WE MADE IT BACK TO UTAH SAFE. We only had to make 2 potty breaks on the way home, that is a record.
This post isn’t witty and doesn’t have pics of food or embarrassing stories of me doing weird things so feel free to skip it…I won’t be offended.
I really haven’t wanted to write this post or talk about it much on the blog but I have gotten some e-mails of concern regarding my weight.
I have struggled with disordered eating patterns in the past but I do not want to go into details because it was the OLD me. I don’t like remembering the way I used to treat myself and that awful voice that never went away and told me I was never good enough.
The difference between the me NOW and the me THEN is huge.
-I have a healthy relationship with food…..I might even love it too much now, especially if there is sugar, butter or cheese involved in the ingredients.
-I think I am beautiful (most of the time, no one is perfect at this:) and most importantly I feel WORTHY to be happy and loved.
-I exercise for pleasure and hopefully someday for mula. NOT for weight loss.
-I no longer have any ‘fear’ foods. Heck, I ate a milkshake, fries and beef sandwich at 2 a.m. a few days ago.
After an email I received a few days ago I was rather upset. I felt like my new blog best friends were viewing me as a hypocrite to living a healthy life. I called my mom and cried because I remembered the OLD obsessive, messed up me and didn’t want to be viewed as that person.
Somehow, moms always know what to say.
“Janae, I have seen you change more in the last few years than I thought possible. You are not the same person you were. I can see it in your eyes, your writing, your love for life and your new love for yourself.”
So just in case you were wondering I am this thin because I run like a maniac but I do eat a lot. LIke half my teacher salary a lot.
I love the feeling of working out and I am an elite athlete (at least that is what my Billy tells me).
I am trying to put on a few lbs and over the last month I added on 5 lbs. and the best part is that I was happy about that. 5 years ago you would have found me crying in a corner chomping on celery coming up with a new diet if that happened.
Elite marathoners are thin. It comes with the sport but I KNOW that I am fueling myself with more than enough food and most importantly I am MENTALLY healthy and I am loving the person I am becoming.
If you are struggling with a disordered eating or just not happy with who you are, I promise you….IT CAN GET BETTER. Seek professional help and remember I love you:)
I don’t really have a question for ya about this but feel free to share any stories, experiences or anything else you would like so I don’t feel like I opened up too much on the blog and now you are scared of me. It would make me mucho happy.
Tell me about how you have grown or changed in the last few years!!
177 comments
Aska @ Finding My Happy Ending
Hi Janae,
I just wanted to let you know that I'm currently recovering from ED (I like to refer to it as my "unhappiness") and your recovery and strength as a runner now is very inspiring. Just know that you are an inspiration to many girls and women reading your blog! :)
EDNOS
This is a beautiful post. I'm so proud of you for recovering!
koolcatkaren
Just came across your blog and it's great. I love this post. I have had issues in the past and it's wonderful to hear someone else be so open and honest with the problems they have endured throughout life. I love working out, running, and food, and have found a balance that makes me happy and works for me. People like you keep me inspired, so thanks! :)
Hannah
The blog world needs more of your honesty…love this post.
MoloTasia
Je refuse.
MoloTasia
Encuentro que no sois derecho. Escriban en PM, se comunicaremos.
Kimi B
I suffered from disordered eating when I first began college 3 years ago. It got bad enough that I completely messed up my digestive system, addicting my body to laxitives, only to go stuff my face right after. I kept feeling so physically miserable that one day I had enough, stopped taking everything and never touched them again. I signed up to train for my first half marathon (last years Chicago Half), trained my ass of and when I finished I was so proud at how far I came in a few years. And know what? My body looks better than ever now. :) :)
This is BY FAR the BEST healthy living blog I have ever read. You are SO funny and like my twin! I LOVE candy and fro yo and working out! I’m convinced we’d be real life BFFs if you lived in Chicago. :) Keep up the good work. You look awesome! Don’t let any jealous hater make you think twice.
EronjurfRon
I apologise, I too would like to express the opinion.
Annette
followed the link to this page…wonderful post and I believe your mother is 100 percent correct….and btw…beautiful pic of your eyes!!
Ali
I am loving these links to your archives :) I think you look amazing and if I didn’t live in Canada I’d wanna be your friend <3 I have a hard time /w self-image and I think exercise helps me feel better about myself in ways I never thought possible! I started exercising to lose weight but found out how much it improved other areas of my life as well :) I am so looking forward to my run tomorrow …thanks for sharing
Linda
So many of us in blog world could have written this. Me included. Like you, I love my new relationship with food, exercise and most of all….LIFE!!!!!!!! Yes! For those that think you can overcome any issues you may be having… YES! You can!! Live the most amazing life because of it!
Kristin
Hi Janae! I’m just curious what you meant by fear food and how you eventually got over having fear foods? I’ve struggled with a healthy body image and working out too much for about 2 years now and I’m just ready to be happy. I think your blog is great by the way!
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Stephanie
Amazing post!!! Did u write this with me in mind? Hope y
Email did not scare you off. Let’s talk soon please :)
Zoe
Definitely bookmarking this for the future for myself AND my friends. the comments are amazing too! thanks for opening up for us readers, janae :)
Ashley @ Eat Run Live Happy
I know this is a really old post and I’m not sure if you’ll even get this comment but I loved reading this. I started reading your blog last year and I love it. I’m so happy you are better. People can be just as mean to thin people as they are over weight people. I used to feel guilty for wanting to be fit and I even wrote a post about it. My post today was all about how far I’ve come. I’m so happy and positive now. I just want to say, I’m proud of you!
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