10 (actually 12 but 10 sounds better) Things Getting Me Through A Divorce

I have received a few emails recently asking about how I am coping with my divorce (or how to get through tough times). Talking about this in a public way is always really hard for me but I figure there are many in my same circumstance and I hope to be able to help at least one other woman find peace and a way to cope with things even though it is hard for me to talk about this kind of stuff.

1. Church. I do not talk about my faith very often on this blog because this is a running/food/pictures of Brooke blog but my religion and prayer have done more for me than I ever thought possible. It is my center. My core. No matter what your religion is or what your beliefs are I think that it is so important to find peace through some sort of spirituality.

For so many months the only possible way for me to get out of bed in the morning was if I went straight to my knees to pray and then that is what gave me the strength to stand.

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2. Brooke. I really think she is my miracle. I absolutely love being a mom and she is such a happy little thing… it is hard to be sad around her. Focusing on her well-being is quite healing for me. It is amazing how much serving someone else helps ourselves.

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3. Each member of my family. I wish more than anything that every woman in my situation could have a family to help them the way that mine do.

4. Running. There is nothing like pounding out your emotions on the roads. Just one run can change your whole perspective and there is nothing like sweating and crying at the same time to really help you release emotions and process your thoughts.

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5. Friends. I would never want to turn any discussions with friends into a ‘bashing’ but talking about my situation and feelings with close friends has been very therapeutic. I have a friend that has been in very similar situation and is on the other side and she gives me so much hope. I know that in years from now that I will be that friend to someone else and help them to know it will all be okay.

6. Hope. Positive thinking. Looking forward and not behind. Gratitude. Focusing on the good stuff in life.

7. Each month I plan something that I can really look forward to during those times that are hard and I am feeling down. Whether it is a trip with friends, a race, a shopping trip with my mom or forcing my Sis or Paige and Jess to spend 24 hours straight with me… Something to have my eye on to think about when I get down.

8. Food. Yep. I said it. I know everyone says that we shouldn’t use food for ’emotional’ reasons but I sure do and I like it that way. Whether it is a good meal out with friends or chocolate in bed when I am reading, it makes me happy.

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9. Counseling. This is more of a future one. I have not yet found one that I really connect with but I know eventually I will:) I have received some counseling from church leaders and my mom is the world’s best counselor/listener ever.

10. Yes, it is important to process through situations BUT some things just hurt too much or sometimes you just don’t want to think about anything at all… Find something that lets you completely escape so that you don’t have to think about anything.

For me my escapes are: the movies, reading intense books and getting on Pinterest for hours late at night until I can fall asleep.

11. Music. There are so many songs that I listen to on repeat because the words in them give me power and strength.

Shake it Out by Florence + The Machine has been my favorite lately:

“It’s ALWAYS darkest before the DAWN.”

12. Take the high road. No matter what. You will heal eventually but I promise that ‘revenge/bad-talking/telling everyone your story/etc. etc’ will not make you feel any better.

What gets you through your hardest times?!?!

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213 comments

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You rock! I respect you so much, and know that you are going to be okay

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Many prayers for you, Janae! Brooke’s so blessed to have you as a mom. We can’t always understand during the hard times, but a verse I cling to is, “Consider it all joy, my brethren, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance. And let endurance have its perfect result, so that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.” – James 1:2-4 :)

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Amen, Lindsey! James 1:2-4 is the verse that gets me through hard times. I don’t always have the easiest time being joyful in the midst of struggles; but through prayer, the Lord manages to change my heart to focus on Him.

I’m praying for you, Janae and Brooke!

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I have always said, “always take the high road”. You are a pillar of strength and you have a lot of grace.

Keep up the good work.

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Yes to all of those!

I, too, am going through a divorce. Something I never saw coming…it just rips your guts out. Friends, family, distractions, and hope really keep you going. Taking the high road can be so hard…it’s good to have a couple of people you trust to let you say anything and not judge. Or to write it down. It’s good to get those emotions out, but a year + into this ordeal, I have not once regretted taking the high road. My friendships are intact, my dignity is intact, and my future is bright. So is yours.

Stay strong. I read you all the time and draw strength from you. We’ll make it through this!

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Great coping mechanisms! You’re doing a great job, Janae — stay strong! :)

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I think it’s brilliant you talk about what you’re going through even though it must be exceptionally hard. I know it’ll help others going through hard times!
Family/friends, running, and time help me get through hard times.
And Brooke really is such a beautiful blessing!

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You are incredible Janae. You are so strong and such an inspiration to all of us. I see nothing but amazing things for you in your future… And now! One day at a day time<3

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You are truly amazing Janae! It’s incredible to watch you stay strong and share with others how to do so as well.

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You are an inspiration! The words to ‘Did You Think to Pray’ have gotten me through many rough times.
I think even here you have already become that friend, in a way, who helps people through hard things. You give great advice, you are strong, you have a positive outlook and it is so easy to feel connected with your words.
I love that first picture of you and Brooke in the church parking lot…two beauties!

