One of the most frequent questions/emails I get is about dating.
Sometimes I am a little too open on here but whatever:
I think… well, I know… I threw myself into dating post-divorce much too quickly.
I dated a few really great guys that were very good to me starting at about 5 months after my separation. The problem was that I just wasn’t in a good place to be in any sort of relationship. None of those relationships even had a chance to thrive because the ending of my marriage was still way too fresh for me and I was still knee (okay, forehead) deep in the grieving process.
And then there was a not-so-great-at-all-relationship-that-made-me-cry-a-lot thing that happened. At this point, my heart was not ready yet to handle that heartbreak so early on and next thing I knew it, I was completely jaded. I decided to take a few months off from dating completely. I had no desire during those months to do anything other than spend time with Brooke, my family, my friends (my real-life friends and the television show) and my books.
In retrospect I should have waited about a year after I left California to start dating. I think I was searching desperately for some distractions from all of my pain during that time and I thought dating was the best way to move on.
I finally feel like I am actually in a place to be serious with someone. I still have moments where I go a little crazy and freak out about commitment but at the same time I actually feel ready and excited to be in a relationship. Plus, I really like this one a whole lot.
A few tips that I have for those dating after a divorce (aka maybe don’t do what I did):
-It’s okay to be alone. Those months that I took off from dating were the most healing and needed months for me. Give yourself as much time as possible for that heart of yours to get put back together before becoming vulnerable again and dating someone seriously. You have the rest of your life to be with somebody again, give yourself a break and spoil yourself rotten during this time;)
-Don’t run away from the grieving process because it will in fact catch back up to you no matter how fast you think you are and bite you really hard. Feel what you need to feel when you need to feel it. All of the distractions in the world (besides chocolate) will not heal you, you’ve got to experience the different stages of grieving and process things accordingly.
-If you feel uneasy about something or feel like it is too fast, then it absolutely is too fast for you at this time. Trust those intuitions of yours. They are almost always right.
-You deserve the absolute best. You deserve to be treated amazingly. Don’t let anyone make you think anything differently.
-Learn from your mistakes the first time around;) I think I have finally learned my lesson.
How is that for a running blog?!
Tradition #8 in the books.
I can’t think of anything that makes me happier than that little face of hers.
Brooke made her santa letter and delivered it all by herself.
And from her (me) delivering her letter to Santa in 2013:
It was all quite exciting.
Afterwards, the three of us (my mom came with us) split a caramel apple.
And of course the normal snuggles on the couch. I ordered these slippers and just got them and I actually do not know how I lived without them in the past.
Give me your thoughts about dating/relationships/where you are right now in terms of all that stuff!!!
Divorced peeps—> what was your experience with entering the dating world again?
What December traditions have you done so far?