Turns out divorces are kind of stressful.

long time lurker, etc etc etc.

divorce. yuck. so, reading your tea leaves, it sounds like your experience is similar to mine, at least emotionally…anger, hurt, regret, second-guessing, all of it, except i thought that i could fix it and she had no interest in trying.

where we really align, though, is in the fact that i absolutely refused to run down my kids’ mother to them. she and i have still had some knock-down arguments over these past dozen years, but never, not once, in front of the kids, and we won’t. i just decided that, for my own sanity, i had to make my relationship with my kids about them and me alone, and i think we’ve been the healthier for it.

i will never, not once, let the fact that i’m a divorced dad become the focus of who i am. i’ve seen those guys, and i won’t be them. i will always just be a dad. period, full stop, and you will always be a mom. period, full stop. don’t let anyone else box you in to be something else.

(whew, kinda got going there…)

anyway – on a lighter note, lake michigan beaches are the best – grand haven state park, north beach in ferrysburg, pere marquette, sleeping bear. gorgeous, white sand…and no salt, and no sharks ;-)

I’m really happy for you, Janae! You’ve been very classy throughout this year and I’ve learned a lot from your posts! You have so much GOOD ahead of you – especially with a difficult time behind you :) Enjoy your trip!

You are such an inspiration- even when you go through something hard, you stay classy! You are an awesome example of how everyone else should handle themselves in tough situations!

Congratulations on a fresh start! Brooke is blessed to have a mom like you.

Very glad for you that the divorce is final and that Brooke’s needs have always come first. Though it was incredibly painful and expensive (both in emotions and money), I’m so lucky that my divorce didn’t involve kids.
Favorite beach is Ocracoke Island, NC. So peaceful and not built up, plus a wild horse sanctuary.
I had that chicken/fruit salad yesterday!
Modern Family is the best, BTW.

I never in a million years thought I would be divorce. Never crossed my mind but it happened, even though I tried through lots of tough stuff to make it work. The process was horrendous and long (almost 4 years in court system total) but I came through to the other side just fine. I don’t know how, but I did and my son was totally fine as well. He was fine because I made it all fine and like you, never bad-mouthed his dad. I make their relationship super important and keep my schedule flexible in order for him to see him whenever he wants. He asks lots more questions now about everything, especially since my ex and I get along super well (we shouldn’t on paper but it is easier to let go of negativity than hold on to it). I do a lot of writing on this subject of healthy attitude during/after divorce and co-parenting with an ebook coming out on the subject too! I will share it with you when it’s out. Keep up the amazing attitude! I can’t believe you don’t have Panera, that shocks me.

Congratulations! one question though…why do divorces last so long? paperwork? or because of a kid?

You have dealt with the situation with so much grace and are setting such a great example for Brooke.

My parents divorced when I was 12 and it never felt like it had a negative impact on *my* life. I am very close with both of my parents. It definitely helped that they never spoke badly about each other in front of me. I know I really appreciate that and I think Brooke will too.

I just want to say that you have handled the past year with such dignity, poise and grace. I don’t know that I could have done it. You should be proud of yourself and you deserve way more than a gold star. I’m happy for you.
And it’s interesting that you can learn lessons from people you’ve never met. Thanks for continuing to inspire!
Brooke is super lucky to have you as her momma.
My favorite beach is Sea Isle, NJ. It’s where my family goes for a week every summer and it’s just lots of fun.

Looks like you had some much needed relaxation at the beach! Man I wish I lived closer to one! Oh, and Modern Family is the best show. EVER. :-)

As a teacher thank you for handling your divorce this way…if for no other reason than he is still her dad and always will be. I have seen too many kids caught in the middle, going from house to house listening to one parent bash the other…stuck in the middle because they feel they have to pick sides.

Sending you big hugs. As a” divorced kid” I love how you are handling things!