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What a beautiful post Janae. Honestly, I truly believe you are an inspiration to so many. You have taken such a high road and kept so positive throughout everything. I think having something to look forward to each month is key for anyone. As I search for jobs, I have to have something each week and month to look forward to as I wait for interviews and call backs. Otherwise it just becomes harder and harder.

Running has always given me a sense of accomplishment and a way to truly relax.

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**training runs. I’ve never been “relaxed” in a race hahahah!

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Prayer and family! Those get me through everything. God is so faithful!

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I recently went through a very dark time too. I have to tell myself constantly “the worst thing is never the last thing”. Its almost impossible when you’re in the middle of that “worst thing”, but the worst thing always ends eventually.

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My “escapes” are my go-to for any emotional situation. Whether its praying, running, reading or cleaning (I get the most efficient cleaning done when I’m mad/sad…thankfully our house isn’t too clean too often ;)
Thank you for sharing all of that. They are all so positive outlets for the situation you are going through.

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Janae, your outlook on life is so positive. I look forward to reading your posts every day. I hope that if ever I’m in a tough situation, I’m as strong as you are!

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Wonderful post. Thank you Janae.

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Processing divorce or any hurt takes time. Too much time for me and I end up “eating” my feelings in a very unhealthy way. Then I step back. This last week I’ve finally decided that I need to get some therapy. There is nothing wrong with seeking help and sometimes a neutral party will help to process pain and not feel so hateful.

Time does pass and taking the high road is the best way! I did that with the kids dad as best I could And it’s true that time goes by fast and it’s a waste of time to spend so much energy on bashing and manipulation. Kids are smart. They figure stuff out. Now I have 4 adults that are amazing!

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Yes! And I think you are helping more than just woman out there.

I do the same thing with music. That song especially. Love it and its powerful message.

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Girl after my own heart. It takes such strength to get through a divorce, especially one that involves children. I struggled yet coped by handling it the exact same way as you. In fact, even though the ink is dried, I still struggle at times through the co-parenting process as well as dealing with the emotions that were too painful and difficult to deal with back when it all happened. I also struggle to talk openly about it or with others going through the process sometimes because, well, it is still just too much. However, running through it and writing about has been therapeutic and the writing helps others ( I have a book coming out about it!). Everything happens for a reason, I am a strong believer. Hang in there and keep running (and eating!).

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This really helps for any of us going through a hard time. Thanks for sharing! You’re an incredible person, Janae! :)

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You are so right- there’s nothing like prayer and a relationship with God to fill us and lead us! That’s my go to, and unfailing cheer up!

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My greatest loss in my life was the death of my mom. My faith got me through. Chin up girl…you are doing awesome!

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Great stuff.

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I am honestly so impressed by your list. Taking the high road and being positive is the right thing to do, but also sounds like the hardest thing to do. You are handling this with such grace! You can do hard things. Really hard things!

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Great post. You are doing amazing and even sharing what you have has probably helped a ton of people. It sounds like your support system is working for you.

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That’s a perfect list, in my opinion. I went thru a similar sudden, gut-wrenching divorce when my oldest daughter was 5 (she’s now 17 and about to graduate high school!). Everything you wrote I could have written myself. It DOES get better, I promise you that.

Keep up the great work, Janae, you are such a class act.

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I am sure it’s not easy, but I have always appreciated how willing you have been to talk about hard things on your blog in hopes of helping others. Thanks. It’s such a loving thing to do.

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love this, friend! Praying for healing.
(and Blend Retreat will be the one fun thing you do in June!! :) )

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I have done all 12 of your list in almost the same order to get through my pending divorce. The only thing I would say is that #12 is higher up on my list-the root of bitterness can very easily spread through a person’s life and cause destruction. Choosing to not talk negatively about the other person involved is a difficult but necessary decision that will ultimately make the healing/forgiveness process much easier. Prayers, Janae! You are stronger than you think!

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I think you found the perfect balance of sharing and taking the high road in this post Janae. It is very brave of you to talk about leaning on your faith and seeking out counseling especially! I have turned to my faith in many dark situations and working with a therapist has also helped very much. I am of the mindset that tough people do whatever they need to get better and I took every option available to me and made the most of it – including counseling. I’m glad you are able to do the same. I hope things continue to get easier for you but in the meantime I am so impressed you were able to share your thoughts in such a productive way. I hope you know that you have hundreds of internet friends cheering you on along this journey to healing!

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I love your heart and your honesty. I think your readers appreciate the fact that you are open about some of the personal things in your life because it is all in the interest of helping others. And we appreciate your privacy in other things that talking abougt them would just be hurtful. Your attitude is amazing, and you have taught me so much! “Trust in the Lord with all your heart, lean not on your own understanding. In allyour ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.” Proverbs 3:5-6

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I admire you for how you dealt/are dealing with your divorce! It speaks volumes of you!

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I love your #12. I didn’t always do this – avoid the bad-talking. Thankfully I’ve grown up and learned that it really does NOT help at all.

