I’ve kept you in the loop with my divorce stuff on the blog over the years so I thought I would give you an update on where I’m at so feel free to scroll through this first part if you are here for running, pics of Brooke and food.
This last weekend was the first time I saw my ex in over a year. Whenever he comes to Utah to visit he just gets Brooke from my mom and the last few times I have taken Brooke to California I did the drop-off/pick-up with his mom. There have also been a few months that didn’t work out for visits over the last year which also meant it had been FOREVER since I did the drop-off/pick-up with him. PS whenever I see his mom we hug and talk and have a great relationship for the circumstance. We were always very close when I was married and I’m grateful that I still see her a few times a year.
Back to seeing my ex. Once upon a time right after filing for divorce my sister told me that at some point down the road, I wouldn’t feel anymore. She said that it will feel like that marriage with him was a completely different life. My sister went through a divorce just a few years before me and I’m so beyond grateful for her amazing example during her divorce. She just gets life and always stuck to taking the high road and doing what was best for her kids. Okay, back to what she was telling me about my marriage/ex feeling like a distant memory that doesn’t produce any emotions anymore. She comforted me over and over again that with time, the feelings would disappear and that the brightness of life up ahead would almost be too good to believe. I literally did not believe her one bit when she first told me that at some point I wouldn’t hurt when I saw him or really even ever think of that time together. I couldn’t believe this idea because at the time it was an all-consuming situation and so raw that the mention of his name hurt every part of me, let alone actually seeing him. And then there were a few times that I would see him shortly after the divorce process started and even though it was just for a minute or two (we were nothing but nice to each other) it took me the rest of the day (ehhhh week sometimes….) to feel good again after that. It just hurt. Anger, sadness, loneliness, missing being married, frustration, longing to have a family unit again—> you name the emotion, my heart felt it.
Time kept moving forward and I was able to process more and more and feel more and more for different people that I was dating and then over the last year I never really even saw my ex-husband until this last weekend. I really didn’t know how I was going to feel when I saw him because it had been such a long time. More than anything though, I was nervous about how Brooke was going to do and handle saying goodbye to him and going home with me (luckily, she feels super secure with both of us at this point and gave him a huge hug, kiss and then ran back over to me).
And for the 4,593,294th time, my sister was right and I was wrong. I’m very glad she was right on this one.
I legitimately felt nothing. I didn’t feel an ounce of sadness over him (I did saying goodbye to Brooke but that will always be a thing). I just felt like I was talking to anyone. Just another human. There was no emotion. It was weird because I almost braced myself on the drive there to drop her off to feel sad (and to go buy a donut) afterwards but after I dropped her off I was completely fine. I remember less and less from that time of life and any emotional ties I had in the past have disappeared.
Oh, and to the woman next to me on the plane to NYC just a few months after I filed for divorce, you were right too. I told her my life story (I need to stop doing this at some point;) and she had been divorced too and since then remarried. She told me it would take me about 1/2 the time that we were together to truly get over the entire situation and yep, it was about that amount of time for me too. I have no idea what the time frame is like for other people but she somehow knew how long it would take me. It just takes time, especially when you pour your entire heart into somebody, to get over it and to feel nothing.
I like feeling nothing when it comes to this:)
So, if you are in the thick of things with hurt, loneliness, abandonment, sadness, anger, whatever after a split with somebody… listen to my sister because she is always right. It will eventually feel like it was all a dream or a distant memory that you never really think about. It gets so much better.
Okay, a few more pictures from this weekend! (credit)
And 6 things from yesterday:
*I decided to try out some tempo miles yesterday because my leg was feeling so much better. It went well which got me excited for my race coming up.
2 miles w/up, 5 miles (6:53, 6:48, 6:44, 6:37, 6:31) and 3 miles c/d
I have definitely lost some of my speed fitness because I was huffing and puffing and really working for those splits but progression is not linear… there are ups and downs along the way to our goals.
*Had this waiting for me to heat up to eat right after I finished my run.
*Brooke had a playdate (matching coats!!) and I got to catch up with my good friend of 16 years!
*We had to run to the mall real quick and when we walked by Pretzelmaker they were giving out FREE pretzels for National Pretzel Day. We get quite excited over free food.
*Puddle jumping like a champ.
*I didn’t have any change with me so Brooke asked to try the machine with my credit card… surprisingly it didn’t work.
What got you through tough breakups in the past?
Divorced peeps… what was your experience with this whole thing?
When you do a tempo run… how long do you usually go for?
Meal prep—> I want to be better about this and would love to hear if you do this. It was just so nice to have my food ready for me to grab and eat when I got home from my run and would love ideas of things you do each week!