One of my favourite beaches is Laguna Beach in California. However, since I’m from the West Coast, I should also mention my home beach–White Rock in British Columbia. I can’t wait to go home and run along it next month :)

Take Care lady!

PS…my favorite beach is Ka’anapalli Beach in Hawaii. It is so beautiful!!

Janae, I’m relieved for you. I’m also so proud of you for being so strong and publicly going though that hardship with grace.
Enjoy the beach and can’t wait to hear about the new guy you’re dating! ;)

You have been the bigger person through all this and have such good taste to not blast your ex over the internet. That must have been so hard but u did the right thing for Brooke. And it’s so amazing that u can keep that up for her sake so she doesnt have to feel bad about loving her dad. That’s the healthy (but sometimes hard) thing to do.
Congratulations on being free. I know that the next chapters in your life will be good ones. :)

I’ve been separated for almost 3 months, and I can relate to this post so much, especially the part about it being so weird when they go from spouse/best friend to nothing so quickly. I just remember looking at him and thinking “WHO ARE YOU??”. I also can really relate to your viewpoint on not seeking revenge, etc. I also think it is THE most important thing that our two boys always have a good relationship with both of us and see that we can interact civilly for their sake. Even though our marriage ended on ugly terms of his doing, I don’t ever want to let my feelings toward him affect the kids. Thank you for being an inspiration to all of us going through it, and seeing that it CAN be done!

Like many other commenters, I’m also a child of divorce. And like your parents did, my folks also had divorced siblings, which I think was hard on my grandparents, esp since like your parents, they stayed happily married. The key I think is as you’re doing, not bad-mouthing each other in any context that could get back to the child. I feel so lucky my parents could do that. While they certainly had their issues, they kept their thoughts to themselves or their friends I guess, just not around us kids, and are able to be adult and can be around each other at events like my wedding, my brother’s wedding, etc. You’re amazing and Brooke is lucky to have you!

Janae, I am so happy for you that you are free of this situation! I can only imagine how relieved you must feel. I think the way you have handled everything is truly admirable.
I have not been through a divorce, but I was separated for 6 months recently and things are still very rocky. In a way I’m a bit jealous of you because you are able to move on now and I’m still stuck trying to see if things will work out, which has been extremely stressful….but of course I hope we can fix things.
P.S.: I will never forget the kind words you emailed me when I was going through the worst of my separation. You really helped me. You are just the sweetest person!

i’m glad the divorce process is finally over and you can begin a new chapter of your life :) i know the process couldn’t have been easy, but you have such a positive attitude now about the whole thing. brooke sure is lucky to have you as a mom and role model! :)

Great post. You are a class act and have handled this so well, especially when it comes to your daughter. I went through a very sudden divorce myself (while my ex was in law school as well) and it was incredibly difficult. I went a little crazy… Couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, so angry that my fists were always clenched. I dry-heaved in my car on the way to the courthouse to file the papers. (The actual filing part was weirdly easy, but we had no kids or property). And then when it was over I felt immediately relieved. It was remarkable. In two days I felt on top of the world. Excited for your fresh start!

I went through my divorce about 6 months ahead of you- It was final January 20th of this year. I think you are fortunate to have had Brooke to focus on and to have a place to go/live that was hundreds of miles away from your ex-husband. I can only imagine how hard it really was. I live in RI- it is a TINY place and literally almost every person in my life is also here. It has been extremely difficult to live less than 5 miles away from the home we bought together, from him, and from all of family and “friends” we had together (most of which no longer associate with me). I literally can’t get away from anything. The hardest part is exactly what you said- having someone be everything in your life one moment and completely nothing the next- And it is even worse when you’re constantly reminded/run into people etc. Sometimes I am completely overwhelmed with memories/sadness and it can be really hard to believe that I did the right thing. However, as time has past- my ex-husband has really shown his true self and not the person I knew or thought he was. Those are the moments that I realize that all the pain and hurtful things he does these days are the reasons that this is worth it. This next chapter will be amazing! Stay strong and keep your head up friend- you are awesome! <3 Coco

I cant believe you got a divorce…you guys were so happy and
It seemed like you were just meant for eachother! But i also understand
That things happen. People change. My parents got a divorce when i was 13. There
Was a lot of other stuff going on like my dad being in jail but youre right divorce for anyone involved is like lifting an elephant off your chest.
Even if mommy and daddy cant get along a little girl always needs her parents. Trust me. My dad and i havent spoken in 2 years and i still cry everyday because of how much he hurt me.