I’m an 80 year old in a 35 year old body sooo… what helps me is knitting, going for long walks in beautiful neighborhoods, going to the library and reading all the magazines or checking out the “staff picks”. Libraries make me feel so warm and safe and happy :)

Thanks for your honesty, Janae.

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Well said, and well lived. Keep on the high road, and you will always be able to hold your head high on the other side. There are always going to be people who will disagree with your position, but it’s not your job to satisfy every human out there. Your job is to take care of you and Brooke, and you are doing a wonderful job. Best of luck to you as you continue to process through this period of change.

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I went through a divorce in my 20’s when my daughter was just 1. I never bashed my ex and we have always been on talking terms. Things do get better… focus on yourself and daughter are the best ways to cope and move on…

I was following your blog back when you were married and things seemed so great in your life. I think this is hard on all your readers to hear your struggles. Keep your head up.. keep running and working through this tough time.. there is a light at the end of the road.

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You are so awesome Janae. You are strong and Brooke is going to grow up to be one tough, funny, smart, and kind runner :)

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I absolutely agree about the healing power of music — and for me, writing is also an incredible catharsis, probably more so than anything else.

I’m glad you have such a wonderful support system to help you through this. Your continuing sense of hope and optimism is inspiring. Thank you for reminding us all that better days truly can be ahead.

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For me, sweat is my best form of therapy. When I’m super stressed about work or something in my personal life, I run or spin or dance or lift or do anything but THINK. Even yoga helps, because I force myself to focus only on my breathing and postures.

And crying! I’m a huge fan of crying and don’t really understand why so many people see it as a weakness. It’s purging for me, and I always feel better after I let the tears out.

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You are so inspiring. Thank you for this, and simply for existing! Your strength is truly admirable and although I have never met you in person, I hope and pray for you.

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Thanks for sharing! Can’t imagine how tough this has been but you are handling it beautifully and with so much grace and still managing to keep us all laughing and smiling at the same time. You are truly an inspiration!

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Your list is great. A close relationship with God will get you through anything and praying has helped me through so much! I also think when we help or focus on someone else that too helps a ton. I think your trip out of the country will be amazing!!!! We can’t decide what all of our circumstances will be, but we decide how we react and that is what matters. I pray for you!

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Thanks for sharing this with us Janae. Love u!

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I 100% agree with #12. It’s so easy to go to the bashing but in the end that won’t help anything. You’ve got a great outlook and are such an inspiration :) stay strong Janae!

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All so true. One thing I would add – a sense of humor. When you find yourself laughing at something, and think, ” Oh, I CAN laugh and find some joy in the middle of all this “.

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1. Food!
2. Running
3. Friends
4. Music
5. My dog (wait he should be top of the list!)

I too always felt that through my tragedy I could be the hope for someone else going through a similar situation in the future. And 15 years later I believe that. I have helped so many. (My hubby died of cancer in 1999).

Your family seems to be the best support ever. And you seem to have retained your optimistic spirit that you had even before the divorce. So give yourself a big accolade for that.

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You are amazing, Janae! Sending good thoughts your way :)

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Janae well done for sharing things which are so personal for you, and which must also be painful too – it’s tough to willingly make yourself vulnerable. Thank you for helping your readers focus on how they can help themselves, and for your overriding message of positivity. :)

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Mad respect for you!

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I love, love, love what you said in #1. Faith is so important, and I really admire how positive you ALWAYS are, even when I’m sure you don’t feel like being positive.

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Hats off, thank you so much for sharing. Definately a difficult subject but you have such a good list to get you through this rough time.

My kids definately get me through my rough times. No matter how hard the day, or how difficult a situation is, seeing them reminds me I need to be strong and find solutions. I want to show them we can get past anything if we set our minds to it. And of course, a young childs hugs and kisses have a healing power that I will never be able to explain lol.

http://runningschlub.blogspot.com/

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Shake it Out got me through a bad breakup myself! Powerful lyrics.

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I’m not going through a divorce, but I have been dealing with a miscarriage after a couple years of infertility and a round of injecting myself with various substances so that someone could remove my eggs. We were obviously ecstatic when we found out it worked, but then had the miscarriage, and very few people know about any of it. When they do, they often remark on how there will be another or how maybe we should just relax and get busy more. Uh huuuh. *shakes head.

Anyway, I have definitely been healing, but still have moments of sadness where I find myself crying on a run. But it helps. I just think, someday, I’m going to look back on this and remember it as a rough patch, and that someday will be good. I find myself applying your list to my situation more than you know, and find you truly inspirational. Things will get better, and I’m so glad you have your network in the meantime.

Oh, and I also have been working on what is essentially a brownie map for my area. I agree, it helps.

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Hearing of someone who wants to become a parent but is having trouble doing so just breaks my heart. It’s at the top of my “I just don’t understand why life is so unfair” list. Please know a stranger is thinking of you today…

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Thanks, Tiffany. Sometimes I want to have a pity party, but it’s pretty useless. I remind myself that I’m very fortunate in other ways. I know that we will have a child some day; it’s just whether we get him/her naturally, with assistance, adoption, etc., and I know in the end it won’t matter.

