WE MADE IT BACK TO UTAH SAFE. We only had to make 2 potty breaks on the way home, that is a record.
This post isn’t witty and doesn’t have pics of food or embarrassing stories of me doing weird things so feel free to skip it…I won’t be offended.
I really haven’t wanted to write this post or talk about it much on the blog but I have gotten some e-mails of concern regarding my weight.
I have struggled with disordered eating patterns in the past but I do not want to go into details because it was the OLD me. I don’t like remembering the way I used to treat myself and that awful voice that never went away and told me I was never good enough.
The difference between the me NOW and the me THEN is huge.
-I have a healthy relationship with food…..I might even love it too much now, especially if there is sugar, butter or cheese involved in the ingredients.
-I think I am beautiful (most of the time, no one is perfect at this:) and most importantly I feel WORTHY to be happy and loved.
-I exercise for pleasure and hopefully someday for mula. NOT for weight loss.
-I no longer have any ‘fear’ foods. Heck, I ate a milkshake, fries and beef sandwich at 2 a.m. a few days ago.
After an email I received a few days ago I was rather upset. I felt like my new blog best friends were viewing me as a hypocrite to living a healthy life. I called my mom and cried because I remembered the OLD obsessive, messed up me and didn’t want to be viewed as that person.
Somehow, moms always know what to say.
“Janae, I have seen you change more in the last few years than I thought possible. You are not the same person you were. I can see it in your eyes, your writing, your love for life and your new love for yourself.”
So just in case you were wondering I am this thin because I run like a maniac but I do eat a lot. LIke half my teacher salary a lot.
I love the feeling of working out and I am an elite athlete (at least that is what my Billy tells me).
I am trying to put on a few lbs and over the last month I added on 5 lbs. and the best part is that I was happy about that. 5 years ago you would have found me crying in a corner chomping on celery coming up with a new diet if that happened.
Elite marathoners are thin. It comes with the sport but I KNOW that I am fueling myself with more than enough food and most importantly I am MENTALLY healthy and I am loving the person I am becoming.
If you are struggling with a disordered eating or just not happy with who you are, I promise you….IT CAN GET BETTER. Seek professional help and remember I love you:)
I don’t really have a question for ya about this but feel free to share any stories, experiences or anything else you would like so I don’t feel like I opened up too much on the blog and now you are scared of me. It would make me mucho happy.
Tell me about how you have grown or changed in the last few years!!