I think it is super great that you did not exploit the details of your divorce to enjoy a greater blog readership. I respect that. However – and I say this with kindness, not judgment, just something to keep in mind – if Brooke ever reads this blog, she will probably be able to infer what happened, just like your readers have been able to. There are VERY few causes of divorce that would result in a 12-second decision to cut ties. Just please keep in mind that while you have been totally classy, you’ve put enough out there that people can figure it out, especially as the future unfolds. I hate that all this happened with you and best wishes for your future now that you’re free :)

I think you are so inspirational and an amazing example to not only Brooke, but me and the rest of the blogging world. I respect you a lot. So happy things are looking up for you xx

It’s so wonderful that you want Brooke to continue to have a good relationship with her dad, even if your relationship with him has come to an end. That is the sign of a truly good parent. I wish you all the best, and I’m glad that weight is off your chest now!

I was just in the San Diego region this past weekend too! If you are still there go to Cafe Elysa in Carlsbad. Their stuffed French Toast is amazing. Plus you sit outside right by the ocean!! Can’t beat that. Also, their white chocolate hot coco is great!!!

Janae, I admire you for showing so much strength, not only for yourself but also for Brooke. You also have always remained so positive and classy like others have mentioned. I know it might not be easy to share such a personal part of your life, but I am sure you have helped others who have experienced similar situations.

My favorite beaches are the ones on Maui and Kauai! Those islands are so gorgeous!!

Well done, Janae. You’ve set the bar high for your daughter and her future relationships. You handled a very difficult situation with class and dignity and grace and that will be the takeaway for Brooke.

I’m divorced, but seeing as we didn’t have kids, and didn’t own anything together, it really felt like more of a glorified break up. The lawyers and cost and loss of the relationship, the shame and embarrassment were hard, of course, but I had such great support from those around me and I know we made the right decision. I was recently remarried and my husband has two kids, so now I’m in the role of step-mom, which is probably the hardest thing I’ve ever done. The relationship with my husband and their mother is solid and I get along with her as well, and that is huge. As you said, the kids come first and the divorce is not a reflection of their relationship with their parents. Keep that focus and everything and everyone will turn out just fine.

Hugs to you and Brooke!

You are so strong and inspiring! I am impressed with how you’ve handled it all-espeically in such a public place. And I am SO HAPPY for you!! Yay, it is DONE.

Live the life YOU deserve, because you deserve SO SO much. Love you, girl!! <3

Janae, I am a frequent reader of your blog but don’t always comment that often. I just wanted to say I’m glad you’re moving on and being positive about your whole situation! I’ve never been through a divorce but went through a nasty breakup; it’s tough but surrounding yourself with family and friends helps tons! Best of luck to you.

Panera – love their broccoli cheese soup and their Fuji apple chicken salad. I haven’t been in years because there do not seem to be many (if any) where I live in NYC.

I looove the beach, no matter where, but my favorite is Hilton Head!

Long time reader, first time comment

I just finished a ginormous strawberry spinach salad (with salmon, avocado, onion, almond slivers and blue cheese sprinkles) inspired by you and all your wonderful salad photos. I have been going through my own emotionally tough journey this year and I have been inspired by your blog to eat more healthy and train for a trail 1/2 marathon in Sept. You are already helping others.

I have no doubt that Brooke will grow up to have a heart of gold and a positive outlook with you as her Momma. She is so precious.