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This stranger is thinking of you today too. What a great attitude you have in tough circumstances. Keep on keeping on.

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S, I’ve been down that very long road before as well. Countless fertility treatments, miscarriage, complications from miscarriage, pregnant again but then losing a twin in the first tri, etc, high risk pregnancies…I’m happy to say that 6 years after that journey began we have a 3 and a 1 year old. People who don’t go through it have no idea, it’s very difficult emotionally and physically and I will send good thoughts your way.

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Thanks, R. That’s amazing. Im so glad your journey took you to a happier place. It gives me hope for the future :) it is also nice to know that there is a community of runners out there that are so supportive of one another, no matter what the issue.

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You and your sweet family are always in my prayers…I am so grateful that God creates people like you, who rise above these hard times and bad feelings to be such a positive influence to everyone else around you. I hope you keep blogging for years and years because I am just so excited to see where God is taking you :)

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Shake It Out is one of my favorite songs to listen to when I’m feeling out of sorts. I’m glad you have such an amazing support system to get you through this, you seem like such an amazing, fun and optimistic person and I know that getting through this time will only make you more of all of those things!

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Thanks for posting this.! Love you.
So many that you listed, especially the faith……..but one other thing is I change up some of my routines. The event (whatever it is) changes us, and so for me to do my same o, same o feels weird, empty, etc. I find starting new things I have been wanting to change or incorporate creates a new for me. I have added in weight work 2 days a week, I have been eating a european style breakfast (and I love how it reminds me of my travels over there), I am drinking more water, i have started a new bedtime skin cleanse/moisturizer routine.

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You’re amazing girlfriend! Huge hugs!

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You’re the best, Janae. I really admire you.

My mom always told me “to fake it until you make it.” Keep smiling and telling yourself that everything is going to be okay until you don’t have to remind yourself anymore! One day you’ll wake up and this won’t be the first thing you think about or the last thing you think about before you go to sleep. Time really is the best!

I hope you have a great day! Never forget how much your readers appreciate you!

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Love this post!! I remember when I had to go through a tough time, and my way was coping. Now it’s completely different. Now it’s my workouts. They make me go harder than I thought possible for myself, and like you focusing on Brooke, I focus on my cat. She likes to act like a child, so I treat her like one :)

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Running is absolutely my number 1 way to get through hard times.

Its the one thing I do where I rely entirely on myself
I do not need to over think it
I dont need to learn it
Nobody is testing me
I just run and think and if I need to, forget

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I’m so sorry you have to go through this but you’re such an inspiration!

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Awesome post, Janae! I know you are going to be an encouragement to so many people who are struggling with similar circumstances. And many of those things are good reminders for all of us, whether we’re going through a hard time or not. Thank you for sharing!

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Faith, Love and Chocolate!

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Running is one of my best form of therapy! Even when it is hard it is something that is for ME and I do my best thinking for running.

I had never gone to a therapist before until last year. I only went 5-6 times because I lost my insurance but once I found someone I connected with it helped me so much!

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You are strong Janae and we care about you!

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I love Florence + the machines!! And I especially love that song! You are a great role model Janae!

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I have been reading your blog for years–since the beginning–and I find your strength and honesty to be inspiring.

These things keep me going:
1. Poetry.. go to PoetryFoundation.org and read some poems.
2. Laundry.. it makes me feel good to clean things.
3. Coloring in Coloring books… I know this is infantile, but it helps.
4. Mailing letters and packages to friends.
5. Working-out in the evening… teaching can be stressful; workouts help me fall to sleep very quickly.

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God Bless You. You are an amazing strong woman who gives women in a variety of situations hope. I am fortunate to be in a happy marriage, but your list is true for so many different situations. I had a miscarriage several years ago and most of what is on your list helped me get through that situation. So thank you for always being honest and for being you. You will get through this and you will find the other side just as your friend did.

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Love this! You are amazing, lady! Hugs!!

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One huge thing that helped me get through some serious hard stuff in my life is sleep. Turning off my brain isn’t very easy for me to do at night, so I sometimes will put the kids down a little early, get in comfy clothes and lie down in my bed with my iPad and watch The Office until I fall asleep. Sounds weird, but it helps me a lot when I just can’t turn off the anxiety. Hope you are doing well, Janae!

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I went thr0ugh a totally unexpected divorce a number of years ago that was devastating to me.
However, my life now is full of wonderful opportunities and people and such growth and joy.
You are a superb human being and will have an amazing life in the future I am sure.
Always believe in yourself and love yourself (and others obviously!).
You are making great strides already girl!
Take care!
Thanks for sharing yourself with us!

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Hi, sweet girl. I’m so sorry to hear what you’re going through. Sadly, I split with Todd last April, too, and I felt like I’d lost my mind. Are you in Utah? I have seen a therapist in South Jordan and I think he’s great. E-mail me for his info, beautiful. Also, a park-date with the kids could be fun!

