae! What a wonderful blessing that you are at peace with that relationship!

My husband is super disciplined about food prep on Sundays (even when I’m feeling lazy, he insists :), so we usually roast a bunch of sweet potatoes & veggies, grill chicken, and then assemble bowls to take to work for lunch. Sometimes I’ll also make an egg casserole or Paleomg’s 5 ingredient pizza spaghetti squash pie for extra meals throughout the week. Definitely makes weekdays easier!

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So glad to hear this!!

So timely! I actually haven’t seen my ex since our separation two years ago, but we recently had to start talking to try to save costs on lawyers (legal issues).
He keeps bringing up mistakes he made in the past, while at the same time blaming me for the reason he made those mistakes. Luckily I have grown and I don’t feel the need to defend myself to him. I just don’t engage at all and move on to the next subject that we have to discuss when he does this. I’m not angry at him for it either, I just realize he is on his own journey and these negative comments must come out of fear.

It is so good to feel free from worry over his opinion of me or to crave his attention, even if negative, like I used to. Such a blessing to realize I have not only healed but grown in the process!

I’m not sure though how i would feel if I bumped into him, though. He has a child with the woman he left me for and I think it would be painful to see them together, but that is mostly because I would like to start a family, not so much to do with emotional ties to him. But your truth gives me hope <3

Thank you for sharing your experience of strength and hope as a single mother post divorce!

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I feel like I could have written this post! I was married at 25 and then divorced a year later at 26. I told myself that it would be fine and didn’t want to talk about it. The year after my divorce was the worst of my life…I cried every time I was alone, I couldn’t listen to music, I couldn’t think about him, and I missed his family terribly. I didn’t think things would ever get better. Fast forward to the time I, finally, opened up to my parents and current husband about how I was feeling, it was like a weight had been lifted. It didn’t happen immediately and I still had feelings of sadness but, slowly and surely, the pain started to go away and I didn’t hurt so much when I thought about everything. He remarried and so did I and I know we’re both better off and, now, even though I don’t see him or have any contact with him, have feelings of goodwill and wishing him nothing but the best. No more hurt, no more regret, and no more sadness…just normal, everyday feelings…and it’s amazing because I never thought I’d get to this place. Hugs and love to you!! <3

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Glad to hear you are doing so well mentally after this tough time.

For me it was the exact opposite. The divorce was the easy part. That was over 10 years ago. It’s the after that is so hard and never ending. It’s probably because he continues to be a jerk. It’s hard to constantly rise about it. I am seriously counting down the days until my youngest daughter turns 18. Only 34.5 months to go!

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I’m glad things have gotten easier. I think what your sister said is so true in a lot of situations in life.

I meal plan, not necessarily meal prep. That helps me a lot. Meal prepping is SO hard for me to do.

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It is true. I avoided my ex for the longest time, which was really difficult because we have mutual close friends. We were together for over 7 years and 4 years after the divorce I saw him again and I felt absolutely nothing. We don’t run into each other often, but I saw him again recently (8 years post divorce) and instead of nothing I felt friendship. It was as though I was finally able to look at the time that we spent together as an important part of my life that we shared and we will always have that bond and it didn’t make me sad. I don’t hate him (it was a hard, bad situation), he doesn’t make me sad anymore, but I realized that I GENUINELY want him to have a good and happy life. Thank you for sharing. There are so many people going through the similar situations and I think it helps knowing that you aren’t alone and that you will be okay.

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Thank you for this post and always being so open. It truly is so helpful for those of us in similar situations. I am currently going through a heart wrenching breakup and I miss the man I was engaged to every day more than words can describe. The decision was 100% his to end things and he didn’t let me have any say in the matter. But, I turn to your blog daily for hope and inspiration. Reading your posts on breakup/divorce have helped me survive some of my darkest days. I thank God every day that I stumbled upon your blog!

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Thank you so much for sharing that with us! You and I were about two months apart that summer going through the same thing so I know exactly what you mean. Everyone tells you to expect that feeling of not feeling anything for the other person but when you hurt that deep it’s really hard to believe. I am so glad you found your peace!

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Thanks for sharing this. I am about 5 months post-breakup and it still sucks but it’s getting better. I try to distract myself when thoughts of him come up. I’m hoping if I just don’t think about it long enough, eventually I will stop thinking about it!

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THANK YOU for sharing your story with Us about your Divorce <3 I'm currently going through one with two small children & your blog is always something I turn to for motivation when it comes to running & just life in general :)

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i don’t really have much to bring to this table…i’ve been single for years and barely dated (where are you men?!) but hits was so nice to read, and i’m so glad for you. i cannot even imagine the journey, but you got through it, and its been a joy reading it. hugs girl. hugs.

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