Best beach = Southern shore of Lake Superior near Ontonagon. Beaches are really healing and I’m headed there this weekend.
Panera = We have them and I dislike their salads and sandwiches – luv their bread tho! I wish we would get a Cafe Rio!

You are a champ. Seriously, I’ve been reading for years (not commenting much, but I read almost daily!), and once you told a story about a hard run and how you had to tell yourself a mantra over and over: “We can do hard things.” That struck a chord with me and has changed the way I look at so many different challenges in life. Seeing you live that out, doing the hard things in your running and in your break from running and in your parenting and in your divorce is encouraging and inspiring and convicting.

Brooke is lucky to have such a role model for her mama. Praying for blessings for both of you as you embark on this exciting new chapter! <3

I went through a divorce when my (our) daughter was 4. There were some tough times, but ultimately, we were both very committed to staying friendly and never saying a bad thing about each other (if anything, I would defend him when she was having some teenage angst) and we tried always to be on the same page. She’s now a beautiful, smart, well-adjusted 19yo. My ex only lives about a mile away and we run on the same trails. We’ll still occasionally see each other and high five. In my mind, the high five represents the run and the raising of our daughter. :)

Anyway, your great attitude about your ex, his role as dad to your precious daughter, and the importance of their relationship will eventually grow into a peaceful working partnership between you two (’cause even though you’re no longer married, you still need to raise a daughter “together”). Whether you’ve meant to be or not, you’ve been a great “role model” for others going through this painful process.

On a lighter note: Panera — love the Thai chicken salad.

So happy for you that all that divorce drama is behind you now!! No better time for a fresh start than in the middle summer! I come from a divorced family and the best thing you can do is be happy and a positive example to Brooke which you are absolutely doing! I was 16 when it happened but for the 10 years prior my parents were angry and should have split up much, much earlier. I felt totally responsible because my mom kept telling me she stayed with my dad for my sake. It took a few years of counseling to feel whole again and I definitely do not want to make those same mistakes when I have kids someday. Divorces are a good thing when, for whatever reason, two people don’t want to/can’t stay together because that way everyone is happier and life moves forward. You are so positive and that sets the best example for not just Brooke but to everyone! Wishing you the best in this new chapter in life!!

Favorite beach = Mahaulepu beach in Kauai. If you go there one day make sure you go to this one, so much peace and beauty there.

You are great! My brother just got divorced and always talked crap about his ex-wife infront of the kids. Horrible thing to do. The beach looks beautiful!

So glad you had a great time at the beach, much deserved after everything you’ve been through. And I hope your fresh start brings much love and happiness!
~Bre

Love that you have kept your head held high and never wavered in your mature approach. Being mentally strong is everything, and after years of marathon training and running (which is 50% mental in my opinion), you are lucky to have this power and then some.

Get it, girl. Excited to see what’s next for you in this life that you are creating for yourself and Brooke. xo

You are an inspiration in life and running. Your humbleness, humor, and grit is beautiful. Thank you for sharing your story.

So, did you know that there’s a lawsuit against Naked juice because it has so many chemicals in it? One of them being formaldihyde? So sad because I love Naked!

And I had another dream about you last night. So weird. I guess I came to visit you in Utah, and you were cheerleading at a high school football game, and I was thinking “That is so weird, cuz she is no longer in high school!” and I went up to pay for the entrance to the game, and somehow at the same time I was at my home (which was a home I had NEVER actually lived in, but it was similar to what I was in when I lived in MO), and I was outside and it had snowed a foot. So, as I’m trudging up to the ticket stand, in the snow, the ticket person pointed to you and whoever you were with and said that I needed to tell you that you guys had to pay, too. And I was thinking “I don’t want to tell them! They live here! I have no right to! ” and then my dream was over.

And I’m so amazed that you were able to handle all you went through so well. I’m having a lot of issues at work, and I’m having a hard enough time dealing with that!