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I’ve been wondering how you’re doing lately with the divorce, Janae. So glad you have found ways to cope & heal. When I went through my tough times (breakup, depression, etc.) I turned to prayer as well. It’s amazing what spirituality can do.

Keep your head high gorgeous. You are an inspiration to so many people. <3

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many of my get-better-get-stronger tactics overlap with yours! i would also add SHOPPING, which probably isn’t the best solution but makes me happy nonetheless :) sounds like you’re doing amazing.

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all of this! when i went through a divorce (how crazy by the way that that sounds so common), i suddenly became THE MOST INTERESTING person aka everyone wanted the scoop. i know that not talking about it or bashing him only helped me weed out the people who weren’t real friends. another thing was taking time to just be single. i felt like a dead animal on the side of the road the way the vultures came out of nowhere to ask me out immediately after word got out that i was divorcing. sure it was somewhat reassuring but oh my goodness i need some time to process what happened! good news, IT GETS BETTER!! i’ve got a hunk of a hubby now & a precious little girl & a boy on the way. ;) thank you for opening up & sharing how you’re coping. xo

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I found running when a really close friend of mine died suddenly. I signed up for my first marathon running in his memory and raising money for charity, it was such a positive to come out of something so horrid. Keep strong Janae xx

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So glad that you have so much support to surround yourself with- Family, friends, Brooke, and your readers! We are behind you and know you are just becoming stronger and stronger. Just like with tough training, you become a stronger runner- this is making you a stronger person. HUGS!!

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The best advice that I hope to never need. You seem to be handling this all amazingly well, hopefully things just keep getting better for you!

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You are so amazing. I really do look up to you in so many ways. Love you lots girl.

Also, when you mentioned music, this song came to my mind. It’s Idina Menzel (I LOVE her!) and this song has gotten me through some tough times: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=luiRqbZ7t8U

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I don’t know if you listen to country music, but even if you don’t, Gary Allan’s “Every Storm Runs Out of Rain” is a wonderful song. It’s such a great reminder that this too shall pass. Hugs!

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“Take the High Road” is my favorite and just trying to be calm and patient.
Do you know what happened to your friend’s blog, skinnyrunner?

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Your so strong!! You are an amazing mom and person and reading you blog has helped me in more ways than you know! Thank you for always inspiring!

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Also, what helps me is having a consistent routine and keeping busy.

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I know you will be over this and will be a thing of the past soon enough. I firmly believe you will definitely be a great listener and counselor to someone int he future going through the same thing. I think my favorite is having Brooke :) She is just the cutest and you can tell she just emulates happiness!

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Oh geez. I feel like I haven’t gone through anything remotely as difficult, given my age, but I transferred colleges to be with someone, although they broke up with me the second semester I was there. It was awful. I definitely moved into a very deep depression that took hold of my entire college experience.

The best thing that happened to me was moving away and starting over. I wasn’t ever running away, but I had always vowed to move to Boston following my years in NY and the opportunities that arose once I finally made my way here helped me to finally get over the pain. I’ve honestly never looked back. Being busy, setting my sights on a new goal, and music always helped. Then, in 2010, when I realized my life needed to change direction once again, I took up running. Oh yea, and once again, never looked back.

Hats off to you for sharing this journey with so many readers.

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So strong! I call my mom, or make a list of things I am thankful for when I get upset about something.

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Great post, Janae, and kudos to you for seeking out the things that heal you. I know you will come out the other end of this a stronger woman and in the meantime, you are setting a fantastic example for sweet little Brooke. I’m proud of you!

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I’ve been amazed at your strength these past few months, and know it will all work out for the best! And, if all else fails, Ben & Jerry’s just came out with some new and amazing fudgy-filled ice cream pints that will positively make any problem disappear ;-)

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I have to say my faith and exercise helps me significantly get through hard times!

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I love your #12 reason. Take the high road for sure! I think staying positive and holding on to kind words is so significant for you as a person and your daughter. You rock girl! Thanks for sharing your positive perspective.

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I know there are many people out there who identify with your story, so I can only imagine how much you’re helping them!

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# 13. Being able to inspire the HUNDREDS of women who read your blog. This post os proof of it. You are an awesome role model of how to stay positive through the hardest of times! Thanks for sharing – as always!

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The best thing about this post is the title. You are “getting through” it! Love ya Janae, keep your head up

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This is one of the best posts I’ve read all week. Staying on the high road is probably the most important thing while going through hard times, because when you eventually come out on the other side, you will regret what you did in the darkest of times. I have learned that the hard way. During my hardest break up, I took the high road and still never say anything bad about him or our relationship, even when others do. This helps immensely.

Also, never feeling badly about feeling your own pain. This one was tough for me. I was sadder than I have ever been in my entire life, but I couldn’t let myself get upset because I kept telling myself that other people have it worse than me. But I eventually figured out that pain is pain, no matter who is feeling it or what they are going through. It is okay for us to feel the pain we are feeling.

