1. Amputation. For bigger results go for the legs.
2. Don’t drink any liquid for the next 48 hours and make sure to work out as much as you can.
3. Throw away every last morsel of non-diet food in your kitchen. Vegetables and most fruits allowed.
4. Take lots of pills and supplements that promise instant weight loss and instant self-confidence and love for one’s body.
5. Use all of your gift cards and sell all of your presents to pay for all the plastic surgery you can get.
Obviously, I am JUST KIDDING. You know I REFUSE to fall into the diet industries annual 40 billion dollar trap.
I know a lot of women and men all over are kicking themselves for indulging a little or a lot over the holidays.
I want you to go look in your mirror right now and recite:
“Dang, I am one fine woman (or man). I am not going to beat myself up for enjoying the holidays. I am worth so much more than a silly number that tells me what my gravitational pull is.”
You will fall back into your normal eating habits, you will be able to workout just as much as you did before and your body will go to its happy place…..just give yourself some slack and let it happen:)
mmk? Thanks.
P.S. I have no idea what that picture has to do with this post other than you should put on a tiara every now and then and take pictures of other people taking pictures while your students are quietly working on a test.
46 comments
Savannah
Great post – love the "most fruits". I remember my college roommate was so worry about the "high sugar" in grapes that see wouldn't touch them!
Matt
Amen ;)
J
I need a tiara. I have been taking the holiday eating day by day. In the morning I day to myself that I will try not to over eat and today I think I finally got it. Only took me three days! Great post girl! Hope you are enjoying your vacation!
flyrunner
Good post!
Jogging with Fiction
Love it! I read an article the other day about how the people that first developed Shape Ups shoes made them as orthotics and when they discovered their "toning" properties, they were like, you know who will buy billions of these as a quick fix? AMERICANS! not sure that that was entirely relevant, but an interesting fact.
Lindsay and James Cotter
cheers! :)
Lindsay and James Cotter
cheers! :)
Lindsay and James Cotter
cheers! :)
Jenny
LOVE this! So true!
marathonmaiden
i approve of tiaras. wholeheartedly in fact.
Jenn
Ha ha! I love #1! OOh-#5 too!! Good post! Laughing at the totally unrelated picture!
Congrats on the speedy run with your hubby! Also laughing at the gift basket. Sadly, I've read both those books-ha! Hope you had a great Christmas!
MuncherCruncher
bah hahahaha. I just love you.
Susan
I just ate five sugar cookies….life is good!
whydeprive
I just love everything about this post! :)
I especially love your "vegetables and most fruits" comment. I remember sitting and listening to coworkers talk about dieting and how it "sucks that apples and carrots are so high in sugar and I cant have them right now". Really?
bakingnbooks
Okay, so you are officially in my Google Reader now because you rock! Love this post. I may "borrow" the idea for a post sometime – and link back to you!
Now, I'll return to my box of chocolates while watching Holiday movies in my pyjamas up late – so I can "lose the weight" ;)
lauravirginia
Amen, girl! Thanks for the reminder! :)
Kristin
Nice tips! I'll have to try the no water thing :)
Shannon
Great post!!! haha made me laugh and smile!
Mrs. D
AMEN!!! I hope you don't mind I copied this on my blog (connecting it to and appropriately citing your blog of course)… its just something people really need to remember! so true!!!
PS you are hilarious. i love the pic.
Pam
HA!
Caroline
Amen to that!
dorrybird
hahaha – love what you said here and couldn't agree more. I think I'm going to find a tiara…or maybe I can borrow my niece's? <3
you have another week of vacay, huh? Enjoy!
Abby
Oh my goodness, I was offline for the past few days and missed so much fun over here! Looks like you had a fantastic Christmas (for what it's worth, I think I would have voted for Park City Paradise). Next year, you should host a virtual gingerbread house contest – everyone makes them and posts pictures :)
Jenna Renee
Love the post! I definitely need to follow your advice about reciting that in the mirror. I overindulged this holiday season for sure… Hmmmph
Gracie (Complicated Day)
You are too awesome. I just know when I head back to the pharmacy tomorrow there's going to be a million quick weight loss questions and we'll run out of OTC diuretics. And nobody will listen to any of my good advice. Sigh.
Amanda@runninghood
is this you in the picture Janae? I say eat all you want this holiday season! What other time during the year do you have such an awesome excuse!!!
therunnersplate
I want to come be a student in your class! You look like you have a ton of fun!
BOBBI McCORMICK
love this quote going to post it as my facebook status ;)
Katefreak
You're awesome. :) If I lived ANYWHERE near Utah I would come find you so we could be real life friends. Alas. I'm not.
I like your tips. They made me giggle.
ThE MidLiFe CrUiSeR
If all else fails, you could always get a couple of ribs removed! Oh, and as a heads up, I hear the cotton ball diet works wonders. Except you'd have to drink lots if water to get them down, & that's breaking one of your rules ;)
Nellie
squigglefloey
Haha I kinda wish you were as cool as any/all of my teachers! Can you please be a university professor (in irvine, california specially) :P
Sara
Thanks for the encouragement – I'm printing out what I need to repeat to myself and posting it on my monitor at work! You rock!! ;) Have a great week!
Mamarunsbarefoot
UGH all those dumb gimics I hear drive me NUTS!!! Shape ups and drinks you name it. Really??
Love the pic!! Come out here and tutor my kids :)
The Wife In Her New Life
great post! I try not to feel bad about indulging over the holidays — I just do it in moderation so it's not like I gorged =)
PS: CUTE picture! =)
middleagedrunner
Amputation always does the trick for me! (although I must say that consuming a bunch of unhealthy stuff on Christmas resulted in some unpleasantness for me. I definately did not want ANY more junk food after THAT! You can add EAT TOO MANY HOT WINGS to the list of ways to drop major lbs!)
Angie
That is greatness! Don't forget about the only "clean" foods diet…whatever that is.
Maria
This is so true. At this time of year it is so easy to be tempted by the "quick-fix" diets (eg only eat cereal/ shakes or whatever) but just eating healthily and being active will see you much healthier in the long run.
Love the tiara :)
Carrie
You're so positive, I love it! :) I really feel like stress and negativity over holiday indulgences is worse than the indulgences themselves. You have to be good to yourself first, and nothing but good things can come out of a good attitude – up to and including a healthy weight!
Mallory
Thanks for the pep talk! It's always tough this time of year!!
allieksmith
AMEN! Thank you :) This post should be made into a commercial and played on tv!
Kate
You are so great! I loved this post and I was praying that you weren't seriously going to give diet tips. You are completely right and NONE of us should fall into the Diet Trap!! :) Love it!
ktbwood
BAHAHA i love this post!!! hilarious!!! those tips that lame magazines/websites are giving are freaking RIDIC!
Nicole
best.advice. EVER!
Blue
I either have walking pneumonia or acute bronchitis…Doc didn't know which. so the best thing I ate this christmas season was a Z-Pack. mMMMmmm! Yummy antibiotics!
♥
Val
I serioulsy think you live in my head!!! How did you know I was feeling down about myself!?!?!?
I love that quote!!! I wrote it in a "note" on my iphone and keep going back to it!
These last few days have been tough with my eating :( and I haven't felt to good about myself, then I read your post and all is well in the world!
I absolutely am in love with your blog! You inspire me to always feel better about myself :)
email me if you wanna be email buddies :)
Amanda@runninghood
Oh, and I am adding Mind Gym to my to buy book list. Thanks for sharing. I decided to comment on this blog post instead of your most recent since I've already commented like 49 times on that one.