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such a great list, and so glad you have such an incredible support system on all fronts. my lifesavers are very similar: God and my faith; my amazing, amazing family; my closest friends; running; music; down time. i’m actually in grad school right now for a Master’s in Marriage and Family therapy because having a mom who is a life coach has made me want to use my life to serve others in this way, as i think relationships are the most significant — and often the most difficult to navigate — things we have. prayers & hugs to you.

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You have really good taste in music by the way. I always love what you recommend and end up buying it!

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Bless. :)

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i went through a divorce several years ago, and i always found comfort in this verse from the Message during my tough times (i had a lot of anger, admittedly):
But me he caught – reached all the way from the sky to sea; he pulled me out of that ocean of hate, that enemy chaos, the void in which I was drowning. They hit me when I was down, but God stuck by me. He stood me up on a wide-open field; I stood there saved – surprised to be loved! – Psalm 18:16-19
Good luck to you.

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You are a beautiful soul, Janae. I really admire the grace with which you’ve handled this situation, and Brooke is so lucky to have such a wonderful mother. You will come out of this on the other side. Can’t wait to see what wonderful things are in store for you! XOXO from DC

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You are amazing!! That is all.

Actually, I wanted to add, it’s so great that you share this with others, because I know it helps us/those going through something similar more than you’ll ever know! You’re so brave <3 xo

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I will never tire of seeing brooke in that swimsuit. She truly is an angel.

You are amazing. Something you said at lunch on Thursday really struck me and it has been on my mind since. It has made me think. And it also showed me how much you have grown these last 7 months. You truly inspire me.

I love you friend. The end.

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You’re so strong and positive! Definitely an inspiration to others!

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Amen for #1!!!
I agree with you for #2-11, and you are so awesome for choosing to do #12!
:)

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Thanks for being real and sharing your struggle even when it’s uncomfortable. Struggle is the human existence, and it unites us. Thanks for your transparency.

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You are so gracious. Obviously, I don’t know the whole story, but I can imagine that it is very tough in situations like these to take the high road. The fact that you are making it a priority so soon after the fact is a testament to your character and your faith. We’re praying for you!

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Thanks for sharing! It not only helps those going through divorce, but trials in general (I’m going through a big one right now). Going through the refiner’s fire makes us stronger. I admire your strength in taking the higher ground!

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Yes, to all of these!
The word that comes to mind when I think about you and everything you mentioned in this post is grace. You have been such a witness of hope, trust and respect through a super difficult situation. XOXO

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Do you ever listen to Ingrid Michaelson? I find her music to be so powerful and soothing. Her song ‘Ghost’ is haunting but amazing. You can hear the pain in her voice and although you can it’s not an uplifting song like ‘I wanna see you be brave’ (also great song) it still made me feel like I could get through anything–which you can!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5Sfc4Oht9c

I’m an invisible disaster.
“I keep trying to walk
but my feet don’t find the solid ground.
It’s like living in a bad dream
I keep trying to scream
but my tongue has finally lost its sound.
I’ve got to say goodbye
to the pieces of me that have already died.”

Read more: Ingrid Michaelson – Ghost Lyrics | MetroLyrics

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although i cannot relate to your situation (i have never been married), i have recently been going through a difficult time and these things are such good reminders to focus on the positive aspects, instead of dwelling on the negatives. i agree that faith, family, and friends are so important when going through any difficult time! i also like to have fun things to look forward to, even if it’s something simple. :) you’ve been such a big inspiration to your readers. sending you lots of love & prayers! <3

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That is an awesome list. I think taking the high road is the best advice. It isn’t always easy, but you are a better person for it.

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Everything you said is spot on! I went through a divorce years ago and am now “on the other side” with a life I love. I did almost everything on your list, and it all really helped! Good luck to you as you keep working through things. :)

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I completely agree with your #2. Well, not Brooke for me specifically, though she is super cute and I love the pictures you post. But the point about focusing on helping others rings true for me. It applies for the really hard times in life, but I also find it works in other situations, too. When my running partners are struggling, for example, if I focus on being strong and carrying them through the workout, I end up running better than I otherwise would.

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These are 12 great and inspirational ways to get through hard times. Good friends and family always help me!!! I’m so glad you have such a good support system and attitude.

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I listened to Shake it Out by Florence + The Machine a lot during my divorce. It was the perfect song to run to when I just had a horrible conversation with my ex.

I tried new things. I went to different restaurants and concerts and tried different activities. I even went to England for two weeks by myself (and then ultimately met the man that I was supposed to be with all these years).

My family (especially my mother ) and friends were there for me and I saw who were my true friends, which in a way made me happy. I couldn’t have done it without them and their support.

Keep your head up or something lame like that! Eventually, the days get easier and then the months get easier and then you have gone a whole year without letting it get you down. It comes.

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I have been reading your blog for quite a while but never commented before. I really appreciate your honesty and vulnerability. Although I’ve never been married (I just got out of college), it’s really refreshing to read the perspective of someone who is not trying to be perfect and is open to growth. Thank you for that!

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What an awesome post, Janae! Thank you for sharing and being so open. Hopefully things will get better for you soon. In the meantime, it sounds like you have a great support system in place :).

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As a child of divorced parents who do not manage to follow all of those rules…your effort alone does not go unappreciated. Know that this is critical for Brooke! Being the bigger person allows you to build your relationship with her – and not build the tension between you and the other party involved. Keep up the good work! It really, really, really does make a difference!!!

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You’re amazing and I love you! You’re truly incredible for staying so positive through the whole thing. #12, What a classy example for beautiful Brooke.

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You are such a positive light, I admire you so much! Keep your head up. Thank you for being you.

P.S I had a dream the other night that you, Brooke, and your sis were walking down to the beach (here in Oregon) and I was REALLY excited to meet you. Haha, stalker much? :)

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That’s funny Michelle.. Because I have dreams about bloggers too :) It’s like they’re celebrities! ;)

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Shine on, amazing woman! Handling adversity with such grace helps bring clarity and direction. While I’m currently on a different trajectory, you know I get it. Your coping mechanisms are so familiar…except the food one. Massive stresses always make me nauseated and I stop eating. Faith and friends are awesome, and I’m a firm believer in quality counseling. Stay true to yourself and allow yourself to keep shining…you’re doing great!

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I love reading your blog. I’m thankful for it.

Prayers and best wishes coming your way. :)

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This list is outstanding! A year ago this week I lost my Dad. As Daddy’s girl, this crushed me. Prayer, friends, family, and running brought me through. I still remember running one early morning, listening to Billy Sprague’s “Press On” and bawling my eyes out! But when I was done crying, I was able to press on.

Your journey has been tough, Janae, but you’ve found the right things to carry you through.

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I truly think one of the most difficult things in life is CHOOSING to be happy and then being able to make it happen. You have handled this whole situation gracefully and whoever gets the opportunity to truly love and cherish Brooke and you, will be one lucky human.
I endure all things for the sake of those who are chosen, so they also may obtain the salvation which is in Christ Jesus and with it eternal glory

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You are such an inspiration. Praying for you and your family.

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I just love you and I’ve never even met you! Cheesy and dorky, but true. There is going to come a day when you will say, so this is why He allowed me to experience such heartache. So you will be grateful and ready for the wonderful things He has in store for you. I only say this because I learned it myself. You’ve got this, girl!

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You are such a inspiration and a class act. Cheers to you!

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When I go through hard times, I try to do things that make me happy. Painting, writing, reading (things I generally do daily, but they give me peace). Working out and vegging on the couch or even going out to explore a new section of town. Just getting out and breathing fresh air. Spending time with my family and friends.

I think you’re doing a pretty darn good job :)

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Thank you so much for this post. I really needed this today. I am also going through a divorce now. 12 is a really great reminder. I don’t even recognize the person my ex has become. I struggle with trying to be the bigger person because I’ve been so worn down by him. I am beyond grateful for my family and friends who have been so supportive during this difficult time. I would probably not be functioning if it wasn’t for them. Shopping and food are also very helpful. :) Sending best wishes your way!

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From one who has “made it through to the other side” of the divorce process. Everything you wrote is dead-on. And as strange as it might sound, going through all that has made me a more grateful, introspective, loving and happy person.

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“For so many months the only possible way for me to get out of bed in the morning was if I went straight to my knees to pray and then that is what gave me the strength to stand.” <– That Janae, is just, well, POWERFUL. What an amazing statement. & so true in a lot of things in life, but especially I'm sure in this situation.
You are one of the VERY strongest women that I know. And I'm not just saying that. I truly mean it.
I know I'm not close, but I am always here…AND if you ever do decide Brooke needs to go to Disney World (Because it is so much cooler than Disney Land…totally kidding ;) ) you KNOW you have your blog best friends waiting for you. XO

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You are so inspirational! Im not married nor in a relationship and my heart hurts for you even though I can’t fathom the pain you’re in. I’m curious how you feel about all these posts knowing Billy can read them? does it make you nervous? happy?

Keep up the healing!

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You’re so real. Love your positivity. Keep rising above and running down those dreams. xo

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You are incredible! I admire your strength and the way you handle such a difficult situation. You are an example of great faith. Your words and example are incredibly touching. You are so completely beautiful and classy.

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Hi Janae, I was wondering, do Brooke and B video chat? Just thinking about their monthly transitions/ how it is for Brooke. You totally don’t have to answer that, none of my business! I’ve read your blog for many years and I have been blown away by you the past several months! I know how hard it must be to put yourself out there and share your feelings with everyone through such a painful time. However, I’m so glad you have continued blogging, your positive outlook and determination makes me want to be a better, more optimistic person. You are so lucky to have a huge circle of friends, and family, to lean on :)

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You’re a beautiful person, inside & out! Brooke is so lucky to call you “mom.”

I once read that emus (those crazy looking birds) can’t go backwards. They can only move forward. And sometimes in life we try looking to the past for comfort…for answers…for peace. But in reality, we need to be like the emu – moving forward for what awaits us, rather than trying to go backwards. That has stuck with me & been a source of inspiration when I’ve wanted to dwell on the past.

“I’m not saying that I have this all together, that I have it made. But I am well on my way, reaching out for Christ, who has so wondrously reached out for me. Friends, don’t get me wrong: By no means do I count myself an expert in all of this, but I’ve got my eye on the goal, where God is beckoning us onward—to Jesus. I’m off and running, and I’m not turning back” (Philippians 3:12-14, The Message).

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Hugs sweetie… I’ve been there, literally. I’m glad you have a great support system and are doing well.

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Some things not on your list that help me:

Cuddling with my kitties! They’re the first ones every day to tell me they love me.

Taking care of myself, whether that’s just eating right or a spa treatment, telling myself I’m worthy of love.

Laughing. Whether it’s a stupid TV show, or friends, or whatever, laughing til my sides hurt helps so much.

Nesting. Making my house more homey, more me, more pointed to the future.

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I so agree with #12!!! Too many people take the low road (which I cannot blame them because it does feel good in the moment), then they end up looking like “the bad guy” no matter what caused the split. I greatly admire the way you have handled this. A blog is a public forum, even if it feels personal and intimate. You had ample opportunity to slander and air all the dirty laundry. The fact that you didn’t speaks VOLUMES about the type of person you are, and the kind of person your parents raised.

You are always ALWAYS in my prayers and thoughts. You have people all over the world sending you vibes of courage, strength and hope. Keep on keepin on my friend! Your blog is a bright spot in my sometimes dreary days!

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P.S.

You have some amazing readers. I got goosebumps reading some of these comments of support. The blogging community is truly magical.

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You’re very inspirational. Seems like you have good focus and a really nice solid support system! Running is defiantly therapeutic to process emotions. I love how open and true you are to yourself. I first became inspired by your blog when I found out I was pregnant and looked for other female runners to relate with. I’m currently reading your pregnancy posts and have recently started reading your current posts. Getting up in the morning to read your blog about running during pregnancy has really helped me! I’m currently 17 weeks. I actually have a blog as well, however, I only post once or twice a week. It’s fun to write about my runs and pregnancy.

I wish you many wonderful runs and good food!!

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By the way, your daughter is so cute and what a blessing!!

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Rock on Janae. I really love Flo+Machines …and I really love your perspective that bashing/bad talking and over talking about anything negative only brings in more negative!

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Girl, I just have to tell you how impressed I am at your ability to take the high road (#12). You are handling your situation with so much class and integrity, something that is hard to come by in today’s world. Thank you for being such an inspiration and a great example of how to choose joy even in the toughest times!

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You rock. Brooke is so lucky to have you.

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Great post, Janae!

6 years ago I left a 7 year relationship. I walked away because it wasn’t right and the fear set in about who I would be without this person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with. I threw myself into everything I didn’t do while I was in that relationship just to keep busy and distracted. I regained my sense of self, my sense of fun and adventure, my laugh, and learning to be happy without depending on someone else. After finding my independent self again, I met the man who would eventually become my husband (and my soul mate, as corny as that sounds). He gave me an amazing stepson and 2 years ago I had my own son. Life is better now than it ever has been and I have never regretted walking away from that previous relationship although I would not want to relive the pain and fear I had when I first left it.
Because of who you are, I have no doubt you’ll find your true happiness again. We always get what we put out in the world and you put out a ton of love, fun, smiles, and laughter. You’ll get it back in spades. :)

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Thank you so much for this post. As you mentioned, this is a running/food/Brooke blog, but we, your readers, want to help and support you as well. We appreciate your vulnerability because it allows us to be vulnerable with you too.

I’m heading into the same situation, so my prayer for both of us is that one day we will look back on this and know that it was not just our own strength that got us through it, but those of us around us…and God.

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Oh Janae- you never cease to amaze me.

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Running heals all! (except running injuries…)
SO strong of you to put yourself out here to help others! It really is inspirational and something I wish I could do

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I love this list, Janae! I agree with you that it is truly always darkest before dawn – it reminds me of my main strategy for dealing with difficulties, which is to remember that bad times never last forever and the only way out is through :)

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Janae… I don’t even know what to say about some of your blog posts, but WOW! Reading #1 gave me the goosebumps. You are so incredibly strong <3 I love that you're willing to share your stories with us as well.

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You are incredible. The way you open up your life to others is incredible… Please don’t ever change bc you are truly inspirational. Xoxo

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This is an amazing list Janae! Thank you for being who you are and being so strong :)

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“For so many months the only possible way for me to get out of bed in the morning was if I went straight to my knees to pray and then that is what gave me the strength to stand.”

What a beautiful quote! I’m glad you’re working your way to the other side of this sad, sad situation even if you’re not there yet!

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